


Death by a Thousand Cuts

by imperator_titus



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Academy Years, Basically most of canon is ignored, Cadet Hux, Canon Universe, Corsaira (Original Planet), F/M, Female Friendship, Friends to Acquaintances to Lovers to Enemies to, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Original Characters - Freeform, Original Female Character - Freeform, Slow Burn, TLJ is basically ignored, cw: Sexual Content (Chapter 9), cw: Suicidal Thoughts (Chapter 1)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-03-10 21:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 88,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13509921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imperator_titus/pseuds/imperator_titus
Summary: A Silent Friendship, Compassion, Love, Grief, Regret, Atonement: It takes a thousand cuts to destroy the First Order and end the war.





	1. Thank You

**Author's Note:**

> Update note (25-01-2019): I was working on a new version of this story but I am now currently working on an original work, so I am unsure of when I will publish the new version! I will be binding my own books for a few friends and allowing them to read it before I release to the public, but I will make an announcement on my tumblr (or pillowfort if I ever get one). Thank you for enjoying this story! It has really helped me grow as a writer.

_Cast your light upon me, my shining star_  
_Let me know you will never stray far._

* * *

**Nothing** had ever been so terrifying as leaving Corsaira behind, even the time she almost drowned as a small child was overshadowed. Watching the planet turn into a blue-and-green marble in the black void of space, backdropped by the stars she’d looked up at as a child, felt like she’d died and was being taken to the afterlife. It was mesmerizing and left a pit in her stomach, as if she’d never see home again. She wouldn’t set foot on its soil, smell its air, or hear its heartbeat for a very long time. 

_Reader, Aneirin Lucasta. Corsaira, Corsair System._

She’d been reduced to her name and birth planet, not even the village she was born in or the landmass it’d occupied. No one would know that her father had been the mechanic for the communal farm or that her mother was a master baker who did home remedies when someone couldn’t get to the hospital. As a young girl her hair was red like her father’s but age had seen it turn blonde and then darken; she wasn’t short from genetics but instead because of a horrible famine that happened shortly after the Corsair system was practically forced into the newly-formed First Order. While soft-spoken and compassionate, Aneirin loved wrestling with the other kids and had once stabbed a boy in the shoulder for speaking ill of her best friend’s mother. 

Stepping onto a new planet would’ve been more exhilarating, if the starport hadn’t been in the midst of a torrential downpour. Instead it was demoralizing to stare out of the window, not being able to see the other side of the street through the grey sheets of rain. She was captivated enough to not notice a figure come to stand next to her. 

“Aneirin, am I correct?” The voice was a little sharp, demanding immediate attention. The short medical student looked to her right and then up at the speaker; she was tall and thin, hair midnight-black and eyes a similarly dark void. Her mouth was colored blood-red but her lips were thin, almost pinched from her face. Somehow she was both familiar and a stranger at the same time. 

“Yes, my name is Aneirin. Are you from the Academy?” The stranger smiled, something that seemed more practiced than natural. A hand with long spindly fingers adorned with a multitude of glittering rings extended itself to Aneirin and she grasped it firmly in a handshake. She could feel a tremble, but didn’t mention it. 

“No, but I’ve heard about you. I’m impressed by you; to come from the planet and family that you do, you must be very brave and very intelligent.” Her name was Cecilia, she had a son entering Academy after some years of being in the school for military children. Her husband was Brendol Hux, the commandant of Arkanis Academy for Military Excellence, and she mentioned him with a tone like just speaking his name was offensive. While the heavens poured down on the city street, she talked at length about her sister; as it turned out, Moira was a matron of a well-known respite and refugee community on Corsaira, the Home of the Mountain Mothers. This was how she’d come to recognize Aneirin, from a photo her sister had sent in a letter home. As the rain died and people started to filter out into the world, Cecilia gave her some parting words as well as the pendant that hung around her neck. Aneirin had tried to refuse, but to no avail. The older woman’s voice became soft and warm, but just a little sad. “You remind me of my son; strong and smart, quiet and polite. If you two could be friends, I would rest easier knowing he is in good hands. Good luck, Miss Reader. You will do quite well.” 

In the shuttle to the Academy, Aneirin turned the pendant over in her hands, feeling every detail. It was a dull gold along with the links of its chain, fitting just inside the cup of her palm. It reminded her of the old family crests hanging in the Hall of Legends museum in Corsaira’s capital, Malarra; a fox, crowned with flowers that to her eyes appeared to be Camellias, surrounded by a laurel wreath. Carefully she hooked the clasp behind her neck and slipped the pendant underneath her shirt to rest against the warmth of her chest. She’d expected something strange to happen to her when she left home, but she hadn’t expected someone to recognize her. Up ahead she saw the extensive grounds of the Academy approach and she was certain that her heart had stopped for a few moments. 

* * *

Arkanis Academy boasted itself as the top facility for training officers, pilots, and medical personnel; it was the pride of the First Order, the birthplace of the future. As a Corsairan, Aneirin hadn’t placed much value in the First Order, it was almost a planet-wide consensus that a galactic government like the Order, or its predecessor the Empire, was wholly ineffective and likely to fail at any given moment. For the most part, her home planet stayed out of conflicts and wasn’t really a part of the galactic market. Coupled with its desire to maintain the rich tapestry of the planet’s ecological and cultural history to the point of foregoing manufacturing in favor of recycling and refusing all bids for mining the rich kyber crystal deposits, Corsaira was widely considered a low-technology backwater and was generally ignored until shortly after the fall of the Galactic Empire. For that her accent would be mocked along with her quiet and sometimes cheery disposition, two things that stuck out like sore thumbs and were signs of weakness to the glory-driven machismo of the military brats. 

It didn’t take long for her to learn who Cecilia’s son was, the shiny little nametag gave him away, though she would’ve never guessed that someone with such red hair would have been that dark-haired woman’s child. Aneirin felt foolish because of her interest in the young man, staring at the swoop of red hair, trying to discover the color of his eyes, and marveling at his pale skin which revealed a dusting of freckles upon closer inspection. She hadn’t come all this way for a love interest, she reminded herself, but the siren’s call of teenaged romance didn’t quite care. Of course, someone like that wouldn’t be interested in a backwater girl like her, so all thoughts about her second kiss being with him were entertained as pure fantasy. 

As an attempt to familiarize the medical students with command structures and their potential positions as commanders in dire events, she and her peers had been integrated into classes of appropriate subjects with the cadets. One day she had the distinct pleasure of having Cadet Hux sit next to her and she’d almost forgotten how to speak, so she fiddled with her fountain pen to focus herself. This seemed to catch his attention and she finally learned that his eyes were green and heart-wrenchingly beautiful. 

“I got to speak with your mother at the starport when I arrived.” The words more or less tumbled out of her mouth without regard to propriety. His nose wrinkled in distaste, which she took as his insult of her accented Basic. “She spoke very highly of you.” 

He hummed in response, his face smoothing back into its natural resting expression. The silence that followed allowed her to dissect the minutia of their exchange and the most likely conclusion was that he’d been annoyed at the mention of his mother. She seemed like a perfectly decent person, but one never knew the inner workings of a family, what people were like behind doors. Most importantly, he hadn’t been turned off by her and at the very least was neutral to her presence. For the next few classes, Aneirin and Cadet Hux sat next to each other in silence. He always had the right answers, was calculating and precise, and was unconcerned with the opinions of others. From birth he appeared to be groomed to command his own star destroyer, but she could tell that one day he’d be the man calling the shots. Most of the students, save for the most stubborn and overconfident, came to fear him for some reason or another. Depending on who was telling the story, it ranged anywhere from being wary of his father or that he’d killed a fellow student just for looking at him wrong, but every story seemed to take place long before they’d come to the same school. A believer of legends, she still wasn’t convinced that any of those stories held a grain of truth. 

Just because they’d be responsible for human lives did not mean that the medical students weren’t relentlessly picked on by the hot-headed cadets simply for having calmer personalities. Combined with the pressure of condensed medical schooling, this served to break a handful of them every year, whether by excusing themselves from the Academy or by more gruesome means. Since she was even calmer and compassionate than her peers, Aneirin was the subject of particularly harsh treatment. Usually she was able to keep herself together long enough to fall apart in the privacy of her dormitory room until her roommate was the one crying and the need to comfort overrode her own misery. 

She sat on the cold stone of the hallway, hot tears streaming down over reddened cheeks, with her precious data pad in pieces at her feet. While it had occurred to her many times to smash it into oblivion after a bad result or an assignment was eaten by the void, the cause was the three large cadets towering over her, jeering. That data pad had been her life for four years and now it was gone; all of the work she’d gotten done since she last backed it up was gone. It was like the one stone that, when loosened from the dam, let all of the water through and floods the village. Her tears were as much murderous anger as an explosion of every ounce of stress in her body. Hand clenched into a fist, she channeled that anger to eventually leap from her feet to show them that she wasn’t just the scared little girl they thought her to be, but she didn’t get the chance. 

“I wouldn’t have done that.” The voice was icy and sharp but she still recognized it. All heads turned to the redhead standing at his full height but casually as if to give the impression that he didn’t perceive the group of young men as a threat. 

“Because you’re a weak little daddy’s boy,” one of the cadets said with spit to punctuate his insult, his friends gathering around him in preparation for a fight. Hux was not intimidate, or at least he didn’t show it. Green eyes were like daggers. 

“No. Doctor’s know things.” Those green eyes turned to her, registered the look of confusion on her face, and flicked back to his targets. There was a collection of humored scoffs. 

“Know how to be cowards.” The cadet closest to her spit in her direction, causing her to flinch back with a scowl. Cadet Hux took a step forward, a tiger closing in on its prey. 

“They know how to kill you; slowly. First they’ll destroy your motor function, rendering you defenseless. Then they can do with you as they wish. You do realize that they spend their days memorizing the layout of the human body? That they precisely cut into the dead and poke around? They’ll do that to you. I’d imagine she’d flay off your skin, remove organs one by one until your body can no longer sustain itself and you die drowning in your own blood or your brain slowly loses oxygen. She could probably make it so you’d have to watch your friends die too.” The tone of his voice was steady, but the prospect of their hypothetical demise seemed to excite him a little. 

The cadets took a few steps away from him and when he matched their distance they decided to run down the hall without a second glance at her. When she’d finally gathered and recentered herself, she turned to thank her savior, but he was nowhere to be found. The next time she saw him she muttered a quiet ‘thank you’ and received another toneless hum of acknowledgement in return. At the very least, she was the target of less ridicule and she could focus more on her studies. The Academy was ruthless about ranking their students, which the medical student didn’t really care for, but on one occasion her roommate had shown her where Aneirin had come ahead to first of her class alongside Cadet Hux. She took note of his first name which she’d never heard spoken: _Armitage_. 

* * *

Aneirin didn’t exactly work the same as all the other students, but being the top student meant leeway. Where everyone else had grown to work themselves into the ground, ruining their sleep cycles and missing meals, she had found peak efficiency in restful sleep and taking the time to enjoy fresh air when it was available. It wasn’t always possible to enjoy the sunshine and gentle breezes until the rainy season had passed, giving life to the vibrant forests and the school’s extensive gardens. There she took the snacks her mother sent her, which had earned her some side-eyed looks but she didn’t care. Packages from home meant cookies, dried meat and fruit, perfectly crisp veggie chips, and letters. Everyone was so proud of her and asked with wonder what it was like off planet. She’d practically become a living legend but she didn’t believe she deserved the attention. She certainly didn’t think she deserved the attention she got today when a certain red-headed cadet sat down next to her on the stone bench. In automatic response she offered the box to him. 

“You can take some, if you’d like. _Sláinte_.” He was in the process of reaching into the pouch of dried fruit when he stopped, giving her a questioning look. “It’s like ‘cheers.’” 

He didn’t comment any further, simply plucked a bit of dried pear and chewed on it while they both looked out at the blooms. All sorts of insects and birds came out into the sunshine, including a remarkably beautiful and massive butterfly the chose to land on her leg. Its wings were probably the size of dinner plates if they were round and were the color of lilacs, spotted like a look into the strip of stars that was the galaxy seen from a planet. The two of them watched as it wandered from her leg to his and then eventually flew away. They enjoyed each other’s company for some time longer in complete silence until it was time for their next class. As she got up his face turned to her and thinking he would say something she stopped, looking into those green eyes now soft. 

“You’re welcome! I like to share.” Satisfied that she understood his mute thanks, Cadet Hux got up, dusted himself off, and went back into the building. Aneirin’s mood for the rest of the day was unshakeable as she basked in the afterglow of a completely neutral interaction. No, it wasn’t neutral, it was downright friendly compared to most exchanges she had with the other students. Some of the medical students had been somewhat friendly, almost as a defense, a herd immunity against danger. But none of them had shared your food or felt comfortable sitting in silence. She didn’t read their body language as well as she did his; to everyone else he appeared to be a 500 word pamphlet, to her she saw one of those 900 page novels bound in leather and locked with gold clasps. A book that chose who read it. 

It became almost a ritual. When the sun was shining and there was time, she’d sit in the garden and it didn’t take long for her silent companion to find her. He’d sit with her and take exactly three slices of dried pear and two slices of cured meat. They didn’t always see something interesting but she always said ‘cheers’ when the box was first offered to him and ended their visit with ‘you’re welcome.’ One day she was pretty sure he tried saying sláinte and before she stood up he said ‘thank you.’ That was the last time before the year’s finals that they shared their silent mutual soaking-in of the sun. 

* * *

The semester was ending which harkened the week of furious studying and the internal battle of ignoring a beautiful spring day in order to cram more facts and figures into a bursting brain. She was currently losing that battle as she stared out the window next to her nest in the library. Her roommate had filled their room with suffocating desperation and self-pity, so she’d resigned herself to sleeping on the floor under her table and going to the nearby gym showers to clean up before breakfast. The cold metal surface of the table was littered with her ‘ancient affectations’ as her colleagues put it; pens, pencils, highlighters, paper. Of course there was her data pad but nothing felt quite as right as paper and pen. It was as if the action of writing seared the information into her mind. 

One early morning she’d managed to wake up from the floor to look out the window and see a squad of cadets performing physical fitness tests. A gaggle of sleepy girls had crowded around one window to watch and she was prepared to go back to work when she noticed a shock of red amongst the normal browns, blacks, and occasional blonds. There in a grey sleeveless shirt drenched in sweat, black shorts that seemed too short and stark against white thighs, and black runner’s shoes was Cadet Hux, not 50 meters away from where she stood. He was not as good as some other cadets but she was sure he could best her in most areas. She was watching his chest rise and fall with his labored breaths when his head turned in her direction. He surely couldn’t actually see her so far away behind the glass but something possessed her to raise her hand and wave. It was hard to tell but she thought he brought his eyebrows down into a look of confusion and, as part of some unconscious desire to communicate something encouraging, she mimed the act of drinking from their military canteens. She considered it pure chance that it was at that moment Hux turned to find his canteen and take a long pull of water from it. 

“Were you telling the cadets to suck a dick?” The voice made her jump, but it was only one of her classmates. She laughed it off and took a few minutes to go wash her face and have a short walk around the library stacks. By the time she came back the cadets had moved on. 

It was the day before exams started and she found out from the morning news that ten of her fellow medical students had killed themselves and several were in the infirmary being treated for symptoms of alcohol and amphetamine abuse. She had to close the feed off in order to not get too upset. She tried to stick her nose in her books to distract herself from any worrying thoughts. More times than she could count she find herself lifting up a pen to write but couldn’t remember what she meant to write or she read the same paragraph over and over again. Today it was raining and no one was outside when she looked out the window hoping to see a blotch of red hair. 

“I see that I don’t have to return the favor quite yet.” She didn’t turn around right away because she assumed it was her sleep-deprived mind imagining his voice. “Or maybe I do.” 

“What?” She turned; it was him, green eyes intensely staring at her down his pale nose. Despite his sharp cheekbones and the way he was inspecting her, his face was soft, almost softer than when he’d share snacks with her in the garden. Concern. His golden eyelashes brushed his slightly-reddened cheeks and she tried to count his freckles. She wanted to ruffle his hair and watch it sway in a gentle breeze. 

“Your side of the school isn’t faring too well it seems.” It shocked her that what she read in his demeanor was proving itself; he had come looking for her and had expressed fear that she would be falling down the unhealthy rabbit hole some of her peers had been succumbing to in the past week. She must have looked like a dumbfounded fish, because his eyebrows came together. “Are you-“

“Cancer.” She’d blurted out; she’d been staring at a mole on his cheek. If he wasn’t concerned about her before, he was now. 

“What? Do you need to go to the infirmary?” She doesn’t register his question, she’s looking for other indicators of disease or poor health. She could tell he doesn’t sleep well and probably needs more than standard Academy food to support being so tall. 

“Cancer,” she repeated and pointed to her own cheek in an approximate mirror of her current fascination. He took a closer look at her face before reaching his hand up to his own, feeling the slight imperfection on his skin. “Sleep more.” 

His expression for once was purely confused, like this was one of his officer tests. It was, in a way; how to communicate with a delirious medical officer. The problem probably came up frequently in the field. Somewhere in his mind he put it together that she just needed some proper rest, that she probably wasn’t even making sense to herself. He nodded and his confusion turned to relief. “Noted.” 

With that he left and she watched him go. If today had been a better day, it would’ve been guaranteed that another student would be snickering at her misfortune when she turned back in her seat. Instead the library was eerily quiet and empty for the first time in a week. She washed her face and sat down to make one final push before heading back to her room. 

* * *

It was dark outside when she finally made to put away her books, gathered up her things, and made for her dorm. A few students dotted the hallways speaking amongst themselves and trying to stand in line for a meal before bed. She kept a stash of her dehydrated fruit and baked vegetables from her mother’s care packages so she ignored the long lines in favor of a hot shower and a long night’s sleep. 

She opened her door with the passcode and immediately dropped her things in the threshold. 

It wasn’t possible. 

Her roommate—

She’d just seen her—

Her mind stuttered like a seized engine, both tried to block out the rush of terrible thoughts and sear them into her memory at the same time. She ran for the stairs and climbed them to the roof, air burning her lungs as she refused to breathe. Someone had said her name and she didn’t hear it, but she did hear the cascade of the other girls’ cries before the door shut behind her. 

Her hands gripped the still-warm steel of the roof’s wall as she looked down towards the ground. A ragged breath managed to pull oxygen into her lungs and she felt her cheeks moisten with tears as she silently cried. Numb to thought or reason, working on the outpouring of pure negative emotion, she started to climb over the wall to her certain death ten floors below when a strong hand took hold of her arm. She smelled burning tobacco, but it reminded her of the fancy smoke shops in the city center rather than the cheap stuff her father smoked in his pipe. Powerless she let herself be pulled away from what seemed like her only choice. 

“Seems we’re even.” He didn’t let her respond; he already knew she wasn’t in the state to. “Though saving me from dehydration and heat stroke seems minor compared to this.” 

“She was better than me,” she croaked. She could barely see his inquisitive gaze in the dark. The words couldn’t stop themselves. “She was better than me at everything, and now she’s gone. If she can’t do it then how could I think I can?” 

Hux absorbed this information, taking a careful drag on the black cigarette he nonchalantly held in one hand while the other had a firm grip on her arm. She stared into what little there was to be seen of his eyes and it sparked in him a revelation. His hold on her softened from capturing to pleading. “You’re still here, that’s all that matters. You’re tired.” 

Seamlessly he fell into the role of a commander and his subordinate. He flicked the ember of his cigarette away and guided her towards the door he’d come out of before she’d appeared. She noted that she’d describe the contact as gentle instead of the forceful jostling her harassers would resort to. She’d never been to this floor of the dormitory but it looked nicer than her own, presumably for the children of the wealthy and prominent. The son of the school commandant certainly deserved privacy. 

Instead of the communal bath and bedrooms big enough for only two beds and two desks, Hux’s room was practically an apartment. She didn’t have time to register it before she was encouraged to climb into a bed and a warm heavy blanket was cradling her to sleep. He was right, she was exhausted, and the sound of data pad being used was the noise she needed to make her mind focus on something mundane to distract itself. 

She awoke the next day to sunlight streaming over her face, only to be confused about her surroundings. To the rhythm of a gentle snore heard in the background she pieced together the last few hours before she’d fallen asleep. In a panic she sat up and clutched at her clothes, finding them wrinkled but in place. The memory of walking into her room and then staring off the roof made her chest hurt but she pushed it away. On the couch she found Cadet Hux, data pad fallen from his fingers, uniform still on, sleeping soundly. He didn’t wake when she found a light blanket to drape over him or when she picked up the data pad and put his dangling arm across his chest. From the chest pocket of her uniform she took out her little notepad and pen and she left a simple note in her careful handwriting. 

Thank you. 

* * *

Somehow she survived finals like many of her other colleagues. After her last exam Aneirin walked into the sunshine, found a sunny patch of perfectly manicured grass and lied down on it spread-eagled to capture the precious rays. Other students joined her and it was a sight to behold; the front lawn of the Academy became a silent sea of white-jacketed young men and women lying still as they soaked in the warmth and took deep breaths of fresh air. A squad of cadets wandered past, having finished their exams the day before, and their yelling and horseplay stopped as they caught sight of the medical students. If she’d looked up she would’ve seen Hux trailing behind them, green eyes looking at her. Instead, the group moved on in respectful silence. 

Normally the break between semesters was short in order to maintain the rigidness of academic discipline, as was Commodore Brendol Hux’s vision, but the rash of suicides and drop-outs this year sparked intervention from an overseeing general and the medical students were given a month off instead of the customary week. She didn’t have the money to visit Corsaira so she arranged to stay at the Academy. Her parents were happy just to hear that she was fine and apparently did better than she’d expected. She was only proud of maintaining her position at the top because it meant Cadet Hux’s efforts to keep her alive weren’t in vain. 

Most of the regular cadets had gone home, especially those from well-to-do families and some who were particularly homesick. The Academy was hushed and deserted except for the few of them left behind and the staff. There was probably a day that first week where she didn’t see another person. She chose to spend her days catching up on sleep and taking long walks around the Academy grounds. The garden and small lake made for good places to sit and read or take a nap under a shady tree. She saw some cadets swim in the waters but she never joined them and sometimes she walked through the forest lining the Academy grounds, pretending she was back home just for a few hours. 

On this particular day she’d gotten up early for a walk. In a bag she’d crammed some of her preserved food from home and set off towards the lake to enjoy a quiet breakfast looking at the serene water. Only, when she got there, it wasn’t so empty. A single figure was swimming towards the marker barely visible in the early morning haze. By the time she’d reached the end of the pier and sat down in her spot, the cadet had turned around and was on their way back. She was distracted by carefully extracting some dried beef from her pack when a sleek white arm reached up to brace on the pier’s edge. 

Without a word she picked a bite-sized piece of food and reached down to the swimmer. Rosy lips barely brushed her fingertips as it was taken from her and they both sat in silence while she chewed. “I thought you’d go home.” 

“This is home.” A beat passed as Aneirin processed this. Her response was to offer more of her precious stockpile which was graciously taken again. “You’re still here.” 

“Don’t have the money.” 

“I meant as a student.” 

“I’m not that good.” She crunched a slice of dried apple like it supported her assessment. He didn’t respond. Her hand reached out to offer him more, but he was already a few meters away down his circuit. When he came back they share a few more bites of food before he got out and walked back towards the Academy. She fought the urge to run to him and trace the curves of his soft skin, making some excuse like checking him for parasites or sun damage. Some of her peers found her making flower crowns in the field of wildflowers and they teased her about a crush they imagine she has. She told them that was ridiculous as she imagined the golden flowers crowning a head of red. 

It was week two of her break and she’d become restless. The officers started classes a few days ago so the students no longer had the run of the Academy or its grounds. Some of her friends start trying to match the cadets in their physical training to pass time and relieve stress. She heard some students weren’t coming back from off-world. She wasn’t really friends with anyone so she didn’t care that much, but sometimes the image of her roommate hanging from her bunk by her lab coat sash found its way into her thought patterns. She’d gotten good at ignoring it; it was upsetting but she was gone and there was nothing Aneirin could do. She reminded herself of Cadet Hux’s word: you’re still here, that’s all that matters. 

She was wandering the halls, med-kit in hand in case she needed some excuse to be walking around, when she heard voices from around the corner. It wasn’t uncommon for students to have conversations in the little alcoves and tucked-away spots peppered around the building so she thought nothing of it until she heard the heavy thud of fist on flesh and flesh on steel. She peered around the corner to find the same three cadets that destroyed her data pad earlier in the year standing over a crumpled figure. When she saw the familiar tuft of golden-red she instinctively retrieved her scalpel from her bag and approached the boys with heavy steps. 

“Look who it is!” The ringleader chuckled as they turned their attention to her. The grip on her scalpel and med-kit tightened at the sight of blood on the floor. She did her best to look big and unafraid but inside she was quaking with fear and rage. One of the cadets moved to grab her and he yelled in pain as he clutched his bloody hand. 

“The next one will be your jugular.” Stars, she hoped that sounded tough, but it just made the cadets angrier. It was a mess of her slicing at limbs trying to grab for her and whacking someone with her bag until she was predictably overpowered. Her only weapons were taken and she was held up to the wall by two sets of strong arms, her feet dangling and kicking uselessly. The ringleader picked up her scalpel to test the edge with a thumb. 

“Someone needs to teach you your place.” She bit back whimpers and tried to look fierce as her clothes were peeled away by careless slashes at the fabric. Her uniform shirt and the undershirt beneath it in tatters her skin was exposed to the cold of the climate-controlled hallway. With eyes that were both hungry and scathing, the young cadet looked her up and down, smirking at the weak attempt at defiance on her face. He broke the small tool in half easily and gave her bag a few good stomps before she was dropped heavily to the floor in a sniffling pile. They walked away laughing while she shivered in the cold, trying to wrap her arms around herself for dignity and warmth. Eventually she felt a jacket come down onto her shoulders. Lip split and eye beginning to swell shut, Cadet Hux stood over her, silent and angry. She hoped he wasn’t angry at her as she weakly put on the jacket and stood up. He walked her to her room, waited outside while she changed, and took the jacket back all in silence. He turned to leave when she put a hand on his shoulder, earning her a look that was a little more hateful than she wanted. 

“Wait, I have something.” She quickly ducked back into her room to rummage through her drawer of medical supplies, producing a small clay pot with the lid strapped on. She offered it to him like a priceless artifact. “For your lip and your face.” 

He gave the primitive stoneware a curious glance before opening it to reveal a poultice smelling of honey. “My mom makes it. Well, I made that one. If you don’t want it-“

“Thank you.” He looked at her, hatred and anger gone, and she simply smiled and watched as he walked away to his own room. It took her a few hours to stop shaking and fill out the request for a new set of uniform shirts. A girl across the hall asked her how she knew Hux, and Aneirin told her as little as possible, as if their relationship was somehow classified. That night she saw him eating in the dining hall and they end up walking side-by-side purely by chance. Her hand brushed his accidentally in the turbo lift. That’s the hand she uses to touch herself to sleep later, dreams haunted by fire crested in gold. 

* * *

Aneirin was still let out on break but she found ways to keep up with her medical training. In the clinic she shadowed under the staff doctors and did minor procedures under the watchful gaze of medical droids. She joined a group of medical students that hung out watching the cadets train in the harsh sun, making sure they had water available and assessing injuries. For a few days the cadets considered them all useless and that asking for their help made them weak, typical commanding officer bravado. 

But when a cadet broke his leg, the bone poking through, the officers were singing the med students’ praises at how quickly they all rushed the field and the precise and efficient division of labor that happened with minimal words exchanged. The oldest and thus most experienced student was the one to set the bone back in place, the next prepared to have it temporarily set for transport, Aneirin administered a local anesthetic and let the cadet squeeze her hand in a tight grip to keep from screaming in pain. The infirmary said that the quick response saved the young man some pain and recovery, so his whole squad sat with the med students at lunch. 

She was tearing up warm bread, mind in the small kitchen back home where her mother was surely making the best bread right now, when a cadet sat close to her at the last available spot. She was going to think nothing of it, she expected him to be one of the squad gaffing with her friends until she saw the freckles on the back of his pale hand. A leg pressed gently against her smaller one and she pressed back reflexively. Under the table they was secretly connected without exchanging words. 

In a letter her mother asked if she’d met any nice men. Aneirin tells her that someone stands out, but she doesn’t think he likes her that way. Her mother expresses hope that her kindness and warmth will wear down his rough exterior and reminds her of how gruff and independent her father was before he’d met her mother. She gets an extra package of her favorite treats labeled “to share.” When she later tells her mother that she’d been sharing with him all along, it was like she declared that they’d been dating this whole time. 

The cadets weren’t outside at the moment so she took the time to be by herself for a little bit. She sat in the gardens to read her letters and munch on her gifts when the hunger struck her. She thought about her parents and how much her success means to them, but she lamented that her work feels oddly empty. Maybe she’ll feel better about it when she’s qualified to save lives instead of take blood and administer painkillers, she thinks. From her perch she saw a squad of cadets moving towards the lake, no med students in tow. Curious, she packed up her things into her satchel and headed over without checking to see if Hux was among them. 

When she got there, many of the cadets were in the water. Aneirin stood on the shore, satchel by her feet, as she talked to the cadet in the cast giving her shy glances that she chose to ignore. There was no instructor, they were just given this time to cool off. It was during a moment of silence that she heard the first sounds of distress. Unthinking, she rushed to the edge of the pier to get a better look. Most of the cadets were on the shore, breathing heavily from their quick race, water deafening them. Except for one. 

She saw the boy flailing, looked back to see nobody paying attention, and she glanced at the water in apprehension. Aneirin was taking off her shoes before she could change her mind when she heard the distressed swimmer yell “he’s drowning!” 

He’s drowning? But there was only the one swimmer. She didn’t know why instinct kicked in, but she knew who he was and so she jumped into the water, erasing what fear of it she had. Her body ached and lungs burned but she reached the swimmer just as he stopped falling under the edge of the water. She dove down into the murky water and stretched out a hand, hoping to grab something human. She found an outstretched hand, took it, and used the last of her strength to break the surface and pull the boy’s body to the shore of a nearby island. The original swimmer was nowhere to be found, but she don’t even bother searching for him. 

She was pretty sure the Academy hadn’t covered how to recover someone from water, but one learned a lot living close by to many bodies of water and with quite a few ambitious cousins. Without skipping a beat she was administering CPR and it didn’t register that her lips were touching his she was so absorbed in saving him. Aneirin was beginning to cry and lose hope when a gush of lake water was coughed up from his body in violent spasms and she turned him on his side to help him not choke. His breath was ragged and his body shuddered but she knew he was at least alive and started to cry out of happiness. Hux was in no state to argue as she rubbed his back and ran a hand soothingly through his coppery hair, saying the words to some old poem she remembered from her native tongue. He was gripping her hand up until the moment a small water craft landed close by to retrieve them both. 

He didn’t say anything to her, but she didn’t need him to. They were even now. 

A few days later one of their old bullies had turned up dead: drowned. Another went missing a few days after that: he was found half-eaten by wildlife in the deep woods bordering the Academy grounds. The last one quit and went home. A few of the med students were sitting around talking about it while they watched the cadets perform weapons drills. 

“I heard that cadet killed him.” 

“Which one?” 

“Ya know, the Commodore’s son.” 

“Probably the Commodore had them killed for messing with his kid.” 

“I heard he’s a bastard.” 

“Doesn’t make him not his son. I wouldn’t want anyone fucking with my son.” 

“They only got in a fight.” 

“Nah, I heard they tried to drown him.” 

“Guess they didn’t count on our local hero, huh?” 

“Look at her, she’s so in love she can’t hear us.” 

“Love?!” She sputtered, breaking her gaze away from the cadets. “For your information, I was watching for injuries while you three were chatting away about rumors.” 

“Well you’d know if they were rumors, right?” One of them turned to her, the others looked away pretending to watch the cadets. “He’s your boyfriend after all.” 

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Aneirin huffed and picked up her box of treats to start eating. “Saving someone’s life doesn’t mean you’re dating.” 

“Well then why is he coming over here right now?” Cadet Hux, flushed from his collar up, came to a straight-backed rest in front of the little shelter the med students had made out of a group of trees. Behind him the firing stopped and the cadets began to go back inside, which her friends used as an excuse to go themselves. From her seat on the bench she looked up at him, waiting for him to say something. When he didn’t, she offered him a canteen and the unopened bag of food in outstretched hands. He took both and sat beside her. 

She watched as he took a few gulps of water, loosened his jacket, and opened the bag. With his long fingers he read the tag written in her mother’s beautiful loops with careful consideration. Together they both sit in silence, taking alternating pieces to share. On more than one occasion they both attempted to reach into the bag at the same time, causing their hands to touch. Hux seemed unfazed so Aneirin quelled her embarrassment and enjoyed the moment. She figured this was probably the only way he could show affection towards her and the thought leaves a warm spot in her stomach. In her mind, all of her medical diagrams turn into him, she instinctively searches for him, and she would’ve looked forward to having him in class if the semester schedule hadn’t been shifted for the medical students. 

There were still 5 years ahead of them, she could only hope that time would see a change. She’d settle for more little touches, his leg against hers during meals or their hands brushing. 


	2. Power of Healing

_When you're cold, not feeling so fine  
I will hold your hand, sweet love of mine. _

* * *

**Aneirin had gotten another package** the day before the medical students’ new semester started and she was surprised to see it addressed from her father. So much mail had passed to and from her that the one human supervising the mail droids knew her by sight and could recognize the packages by the wrapping. She was secreting it away to her dorm room when she ran into Hux in the turbolift. Her intention was to ride it in silence, assuming the young man would tell her if he wanted attention, but feeling his eyes peering down at her, she looked up to find him intently trying to read the scrawl her father called handwriting. 

“You have a curious family.” It was a statement and it was true; her family was very strange, but she liked them that way. They were simple without being dumb, hardworking while still having fun, and were as old-fashioned as they were voracious modern mechanics. The handwriting and from-scratch meals just made them special. “Do you drink tea?” 

“We drink something close, yes.” 

“You’ll join me, then.” When the turbolift stopped on her floor he quickly hit the button for the doors to close again. There was no real asking when it came to Hux, it seemed. Without the delirium of panic and grief, she was able to more accurately assess the state of his rooms. She’d remembered it being ornate and rich, but it was actually quite stark and minimal. She set the package on a table while the cadet brewed their tea and made them both a cup. 

“Are you feeling better? I mean, you seemed worn out the last time I’d seen you.” She sipped her tea, the smoky taste reminding her of the kitchen in winter when the fire kept the house warm. 

“The summer heat takes some getting used to, at least when you’re expected to be in full uniform.” He was currently free of said uniform, the black jacket neatly hung by the door. Aneirin could see the curve of his muscles under the clingy fabric of the long-sleeved undershirt and justified it by reminding herself of anatomy lessons. From the times she’d seen him swimming, she knew he was more the lean type than the kind to accumulate muscle mass but that didn’t make him weak. He could easily overpower her, but something told her he wouldn’t. 

“There’s probably something to eat in that box, let me open it…” Hux watched her discreetly as she retrieved the small parcel and brought it back to the table, sipping his tea as she wrestled with the adhesive. Inside was a sealed letter with her name in her mother’s distinct handwriting and another in her father’s. Getting a letter from her mother was cause for a good mood so a letter from both meant a great mood. She decided to open her father’s first. 

And she could barely get through it. It was hardly legible, the ink smeared and running in places. Aneirin could see where corrections were attempted but to no avail. The message was clear, despite every effort to hide the truth and smooth the edges. Hux watched with rapt attention as she opened her mother’s letter. Every other sentence was a dagger in her heart and she couldn’t keep her hands steady, the paper fluttering like a leaf in the wind. 

‘I want you to know how proud I always was of you.’ 

‘I wish I could’ve seen you be a great doctor.’ 

‘I hope you find love, either with your dear friend or…’ 

‘I’ll always be with you.’ 

‘I will always love you, my precious star.’ 

She tried to hold it in, but what she thought was a straight face was actually her sobbing and muffling wails in her hands. Aneirin felt lost like a ship without an anchor, a starship with no guidance system. She felt not only loss but every hurt and regret she’d ever had all at once. She wanted to be the first doctor in her family, to go home and help all her poor neighbors. 

It was like a great storm churned up the ocean of her emotions and they were crashing against something warm and soft, smelling like sweat, soap and tobacco. Two strong arms kept her ship from breaking up in the forces, a hand keeping her head above water. She didn’t remember getting there, but it didn’t matter because Hux’s body and presence was a safe harbor. She cried and moaned her pain into his shoulder and chest, his only communication the gentle press of his hand on her back. When she finally had nothing left to give, they both sat entangled in silence. Suddenly a thought occurred to her. “I can’t go home.” 

His grip on her shifted so that her pressing against his chest would be more comfortable for them both, his hand stroking her hair. The hesitation told her he wasn’t sure of what he was doing but it didn’t matter; he was trying to make her feel better and it was working. She knew the relaxation she felt was false, that it was like a mask over how terrified and lost she felt, so she soaked up what comfort she could. Never had silence been so much like a balm. 

Eventually Aneirin felt she’d imposed on his limited kindness too long and with the slightest movement away from him his arms loosened, barely brushing the curve of her back as he placed his hands in his lap. If she’d been paying attention she might have noticed the worry he was trying to quell in his eyes. Wiping away her tears on the cuff of her shirt, she whispered a hoarse apology as she picked up the package and left his room. 

What had followed was a week of numb autopilot. She’d ignored questions about why she hadn’t been seen in the dining hall for any of their meals, but somehow she’d managed to not let her appearance or engagement in classes slip, allowing her to go unharassed by the administration. To busy herself she’d worked on improving the healing cream recipe she’d learned from her mother, almost as some kind of ritual to remember the kind woman. Without the clay pot from the original batch, she used a spare cylinder from the infirmary. It seemed very appropriate, trading the earthenware container for something shiny and new, since she not only used roots and plants from the gardens and forest, but also synthesized materials from the infirmary. It sat on her desk as a sort of reminder, waiting to be useful. 

Also on her desk sat another awful reminder. Aneirin had finally gotten tired of the box of uneaten food her father had sent and resolved to take it up to someone who would eat it. She hadn’t seen him since the day she’d gotten her bad news, but it wasn’t like she’d been wandering around as much as she usually did. Her mouth fell open slightly in shock, the first feeling to break her emotional numbness, at the sight of the split in his lower lip and the annoyed scowl on his face. She could smell the faint smell of honey. Her mother’s healing cream. It unlocked some memory that caused her eyes to tear up, but she pushed them back. Recognizing the parcel in her hands momentarily softened his expression. “I wanted you to have this.” 

“Why?” The answer apparently didn’t matter because he took it from her. 

“We don’t eat for a week when in mourning.” He nodded slightly in understanding, one of his scuffed thumbs tracing the edge of the box as he stared down into it. “I’ll be right back.” 

He didn’t have time to argue as she quickly leapt down the stairs back to her floor and found the new batch of healing cream she’d just made. When she came back she was a little surprised to see his door cracked open but she took it as a sign to just slip inside. Cadet Hux was sitting on the couch picking through the box of food she’d left him with and watched with curious eyes as she held out the brushed-steel cylinder. “I made some improvements. Here, let me help.” 

Without complaint he sat still as she dabbed the sweet-smelling cream on her fingertips and then gently worked it into the bruises and cuts on his face and hands. Green eyes, pupils wide, intently studied her as she touched him, as if he wanted to make sure the contact was real. She blushed and laughed nervously when she noticed he’d moved his face slightly closer to hers while she was paying attention to the scratches on his knuckles; he moved away as she closed the lid on the cylinder and placed it on the low table by the couch. His voice uncharacteristically soft when he said ‘thank you.’ 

“You’re welcome. I hope you feel better.” Aneirin rubbed her hands together to absorb what was left of the cream before getting up. A scuffed hand encircled her wrist as she was turning to leave. Looking down at him, she was surprised to see his expression so open and earnest, something she’d learned to stop expecting when it came to the other students and the faculty. 

“I hope you will feel better as well.” She must’ve given him a confused look because he looked momentarily ashamed, as if he’d given the wrong answer to an easy question. The truth was, it wasn’t an easy question; social cues, especially those rooted in emotion and compassion, weren’t exactly high on the First Order’s list of priorities. “About your mother. Being away from home.” 

“I’m beginning to feel a little better, thank you. Let me know if you need anything.” His hand dropped and she was free to go. When she reached his door, she heard him speak up barely above a whisper. 

“I wish I’d never met you.” She looked back at him, hurt in her eyes. His were looking fondly at the hand with the scuffed knuckles, the fingers of his other hand brushing over the wound almost lovingly. “It’ll hurt too much when you’re gone.” 

“I’ll always be around. You’ll see. No one’s ever truly gone.” With that she stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind her with a soft click. Back in her room, Aneirin writes a letter to her father, skipping dinner in favor of more work and sleep. For once it was actually difficult to fall asleep, her mind racing with what had occured in a room just a few floors above her. She wondered what Cadet Hux was doing at that moment. Probably doing his work like the diligent student he was. 

The next day she was dropping off her letter at the mail office and was surprised to find that a telegram from her home planet had arrived. It was from her village elder informing her that, as soon as she could confirm the days she could leave the Academy, he’d arranged for transport back home to attend her mother’s funeral. She made a quick addendum to her letter and sent it off before making her way to the day’s first class. Instead of attending lunch she walked to the administrative building to get permission for leave. Aneirin tried to quell her elation at the prospect of going home, preparing to be most likely rejected and forced to stay. Getting to go home for a funeral was most likely seen beneath First Order officers, but she would feel guilty if she didn’t at least try. 

The woman at the front desk took her request with a half-hearted condolence and told her that she’d be informed as soon as the request was decided upon. She was almost out the door when the secretary called after her in a bored monotone. “The Commandant will see you in his office.” 

Aneirin was about to ask why when another woman appeared from behind a pair of doors, beckoning the student to follow her in a harsh tone. In her best imitation of Cadet Hux’s confident posture she took long strides to keep up with the quicker pace of her guide. She recognized the man behind the desk from the portrait in the main hall and she could see the resemblance between father and son. With her school bag she did her best salute, which is scoffed at, and remained at attention while the woman was dismissed. Brendol lit a cigar and got up from his leather chair to pace around the small doctor-in-training. He deliberately blew smoke into her face and she had to use every fiber of control to not sneeze and cough. 

“I usually admire ambition, but you’ve made the wrong choice trying to use my son,” he spat the word like it was cursed, “in order to get into my good graces. Armitage only receives treatment worthy of a Hux because he is my only child and it is to be expected. I tolerate his existence and that means I don’t have any reason to care about the whores he sticks his freckled cock in.” 

“Sir, we’re not—“ Aneirin shouldn’t have said anything, but she was on the defense for both Cadet Hux and herself. 

“Silence. I tolerate backtalk even less than that little thorn in my side.” He narrowed his harsh eyes at her and it reminded her of the hateful look Armitage gave her. “I wouldn’t have granted your request even if that bedstain hadn’t come to me about it first. Why? Because you’re no one. But since he got himself involved and dared to think I’d give him a favor, you’ll instead be punished as well as prohibited from leaving the Academy.” 

Her memory went back to the bruises mottling Hux’s pale skin, the split lip and the smell of her medicine. She wasn’t sure what kept her from shaking like a leaf in the wind. 

“20 extra hours of clinic duty for the rest of the semester.” He ashed the cigar into a gold dish on his desk. Aneirin stood in dumbfounded silence. “I’ll make it 30 if you send that bastard on your behalf again.” 

Aneirin wanted to correct him, that she had no idea Hux had pleaded for her case, but she suspected it would’ve resulted in her termination. Maybe she would be found dead in the garden the next day. “Yes, Sir.” 

“Leave.” 

Aneirin was a few minutes late to her next lecture but the look of distress on her face and the pallor of her skin curbed the instructor’s reprimand. The rest of the day passed by in a fog. At dinner she caved to her colleagues’ inquisition and told them about her mother’s death. They offered their sympathies better than the administrative secretary. Some cadets from the squad they’d befriended during break were sitting at the end of the table and silently listened in as she described her childhood when asked for some happy memories. 

She was an only child but had many cousins. The people of her village worked hard in fields and were the favorite of the planet elite. They found the idyllic life quaint and admirable, often purchasing large orders of artisan goods in order to impress their neighbors. Occasionally a wealthy noble would purchase some neighboring land and build a villa so they could ‘walk around like the ancient peoples.’ Aneirin was one of the few from her village to receive an education besides the simple schooling offered by a local mother and the village elder, sometimes traveling teachers made the rounds among the villages. That’s why she wanted to be a doctor, but first she had to serve the First Order to pay off the schooling. There were of course medical school programs on the planet, but the First Order had access to cutting-edge medical technology and there was the possibility that she could take that back with her. 

She was walking out of the dining hall when she felt a firm hand on her shoulder. She tried to hide her disappointment that it wasn’t Hux but instead the boy she’d held hands with as he writhed in pain on the field. 

“I’m sorry about your mother.” He gave her a small but genuine smile, a slight blush on his cheeks. She remembered standing with him on the shore, watching the cadets race in the lake. 

“Thank you.” She expected that to be the end of it but his hand caught hers as she turned to leave. It was warm and a little sweaty and he looked at her nervously. 

“I wasn’t going to ask, because I thought you were with Cadet Hux…” He looked away briefly in embarrassment before regaining his courage. “But I saw you give his things back, so I assume it’s over.” 

“We are just acquaintances.” She had hoped to call him a friend but she wasn’t sure he subscribed to that line of thinking. Even some of her classmates that she considered friends didn’t find the word appropriate. 

“Well, that makes this easier. I was wondering if you’d like to… spend time with me?” Her mouth fell open a bit in wonder. She hadn’t really been interested in anyone but Hux, but with the conversation she had with Commandant Hux it seemed like maybe being in a relationship with the redhead would be detrimental to both of their careers and health. 

“Sure.” He gave her a big grin and planted a kiss on her cheek. He walked her to her room and sat with her as she studied. It became late so she stood up and turned to let him out, only to find him staring at her. “Well, uh, now’s when I normally go to bed…”

“Don’t kick me out, we can have some fun first.” He placed a hand on her hip and she gently tried to remove it. His grip dug to the bone and pulled her closer to bring his mouth to her neck. “I’ve had plenty of girls, it’ll be a good time.” 

“I barely know you.” Aneirin tried to push him away and her skin crawled at the feeling of his lips on her skin. 

“Don’t be a prude.” The hand on her hip left a bruise before it was gripping her wrists harshly. His mouth was on hers, muffling any cry for help, but she managed to knock over her desk chair, the loud banging resonating in the small space. It didn’t take long for a neighboring student to come knock on her door. The cadet pulled back and glared down at her. “Say anything to anyone and they won’t recognize you when I’m done with you.” 

He let her go and walked out of the room. Aneirin brushed off her neighbor’s concerned questions and got ready for bed. In the shower she used the sound of the water to mask her choked sobs. 

* * *

Aneirin was in the clinic for most of her free time, due to her extra 20 hours, and she was working on an assignment when someone came in. She barely registered the exchange between the cadet and the reception droid and only looked up when someone cast a shadow on her pad of paper. The feeling of excitement mixed with heartache in her stomach with the sight of Cadet Hux. He still looked at her guardedly and it hurt, the reminder that she caused him pain and that he wished to have never met her. On the admittance form it stated his reason for visit was the yearly mandated physical exam. 

She looked around for another doctor, but knew everyone had left for a luncheon because she volunteered to stay. A little too gladly she left her books behind and took the datapad with her, weaving through the twisting halls to find the designated exam room. Seeing as she was a medical student the datapad took an audio-recording of the visit to be reviewed later by her assigned instructor. In a warm manner she cycles through the memorized spiel and went down the list of questions on the form as she fidgeted with the stylus. Updated family history, alcohol, tobacco and drug use, changes in health, average length of sleep, sexual history. She did her best impression of an uninterested physician for the last question and she inwardly sighed in relief when he said ‘none.’ 

She was taking his pulse and blood pressure when he noticed the bruise circling her wrist, barely hidden by where her gloves and shirt cuff met. The device gave a strange reading, much to her annoyance, and she reset the device to take the measurements again. She flipped through his chart, but she couldn’t find the answer she was looking for. “Cadet, have you ever been told you have high blood pressure?” 

“It’s not unusual for an officer.” His tone was deadpan but when she looked up at him, the soft look to his green eyes did not match his words. There was something fiery about them, like he was resolved to do something or that he’d found a purpose. She swallowed a lump in her throat. 

“You should still make some effort to bring it down. It can be hazardous to your health.” She tried to make her concern sound purely professional. “You of course already exercise. You could try cutting down on your smoking… And watch what you eat, though not that we have many choices here. You can of course come back when a qualified doctor comes back to assess the medication route.” 

“That’s unnecessary.” She wasn’t going to argue with him, so she continued with her exam. It came time for him to undress and she tried to control the blood rushing to her face while she turned away making notes on her pad. When she stopped hearing the rustle of clothes, she steeled herself, spun around on her stool, and stood to face him. It didn’t help her attempt at professionalism that, due to her height and his ramrod-straight posture, her eye level was even with his chest and even the slightest glance away drew her attention to anatomy she was hoping not to look at directly. Beet-red Aneirin went through the assessment with a strangled voice and shaky hands, but the cadet said nothing about it. She’d performed exams on dozens of male cadets with zero problems, they were just another body in a textbook without the little labels to point out the features. But this had felt oddly intimate. Feeling the heat of his bare skin underneath the gloves, the smell of him free without the uniform, the slight inhale when she touched certain places. 

She thanked the stars that they were done and he could put his uniform back on. She made note of his elevated blood pressure and the ever so slight curve in his spine. He thanked her for her time, she showed him back to the waiting room, and she went to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. The next morning, the cadet with the broken leg was sent to a better facility in the nearby city, his face so badly bruised and swollen that he was identified by his cast. He never returned to the Academy. Common sense told her why it happened, but she chose to ignore it. 

It seemed that Aneirin’s position as Cadet Hux’s ‘favorite’ was a target on her back. For a while she didn’t have a problem with the other students, the main culprits of her abuse long gone. But rumor had gone around how she’d been seen with the injured cadet who was beaten within an inch of his life, so it must’ve been her fault that he’d gotten that way. No one bothered to ask if he did something to her, she had no opportunity to show the bruises she herself had earned. Instead, a pair of his squad mates thought they would corner her in the dormitory building. What they hadn’t counted on was that she’d won her fair share of fights and she wasn’t afraid to fight dirty. 

Two against one wasn’t exactly the best odds, especially considering the one was more like a half compared to the two young men. She was pretty sure she broke one of their ribs with her boot, she’d taken a shot to the face but brushed it off like a bug bite. The sharpness of her blue eyes had one of them falter long enough for her to throw them off balance. She thought she was doing pretty well until one of them wrapped his arms around her from behind and lifted her off the ground. Her kicking feet warded off the other, causing him to back up into Cadet Hux. The boy was spun around, grabbed by the collar, and punched right in the nose. It was as if the young man behind her was trying to use her body as a shield but she saw the flash of metal slip out from a jacket sleeve. 

“Don’t!” she cried out, the redhead stopping in his forward assault, eyes confused. Even the boy who had her captured seemed unsure. “If you let me go, he’ll let you go. No one dies or sent away, just a row. Deal?” 

There was a moment where the offer was considered and the cadets must’ve exchanged looks over her shoulder because when Hux nodded she was dropped to her feet. Her two assaulters helped each other limp to the Infirmary. She visually inspected her savior for damage, even if he was obviously unscathed. He took out a black linen handkerchief from his pocket and pressed it to her bleeding lip. “I didn’t take you for much of a fighter. You were doing quite well.” 

She smiled, a blush hidden by exertion, and their fingers briefly brushed as she took responsibility of the fabric staunching her small wound. “I was, wasn’t I? I don’t think they were expecting that. Thank you.” 

“You’re quite welcome, Reader.” Green eyes washed over her face, already imagining the healthy bruise that would form. “You are very different from me.” 

“How so?” 

“You spared them when you could so easily have been rid of them.” His face betrayed an emotion she couldn’t quite decipher. A confused admiration. 

“Their deaths would have been pointless. There’s always the possibility they might learn from this; whether that is to leave us alone or that I am not their enemy, I can’t say.” He laughed a little and the sound made her heart swell. “What is so humorous?” 

“Nothing. I enjoy the way you speak. It’s a shame you must hide it. Very unique.” A word silently hung on his tongue, but he swallowed it. She giggled and he smiled. 

She would remember that exchange when he came in to the Infirmary looking like death. Cadet Hux refused to be touched by any human, especially the students, until she showed up. For the most part he was allowed his little preference because he was the son of Commandant Hux, no one wanted even the possibility of getting attention from him. The other students left the exam room as she tugged in gloves and she could visibly see the young man relax. She recalled from his file that he was sick often as a child, so it came as no surprise that he was so badly affected by a flu. 

He seemed nervous about her putting a needle in his arm for some much-needed fluids but it took one try and she only elicited a wince. There was no fight as she helped him recline and used a cold wet cloth on his face. His skin was so pale, dark circles under his eyes, and he appeared to have a hard time staying focused. A miserable expression turned placid and then peaceful as she sung a song under her breath, lit a candle meant to be relaxing, and dimmed the lights. “You’re not like the others.” 

“No, I’m not. They’d just send you back to class, wouldn’t they? But tell me, are you feeling better?” She turned to smile at him and was shocked to find him staring at her dreamily. She acknowledged that he was feverish and nothing more, especially when he coughed. The whine of a body aching pulled at her heartstrings and she handed him a glass of cold clean water. 

“Much better. I’ll have to write you a commendation on your excellent bedside manner.” He tried to make it sound like a joke but he had full intentions to do it. He believed good work deserved to be rewarded. 

“They don’t like my bedside manner. I’m too personal. Coddling.” A clammy hand brushed the outside of one of hers and she could feel a tremor in the contact. Her mind raced through his memorized file, wondering if his childhood illnesses were really the result of growing up in sterile space stations or some underlying uninvestigated cause. She laughed as she took the empty glass from him and refilled it. “Maybe they’re afraid of how much they like being coddled.” 

“Maybe.” He sipped from the glass. At least a little bit of his color was coming back. What little there was to begin with. Instinctively she combed his hair back into its youthful swoop with her fingers. “Don’t tell anyone I enjoy your treatment.” 

She laughed, so hard a snort came out. “I’ll tell them I jabbed you with needles.” 

With that she left him to recuperate, coming back to remove the needle from the crook of his arm and put out the candle. He promised to drink more water in addition to his tea and thanked her for her service. 

The year hadn’t been as hard as the last, at least not emotionally, and for that she was thankful. This time she chose to do her studying in her room, now that it was only her. Sitting in relative silence, Aneirin jumped in surprise at the knock on her door. On the other side was Cadet Hux in the soft charcoal-grey shirt that they were given to ‘lounge’ in, hair gently swept to the side. A faint smile graced her lips. “To what do I owe the pleasure, cadet?” 

“I thought you might want some company.” Somehow there was the unvoiced concern of ‘to make sure you are fine.’ Of course she was fine, she was past that distress of the first year. She wouldn’t call herself hardened so much as… learned. She got it out in her journals so that it didn’t fester in her mind like it most likely did with others. “I could make us tea.” 

“That sounds lovely, I’ll gather my things.” Everything she was using went into her bag, his presence looming just inside the threshold. When she turned to leave she found him holding the pendant that hung on her bedpost. “Do… you want that? Your mother gave it to me, when we met at the starport. Normally I wear it when I leave, like a good luck charm.” 

He unhooked the clasp and stepped forward so that he could slip the chain around her neck, securing it. Thin pale fingers felt along the links, thumb brushing over the family crest. “Cecilia obviously wanted you to have it, it should stay with you.” 

And so they sipped tea and passed most of their studying in silence, save for when they asked for the other to quiz them on information. When the sun dipped in the horizon they walked down to the dining hall and ate together, also in relative silence. He walked her to her dorm room like a guardian, a white marble statue given life. His parting words were ‘I know you will do well.’ As always she did, the two of them staying at the top of their classes. 


	3. Nature and Nurture

_Heavy metals and walls of stones  
Stand no chance against swords that love hones. _

* * *

**The third year marked a special test** , a survival hike through the forests and mountains of Arkanis. Aneirin considered it pure coincidence that she was paired with Cadet Hux, but it was just equally as likely that it was because they were the top students of their year. Long hikes, camping, and hunting trips were a regular occurrence in her childhood, so she wasn’t really worried. She packed up the appropriate things, which was a little difficult given the change in diction, and slung the blaster rifle over her shoulder. They met in front of the dormitory building early in the morning; she remembered that it was raining horribly. It was often like that on Arkanis: a constant torrential rain that required water-repellent cloaks and packs impervious to the winds and fat raindrops. Therefor it was difficult to actually identify the redhead, face hidden in a dark hood and the air grey with the sheet of rain. 

Wordlessly they walked together through the muck and navigated almost like blind people with the rain reducing their line of sight drastically. There were caches throughout the forests and mountains that they were responsible for finding, though she wasn’t entirely sure how they were supposed to orient themselves in this weather. Be prepared for anything, she figured. The rain stopped somewhere around noon and the sun came out with a vengeance, making tinted goggles a necessity. When they found their first cache they sat and ate their survival ration bars, taking swigs from their canteens. They were looking out over a glen in the middle of the forest when a long-legged creature with three trailing smaller ones wandered into view. She let out a soft sound of adoration and out of the corner of her eye she could tell he was looking at her instead of the sight. They went on their way. 

That night they got to the base of the mountain, making camp under an outcropping that would protect them from anymore sudden rain. They ate their second meal as the sun finished setting, bathing them in pale blue light with the moon taking its spot in the sky. The rock underneath them was still warm from its basking but the air chilled perceptively, causing her to shiver without notice. She heard the rustle of their hiking packs and a grey wool blanket wrapped itself around her. Another one was unpacked and used, a small flicker of a lighter signaling his need for a cigarette. For whatever reason, despite her never accepting it, he offers it to her to share. For whatever reason, she accepts it this time, lips tingling with the knowledge that his had just been wrapped around the black paper, and inhales as she’s seen him do countless times. Of course, even after years of her grandfather and father’s smoking, she still choked on the harsh polluted air, lungs burning. A hand rubbed the center of her back in a soothing motion after taking the cigarette back. It lingered and when she shifted closer to him his hand rested on her waist, her shoulder resting against the side of his chest, her head eventually falling on his own bony shoulder. 

When she woke up she found one of the blankets under her head acting as a pillow and no cadet in sight. His pack was still nearby, neatly packed along with her own, so he hadn’t intended on leaving her behind. Only his blaster, both of their canteens, and his binoculars were missing. She was trying to decide if she should stay nearby when the sound of approaching footfalls signaled the arrival of her partner. He handed her the canteen with her imprinted name, filled with new filtered water from a stream they had passed the day before, and they ate breakfast together before heading out. 

The mountain cliffs proved hazardous and challenging, but with the two of them pulling and pushing each other from landing to landing between footholds, they managed to reach their next cache with only one moment of panic, when he slipped and the thing that stood between him and sudden death was her hand wrapped around his thin wrist. It would bruise later but it didn’t matter in the face of the alternative. When they reached a rock shelf big enough for them both, they cling onto each other. Aneirin tried her best not to let her emotions get the best of her but the surge of adrenaline and heart-stopping terror meant tears streamed down her cheeks punctuated by strangled sobs. Hux held her close, making soothing shushing noises that, from the tone of his voice, was for both of their benefits. Both calmed, they carefully made their way to the largest of the shelves where they found the plasteel cache with the data-disk inside. They took the opportunity to properly rest and have their midday meal, attempting to quell their visible shaking. He had another cigarette and she tried once again to share it between them. 

Their path took them back through another forest after a rolling field of grass. Under the canopy of dense trees they set up camp for the last night they’d be out in the wilderness. The moonlight created shafts of pale silver light through holes in the leaves, turning the dirt floor into a night sky. This night was colder than the last and instead of making do with their own wool blankets, they curled up together with both blankets trapping in two bodies’ worth of heat. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck, hear his heartbeat, and his arm served as a pillow to keep her head off the ground and her neck aligned with her spine. Before she drifted asleep, exhausted from the day’s events, she could’ve sworn she felt him inhale deeply with his nose in her loose hair, but neither of them said anything about it. When she woke up in the middle of the night she found his other arm secured around her waist and their legs were haphazardly entangled under the blankets. She attempted to move, but the sleeping cadet pulled her closer in his sleep, like a child clutching a stuffed animal for comfort. 

For once she was the first to wake up, the sun still under the horizon, desperately needing some privacy in the trees. Hux had rolled away from her at some point in the night, probably too hot judging from the dark spots of sweat on his shirt and the dampness of her own skin, so it was easy not to rouse him to wander off. She didn’t stray far but her watch, and the light, told her she’d been awake for some time. The sun was shining through the trees, leaving rays of light beading down through the canopy to create constellations on the forest floor, just like the night before. Her bare feet grazed the lush grass, the air sweet with floral scents. Aneirin slid the bag from her shoulders and crouched down, digging into the earth with her fingers to break free the little sprigs. The task allowed her to clear her mind of all the troubling things that plagued her, a gentle hum currently her only company.

With the distractions of labor and thought she didn't hear the thump of booted feet behind her. Only when a throat cleared did she turn to see Cadet Hux fully dressed with his bag and her blaster rifle slung over his shoulder. “You worried me.”

“I‘m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” He came to stand next to her, looking down at the plants she was harvesting. He never took the time to really inspect and appreciate the things that could be found in nature. 

“No need.” His voice was firm but not unkind. 

Aneirin looked down at the ground too, but out of embarrassment. “Just wanted to take some samples. There are no research logs on the medicinal uses of plants on Arkanis.”

“With our technology I imagine that they have no use.” She laughed a little, turning the sprouts around in her hands. 

“You never know where you might end up.” A yawn escaped her throat, so she chose to lower herself down and rest against a tree. Without prompting, Hux decided to join her, their shoulders touching.

“I’d never been on a planet until we came here.” His voice was soft and quiet, she was surprised she even heard him, but his breath was practically in her ear. She felt her eyes getting heavy.

“I’d never been on a starship until I came here.” The concept of it humored him and his laughter vibrated through their connection. “Aren’t we a pair.”

“A pair of what?”

“Weirdos.” Her head drooped to lie on his shoulder, but he didn’t move away. After a few moments she felt his head lean to rest against hers. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Then rest. I’ll be here.” A few hours later he woke her so they could get back to the Academy, still ahead of schedule and the first ones to finish. They walked together back to the dormitory building and his hand brushed hers in the turbolift before she got off on her floor. In her room she took a long bath, scrubbing days of dirt, rain, and sweat from her skin and hair, soaking the aches away in her muscles. At dinner she ate much more than she normally did and there wasn’t much conversation in the mess hall considering the weariness of the third-years who comprised most of the diners at that hour. On her way back to her room, she passed Hux and before she even started to smile at him, he pressed something into her hand and went on his way. It must have been an antique and it was certainly not something she expected him to have lying around, for it was a paperweight made of a miniature bouquet of wildflowers cast in a heavy resin. No note, no explanation. A ‘thank you.’ 

At the end of the day Aneirin was performing her clinic hours when she was assigned a yearly physical to perform. Normally second years were assigned physicals if older students present didn’t still need to fulfill the 50 required, but she was specifically requested. Only other medical students had requested her, which had helped her finish her requirement early, but this was one of the officers. She fought down the heat in her cheeks when she saw the file titled ‘Hux, A.’ Professionalism was her armor, and while the young man was nothing but courteous and forthcoming, he still managed to make it difficult. During the examination their noses managed to brush and she laughed it off, his intense look silencing her. Checking his eyes, she got lost in the gorgeous seas of green and gray, earning her a low chuckle and a whispered ‘should I be worried?’ He wasn’t shy about stripping with her in the room, he’d done it before, but there was something almost prideful about the action now. The sound he made at a certain point was seared into her memory forever. As if nothing untoward had happened, he got dressed and left the clinic, leaving her to fan herself in the exam room with her datapad. 

With the coming heat meant cadets finding every opportunity they could to get in the Lake, either just to swim laps or compete in whatever games they dreamt up. On more than one occasion she was invited into the water and subsequently mocked when she refused. They all knew she could swim, having been the one to rescue a drowning Cadet Hux, so they couldn’t see any good reason why she should stay on shore. In the early morning she went to the water just to enjoy a quiet moment of serenity, but she wasn’t alone. The redhead had a habit of early morning or late evening swims, gracefully gliding through the dark water like some pale knife or majestic bird. He came up to her at the end of the dock like he had at the end of their first year, shining and breathing steady but heavily. 

“I feel much safer now, with you watching.” His tone was his normal flat delivery but there was a playfulness in his eyes: a joke. She laughed in response. “What is so amusing, Reader?”

“The fact that you, the one out here swimming at least once a day, could feel safer with me as your lifeguard.” He lifted himself out of the water and onto the pier, dangling his long white legs off the edge and dripping all over the place. With long fingers he combed back his wet red hair in a messy swoop away from his eyes. 

“You did save me once.” He chuckled briefly, a low husky sound. “Twice now.” 

“I suppose your life meant more than my fear of water.” She fiddled with cleaning her fingernails to distract herself from the embarrassment. 

“Afraid of water? I would have never guessed.” His tone wasn’t harsh, almost fond. “Explains why I never see you out here, though.” 

“I almost drowned as a kid, I didn’t know how to swim yet and a cousin pushed me into the river when we were playing.” She’d long since forgiven the boy, they were young and didn’t know any better. No one was hurt and a lesson was learned. 

“Ah, a traumatic experience.” They sat in silence for a moment. “I’ll help you.”

“What?” Her eyes went wide with surprise but he seemed unfazed. With resolution he nodded, his loose hair bobbing. 

“Tomorrow morning. I’ll help you not be afraid of it anymore.” His eyes were earnest, his demeanor so open she had a hard time believing it. 

“Why would you do that?” His small smile set her off balance.

“It seems I do better with you by my side.” He all but said he wanted to be friends. Aneirin didn’t need to debate whether she wanted to be his friend or not, it was an easy answer. 

The next morning she put on her bathing suit underneath her uniform and grabbed a towel to take down to the pier. Her instructor was already waiting, uniform sitting in a neatly folded pile, leaving him in the black swim trunks that made his skin look impossibly white in comparison. She took off her uniform, set it beside his, and for a moment she considered the possibility that he’d only offered to conquer her fear in order to see her in what was practically underwear. If he had he would be disappointed to see her in the less-revealing one piece that covered her skin from neck to knee, but she found him faintly smiling at her before he dove into the water, almost no splash for evidence that he’d broken the surface. He smoothed back his bangs and wiped the water from his freckled face, Aneirin nervously standing with her toes curled on the edge of the last plank in the pier. 

Long white arms outstretched, hands open in an inviting gesture, he looked up at her from the water. His voice was uncharacteristically soft and calming as he spoke. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

She believed him. So she sat down and lowered herself into the water, into his arms. Her whole body tensed in fear and she gripped his shoulders, but he didn’t let go or sink like she’d expected him to. He guided her with relaxing breaths and when she was ready he let go, only to catch her again as she failed to stay afloat. Knowing she could at least move in the water, Hux instructed her to swim to the island in the middle of the lake where she’d revived him while he back-stroked in front of her to watch for distress. Her heart was audibly pounding when they slid onto the wet sand and he gave her the opportunity to rest. Aneirin didn’t know why she spoke up. “Why did you request me for your physical?” 

He rested his arms on his bent knees and looked out over the placid water. “Because you actually care. I think you will make a great medical officer and I want to nurture that. That is what great officers do.” 

In some ideal timeline or alternate universe he would’ve said it was because he wanted to see her, be alone with her, or have her touch him again. But she was satisfied with his answer, because it meant he saw something in her. It’s been said to her several times, but it meant more coming from him. They swam back and forth a few times before he had her try to tread water again. When she sank and he pulled her up, their cheeks brushed and she swore steam rose from their skin. They got out before it became too late and the other students would come to cool off, leaving them to be one of the few in the mess hall for lunch. 

Aneirin’s third year closed without much excitement and the fourth passed in the blink of an eye, the planet’s winter upon them before she had time to even register its autumn. Snow fell with heavy flakes onto the Academy lawn, accumulating into a white blanket and frosting the limbs of the trees until they sagged. In the sitting room on her dormitory floor was an unused fireplace, dried wood still stacked beside it untouched. The other students preferred the heated air pumped through the vents, but with the scene outside she was ready for her winter tradition. She started the fire, something she was sure most of the Academy residents didn’t know how to do, and crawled into the nearest comfortable couch with a large leather-bound tome and a blanket her mother had made for her as a child.

The smell of burning wood and the worn-in leather reminded her of home. With careful fingers she traced the beautiful gold raised lettering; in her alphabet it read ‘History and Legends of the Star Empress.’ The pages were trimmed with gold, their edges sparkling in the firelight and thus she tucked in for a long read. Every year since she was a little girl, she would read the book in front of a fire when she had the chance and the end of the semester gave her that chance. 

It was a few hours later when she felt the couch sink next to her and much to her surprise, she saw Cadet Hux looking in her direction with a cup and saucer in his hands. She nodded, assuming he was just there to enjoy the warmth of the fire. It was only when his shoulder came into her peripheral vision did she realize he was trying to read her book. Her language was contained to only her planet so she knew he had no reason to know it.

“I’ve never seen such a thing.” His voice was quiet, to keep it from echoing through the room, and it made it sound breathy and intimate. She blamed the blush on her cheeks on the warmth of the fire.

“It’s just a dumb book from my dumb planet.” He shook his head in response, a disappointed ‘tut’ on his tongue.

“What is it about?” She went wide-eyed, mouth slightly open in wonder.

“Well, we had this woman—the Star Empress, Semine. And she was the longest-reigning ruler and controlled the most territory in her lifetime. She was praised for being the most beautiful person to ever live, inspiring a renaissance. She was a skilled swordsman and they said she could tell if a man was lying without fail. But everyone was enamored with the story of her and her husband.” She laughed at herself, toying with the yarn of her blanket. Hux moved slightly closer to her. “It’s all too romantic.”

“Tell me about them.”

“Well, they knew each other as children. They would spar and explore the countryside together. They were inseparable and it was said that their love was so deep that they didn’t need words to communicate. When the empress was on her mission to conquer the world her husband was always by her side. When she ascended the throne she declared ‘I do this for him.’ He loved her so much that he wanted to give her a gift as beautiful as she was, so he spun the stars into a necklace and presented it to her in front of the entire court. It was in every depiction of the empress known to us. Their story has been retold millions of times and is still the subject of modern art and plays.” She smiled at the book fondly. “I always like to read it when it’s snowing, the sparkling of the snow looks like stars.”

“Read it to me.” She laughed like it was a joke, but she realized that he was serious. Clearing her throat she lifted her blanket to let him underneath and she placed the book between them for him to examine the artwork as she read aloud. The sun had long since set before he tore himself away from her, saying something about bed. “Thank you for the lesson.”

She smiled up at him in a glimmering grin. “Any time.”

Something had possessed Aneirin to go to his room, a collection of books in her arms in the small hope that he wished to spend time with her again. She knocked on the door at what she thought was an audible volume but she wasn’t greeted. She only managed to get a few steps away, assuming he was not in or didn’t want visitors, before his door opened behind her. A pale face was even paler, save for the dark marks under Hux’s eyes and the feverish blush on his high cheeks, and on sight she could tell he had a bad cold or possibly even a flu. He didn’t have to speak, she instinctively knew he needed her care, and he accepted it by letting her into his room. On the coffee table was an attempt at drowning the illness with hot tea but even the meticulous young man failed to keep the cups clean when he was not feeling well. 

An assessment of his health was made and a kettle was set to boil while she washed out a cup in his sink. Tea steeped as she got a damp cloth to cool his face and wipe away the sweat that was undoubtedly uncomfortable on his skin. A stubborn young man who would’ve refused help from anyone, would rather die than be thought weak, accepted her ministrations without complaint or fight. She encouraged him to change into a fresh set of pajamas and sat with her on the sofa, drinking his tea and inhaling the steam while she read to him. 

“Did your mother take care of you, like this?” The interruption jarred her from her monologue but the content of it was what surprised her. His tired green eyes stared into the brown liquid of his tea and his finger played with the edge of the cup. 

“Yes, she did.” She didn’t know what else to add and so she waited to see if there were further questions. 

“She was kind.” Not exactly a question, but it seemed to necessitate the answer ‘yes.’ “She loved you. And you loved her.”

“We did love each other, yes. I still do. I miss her.” Aneirin tore her eyes away from him to look at the book in her lap. 

“I’m glad. That she was kind and that she took care of you. Or else I would be here, alone.” She figured that was true, though she liked to think she’d still be fairly kind and caring on her own, but her mother undoubtedly played a large role in her personality and goals. “Tell me about her. Please.”

So Aneirin did, spinning a history so detailed and rich that it could’ve been woven into a tapestry, her companion hanging on every word. It was late and she’d shared stories both sad and heartwarming, all of which had almost lulled him to sleep. She cleaned up his tea set as he climbed into bed and she had to resist the urge to place a kiss on his forehead when she placed a glass of water on his bedside table before leaving. Until he was better she would check up on him every day, bringing new books, answering new questions. 

“I suppose I have never asked your opinion of the war.” Hux coughed, the phlegm in his lungs and throat causing a harsh rattling that elicited sounds of empathetic sadness from his caretaker. A new cup of hot tea was handed to him; he’d drank so much of it that Aneirin had to sneak the lower-grade tea bags out of the cafeteria. His distaste for the stuff was overshadowed by his amusement, the thought of her nervously stealing something as innocuous as tea had his lips curling in his characteristic smirk and playfully he called her ‘my little thief.’ “I assume your people have a different view on the matter.” 

“I don’t really want to talk about it, Hux.” She tried to busy herself with cleaning up his dormitory room but when there was nothing left for her to do he was ready to continue the subject as soon as she sat back down in the chair next to his bed. “You are pretty anxious about it. Are you perhaps a spy?” He’d intended it to be a joke but the way she didn’t meet his eyes and wrung her hands together had him sitting up a little straighter, mind a little more alert. 

“I hate the war, okay? I’m sick about it, when I don’t have anything to keep my mind busy. That’s why I’m always working.” Hux put his teacup and saucer down on his nightstand and, while he didn’t think he would need to defend himself or dispose of a spy, he did make himself less comfortable and vulnerable. 

“What is there to be sick about?”

“That I’m helping continue the war, by being here and then my service to the army. I don’t want to be in a war, I’m not…” Her stomach felt like it was in knots, she rubbed her hand over the pain and her face scrunched up. “It’s not the kind of person I am.”

“Why be here and not in a hospital on your planet?” His tone wasn’t accusatory which helped Aneirin not feel any worse, at least. “There are other ways to be a doctor.”

“The First Order has the best medical technology and advances it all the time, it made the most sense. I wanted to help my planet get better resources. We have nothing to trade for it, at least nothing we’re willing to give up that the galaxy deems of equal value, so-“

“So you will make yourself sick knowing you’re working against your beliefs even though it shall be for a worthy cause.” She still refused to meet his eyes, throat burning with shame. “I don’t believe I have ever known someone so self-sacrificing. You should be proud.”

“I don’t feel proud. But you are for the war, so I’m not surprised we don’t see things the same.” She groaned as her insides squirmed. Cadet Hux went from sitting up in bed to sitting in the edge of it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that to sound insulting.”

“How do you see things?” The doctor-in-training finally met his gaze she was so confused by his lack of angered or mocking tone. 

“There shouldn’t be bloodshed, planets should just get to decide if they want to be with the Order or the Republic or neither. Children shouldn’t be stolen from their families and homes shouldn’t be laid to waste.” Her voice had gotten heated, passionate, but when the words stopped she backed down and went back to being the submissive presence. 

“I gather you would say we need to work together, but the result is the same; one galactic power.” Aneirin sighed heavily, closed her eyes to stop herself from speaking, and turned her face away to look around his room instead, as if she hadn’t seen in enough already to have the grain of the door frame wood memorized. “You can speak your mind, you know. I want to hear your opinion.”

“The war is pointless because there will never be one galactic power.” Hux raised a dark eyebrow.

“Corsaira has had a single planetary ruling body for thousands of centuries.”

“I’m not an idiot. Corsairans are all relatively the same, have mostly the same needs and values. There’s always some people who crop up that don’t see things the same way but if something doesn’t get traction then it must not have been a convincing argument.” She watched him cross his long legs nonchalantly, briefly wishing she was capable of such a graceful pose even in the face of being ill. “A person from Finndale and another from Um’ani have much more in common than a Gand and an Ithorian, I imagine.”

Green eyes though red with his current ailment studied her face. “I imagine so. I unfortunately do not know much of your anthropology.”

“Unfortunately?” She was unsure if the color on his high cheeks was also from whatever she was nursing him out of. “It’s not an important place. Just a rock on the edge of the galaxy.” 

“If I have learned anything it is that despite your most confident beliefs, things will still surprise you. So forgive me for not believing what you say.” Hux had relaxed since the conversation began, now sure, despite what he just said, that she was no Republic spy sent to kill him. “I have the distinct feeling that your rock is a very interesting place. Besides, why else we would have pushed for bringing you into the fold so soon?”

"Securing the planet would ensure that the Republic couldn’t encroach upon the First Order’s fledgling territory by skirting the edge of the galaxy.” Aneirin softly apologized for speaking out of turn, even though it was just a conversation of peers and not an officer with an inferior. 

“Your isolationism in this age is also certainly a mystery. However could you manage it? I’m sure the officers in charge of that mission were expecting to be shot out of the air.” Hux grinned at the cocky look on her face. It was a rare sight.

“I’m afraid I’m sworn to secrecy, Mister Spy.”

“You’re quite the formidable opponent to have foiled me so expertly.” He uncrossed his legs so that he could go back to lying down and he watched as she made him another cup of tea. 

“If you want your failure to stay a secret then you best be getting better.” From the corner of her eyes she saw him salute lazily. 

“Affirmative, Doctor’s orders.”

On the first day of their fifth year, Hux handed her a small plain-black box when they met in the stairway and inside was a silver hair clip not unlike the one she used to keep her hair in its trademark bun. She made sure she didn’t use it every day, outwardly admitting that it was to keep something so fine from wearing out, but in reality it was so she didn’t seemed obsessed with keeping something he’d given her on her person at all times. 


	4. Énouement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I created a playlist [link to my Tumblr post about it [here](https://tituswritingblog.tumblr.com/post/176301019633/love-beyond-the-stars-death-by-a-thousand-cuts), that includes YouTube and Spotify links] for the second-to-last scene, I hope you enjoy it.

_Énouement - n. The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self._

* * *

**There was a flurry of activity in the clinic** at the start of the fifth year, the Academy having changed its policy from requiring first year cadets to have physicals be performed before arrival. This meant the medical students were working furiously to get them all done the first week and Aneirin was no exception. She sat in her assigned exam room waiting for her next patient and a tall young man with neatly cut black hair walked in. She smiled and greeted him, Cadet Dopheld Mitaka seemed slightly surprised but shy and polite. As she worked they talked and she found him to be particularly sharp if just a bit quiet and reserved. 

_‘That is what great officers do.’_

Never before had she cared about more than someone’s health, but for this young man he would be her first step to being an actual officer. “Dopheld, if you have the chance, I think it would be… advantageous for you to get to know Cadet Hux.”

“Why is that, Doctor?” Dark brown eyes looked up from cheeks slightly pink from the embarrassment of undressing in front of her. Aneirin laughed as she prepared for her next exam. 

“I’m not a doctor quite yet. I know him, we’re in the same year, and I think he would be a perfect mentor for you. Tell him that Cadet Reader sent you. He can be… prickly.” They exchanged a few more words of pleasantries before he went on his way and she continued her day. She would smile and wave when she saw him in the hallways or mess hall and he informed her that he had found Cadet Hux to be most helpful. When she ran into the redhead again he would give her an admiring look, having been pleased by her decision to essentially make him a leader, a source of inspiration and guidance. 

* * *

An assembly was called to host a talk by a retired officer of the Galactic Empire and Aneirin managed to grab a seat in the sparse last row, planning on not paying attention at all. She wasn’t interested in war or strategy and the Empire had fallen, though she figured there were mistakes to be learned from that. Another student took the seat right next to her despite there being plenty to leave space in between, but with the press of a long uniformed leg on her own, she knew it was Cadet Hux. She leaned towards him in order to whisper, their shoulders touching and his head brushed against hers as he leaned in as well. “I thought you’d want to listen to this.” 

“I’ve read everything there is on this man, I have nothing left to learn and he isn’t exactly a hero or inspiration of mine.” She couldn’t deny that his voice pitched low made her ears tingle and the hair on the back of her neck stand up on end. They listened halfheartedly and when the retired captain made some comment that made the young man beside her snort, she heard his voice in her ear again, this time with a tone meant to poorly mimic their speaker. “In the my day, when the Empire wasn’t burned down by a scruffy resistance, we were actually respected.”

Aneirin giggled softly and she picks up his tone. “Back in my day, we had to maneuver Star destroyers through an asteroid field both ways on manual to blow up a Resistance base.” 

She turned to see his reaction in the dim light, only to find their faces millimeters apart. He was so close she could smell his hot breath, felt the heat of his skin on her lips, and so she turned her head back to the front before she could make a bad decision. His fingers lightly found their way to her hand and she could have sworn her heart stopped to feel him squeeze. Needless to say, she didn’t remember anything said in the assembly except their exchange of jokes.

* * *

The cadets held quite a few parties throughout the year. They weren’t exactly the parties Aneirin was used to, but there didn’t seem to be a better word for them. It was more an excuse to get drunk and sometimes fight each other, blow off steam, shed their rigid skins for a few hours. She always had parties for fun, celebrating, a time to be together with family and friends. There would be no cake her mother baked, no friendly game of cards or contests of strength and skill, so she generally kept away from them. The day after the year ahead of her graduated and shipped out to their assignments, there was a particularly raucous gathering in the mess hall, fueled by the leftover liquor from the graduation party. Weaving through the crowd she hoped to grab food from the kitchen and sneak up to her room without being noticed. 

“What do you think you’re up to?” The dark voice startled her, but she turned towards it all the same. It didn’t exactly surprise her that Cadet Hux would attend these things, he would fit right in with a cigarette between his lips and a drink in his hand. He’d sit like a disinterested prince, watch with bored eyes and pull some beautiful woman into his lap like a spider catching a fly in its web. Certainly she wasn’t that fly. 

“I just wanted to get food and get out of here before someone decides to pick a fight with me.” He chuckled at her response, the sound sending a shiver down her spine, and he downed the rest of his drink in one swallow, putting the glass down on his table with a little more force than necessary. He stalked over to her on his long legs, looking down at her like a wolf its next meal, the bottle of liquor he was drinking from in one hand. 

“Mind if I join you?” Her initial reaction was to say yes, she wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to spend time with him. She grabbed food for the both of them and he followed her up to her room, alcohol heat radiating off of him. In her room she sat at her desk, leaving him to either stand or sit on her bed, and he chose to pour her a drink before falling onto her mattress, drinking straight from the bottle. When she wasn’t paying attention he became distracted by her pillow, holding it under his nose to smell. He didn’t bother making it look like he’d been doing something else, he was too drunk, both on liquor and her presence, to care. “I would like nothing more than to…”

Aneirin felt like time was standing still, her heart in her chest was frozen in anticipation, her body ready to fall off of a cliff into oblivion. His pause was torture, the flicker of his green eyes under golden lashes the only sign that he was still conscious. He looked up at her and her breath caught in her throat. “I would like nothing more than to serve with you one day.” 

It hadn’t exactly been what she was hoping to hear, but it was close. She figured that was the highest order of endearment for Cadet Hux; to be good enough to be worthy of working with him or possibly being so important that he would be honored to work with them. In essence, in some way, for whatever reason, she was worthy of his time, his efforts. Her voice was quiet as she spoke, “I as well.” 

They ate in silence and he fell asleep in her bed. She relieved him of his boots, poured a large glass of water and placed it along with a painkiller on her nightstand, put her wastebasket near his head on the floor, and crawled into bed behind him in case he was too hungover in the morning. Somehow he’d woken up and left her room without rousing her, because in the morning he, the water, and painkiller were gone. 

* * *

Aneirin enjoyed the grass and sunshine, when the weather cooperated. She liked to imagine she was a flower in a field; soaking up the precious stellar light, turning it into nutrients, feeding insects and animals, enriching the earth. It was a simple existence, the complete opposite of her own, but its purpose she considered similar, to make the world better. To do so, she had to sit in the sun, her body processing it into much-needed vitamins to efficiently absorb other nutrients. Also, staring at the clouds, watching their white puffy forms slide across the pale blue backdrop of the sky, relaxed her and a relaxed body made a happy body. 

Of course, not everyone saw lying in the grass as a normal activity. The sound of booted feet pounding the ground rhythmically, green blades hissing as they were rubbed and crushed, took her attention away from a cloud that she was starting to think looked particularly interesting. The flushed face of a certain redhead blocked out the sun like an eclipse. “Are you okay, Reader?” 

“Of course. I’m just enjoying some quiet sunshine. It’s good for you, you know. Besides, I work better when I’ve had some relaxing.” She smiled up at him and if he wasn’t already red from exertion she might’ve seen a blush creep onto his pale cheeks. A few beats passed as Cadet Hux thought about her words and when he’d fully comprehended he laid down next to her, probably a little closer than he intended as their shoulders brushed before he inched away. So they laid in silence for quite some time and she didn’t mind. It was the last year of Academy and there wouldn’t be many more opportunities for her to soak in his presence before they received their assignments. 

It occurred to Aneirin that she’d never truly seen him do something as simple as lie down to relax. She turned to tease him about it. “How does it feel to-” 

She found herself face-to-face with his green eyes and her words died on her tongue. Normally they were intense, like they were trying to dissect every minute detail of the world around him, but here they were soft, almost sad. She swallowed a lump in her throat and she considered moving closer to him. It would only hurt more when they would have to say goodbye. His voice shook her from her thoughts. “I should’ve done this a long time ago.” 

She nodded and they both went back to looking up at the sky. If only she could go back and tell her old self to not be so slow and insecure. If only there was more time.

* * *

The day before graduation was a hectic one. Today everyone was running around making themselves look their best, except for Aneirin. Several girls on her floor had offered to do her hair, give her a makeover, or let her borrow some clothes, but she had to find several ways to politely decline. They all gave her pouting faces and tried guilting her into it, saying things like ‘don’t you have someone special you want to impress?’ or ‘we finally get to wear something other than that horrid uniform, why wouldn’t you want to go all-out?’ She just smiled and thanked them for the offer again, walking away to go pack up her room. 

For hours she caught glimpses of girls mid-transformation, looking like the images advertising beauty products on store-fronts in town, until finally they were glittering and glowing like holo-stars. She was halfway to the floor’s bathroom when everyone came out in groups to get in the turbolift and go down to the events hall. One girl caught sight of her, redressed in a clean uniform with her hair pulled back into its tight vertical bun at the back of the head, and dragged her companion by the arm over to the newly-minted doctor.

“You can’t possibly be going looking like that!” She exclaimed, her friend nodding in agreement. 

Aneirin looked down at her clothes to check them for crumbs or hairs stuck on. “Why not?” 

The girls looked like they’d been slapped on their painted faces. She hardly recognized them as the two who shared a table with her in her last anatomy lab. 

“You wear that every day! You didn’t even change your hair.” The friend reached out and tried to pull at her hair with freshly manicured fingers, but Aneirin took a step back out of her reach. She pointed at her uniform boots, polished to mirror-shine. “Don’t you own any heels?”

“No, these are my only shoes besides my runners.” She started feeling a tightness in her chest and it creeped up into her throat to eventually choke the words out of her. It was the feeling she got as a child when the summering nobles’ children would make fun of her for wearing pants with the holes in them and shoes that were losing the soles. Shame. Isolation. She remembered the names they called her. Weirdo. Trash. Barbaric. She never told them that she liked the pants with the holes in them and that she wore those disintegrating shoes to play to keep the pair of leather boots her father saved up to buy nice and clean.

“Fashion isn’t very important where you’re from, is it? I guess that’s what happens when you’re from the less sophisticated planets.” The two girls laughed, which she found nothing about the situation funny, and tottered off to the turbolifts on their thin heels. Aneirin considered keeping to her room, what did the graduation gala really prove? By the time she was done brushing her teeth and washing her face, she decided she’d at least go down long enough to eat dinner and then come back to go to bed before the sound of everyone’s aftermath would keep her awake. Everyone who was going had already made it, so she rode the lift by herself in silence.

In the hall she could hear the faint sound of music deafened by the roar of hundreds of people talking over one another. Seeing not only the girls in their slinky dresses that cost more credits than she’d seen in one place but also the boys in their crisp black tuxes with the black bow-ties made her lose her appetite. She was about to turn on her heel and go to her room, when a colleague from surgery lecture came up to her with a red flower poked into the button hole of his lapel. He had a humored smile on his face as he greeted her and looked over her appearance. Aneirin’s heart sank again and she could predict how her night was going to go.

“Where’s your dress? You look like you’re expecting this to be another exam. It’s a party!”

“I don’t have a dress.” He looked shocked, it was probably feigned.

“Why not? You’d look amazing in one, you’ve got a narrow waist. With some heels you’d look like you had some nice long legs!” He placed a finger across his lips in contemplation while her skin crawled under his calculating gaze. “I bet your color would be blue. No, red. No… maybe one of those little black things. We need some other opinions.”

Aneirin didn’t get a chance to argue before he took her elbow and guided her over to his group of friends standing around in a circle with champagne in their hands. When they all looked up they erupted in laughter. Her blood ran cold but a fire was starting to catch in her heart. ‘Relax,’ she reminded herself, ‘you could be working together in a few days.’ They all started talking amongst themselves without regard for her presence.

“What happened, did you get blood all over yourself in some emergency appendectomy we didn’t know about?”

“No, listen to this, she doesn’t even own a dress.”

“Surely that’s a joke.”

“Nope. I heard from Norma earlier that she doesn’t even own a pair of shoes that weren’t issued to her.”

“I’d throw myself off the bell tower if I thought I had to show up to this gala in my uniform. What a tragedy!”

“Hey, now, let’s remember that not everyone has the credits for nice things.”

“I didn’t think a simple piece of cloth could be beyond someone’s budget. Excuse the thought but even, dare I say, second-hand clothes are better than—“ Not only did the fire inside her finally ignite, it was burning the whole place down.

“Who cares about what I wear or how I have my hair!” Their eyes went wide, suddenly aware that she was even able to speak. “You pompous mediocre windbags don’t know your asses from holes in the ground. I bet you think an auger is some exotic animal.”

“It’s not?” They all looked between each other, seeing if anyone was more knowledgeable. One spoke up, “I think it’s a flightless bird.”

“It’s fer diggin holes, ya witless shitbirds! Learn some fuckin humility before some big cock decides to beat it into ya.” She was pretty sure they were trying to parse her harsh language while she snatched two champagne flutes from the nearby serving table and poured both of them down the back of her throat at the same time.

“I’m not entirely sure what that all meant, but I think it was an insult.”

“Aye, ya got that right you specky wankstain. I’d tell ya to go ta hell, but I never wanna see ya again.” Some choice words were shouted at her back as she stomped her way back out of the hall, radiating anger like a furnace. In her room she unpacked enough things to grab the ancient music player and took it up to the roof. There she turned the volume all the way up and listened to her favorite music in an attempt to calm down. Her anger would flare back up, she’d kick the concrete retaining wall and curse at the top of her lungs. She was dancing in place, staring out over the Academy grounds, when she smelled tobacco smoke. Assuming it was wafting up from the ground floor, she ignored it. A hand gently brushed her shoulder, making her jump.

“Quite the night.” Green eyes glowed with the embers at the end of his cigarette as he inhaled. Shame overtook her again and she was unable to meet his gaze, so she busied herself with turning off the stereo. “Haven’t heard anyone talk like that since we got droids instead of servants.”

For the first time she was pissed at the red-headed cadet. Aneirin felt her hand curl into a fist. “Yeah, tell me how fuckin much better you were than them and then tell me I’m different. When will you people understand that not everyone wants to be like you?”

“My father treated me like I was staff. Cooked my own meals, fetched his drinks.” She considered jumping off the roof again, though this time it was out of pure embarrassment. He flicked the used up stub of his cigarette onto the ground and crushed it under his foot. He turned her to face him and took her hand in his, the other on her waist. “Dance with me.”

“I don’t dance.”

“Everyone dances.”

“Everyone doesn’t dance like this.” She lifted their clasped hands in reference to the obvious classical style that was used at every gala. She’d seen at the previous galas dresses twirl around as people moved in precise circles with gliding steps. “This is for people who don’t get dirty when they work.”

“And people who don’t swear like Outer Rim raiders.” Hux took her unoccupied hand and placed it on his shoulder, pulling her a little closer when he cupped her waist again. She could feel his warmth from just inches away. “I’ll teach you. Like our time in the lake.” 

She tried her best. He counted out beats and let her watch her feet but even then she still stepped on his toes. When she did she could feel his hand squeeze hers, probably to quell some annoyance. He tried to help her shift her weight, but it only makes her briefly lose balance, forcing her to brace herself against his chest. Eventually she steps away, frustrated and embarrassed after knocking herself into him for the 30th time. When she tries to slip her hand out of his, he keeps it there. “I can’t do it.”

He stared into her eyes, his delicate cheekbones softened and his pale skin glowing by the moonlight. A small smile plays at the corners of his mouth and his words are like a whisper on the wind. “Then show me how you dance.”

Aneirin could feel a blush creep upon her cheeks. He released her hand so she could move to her little device and pick a series of slow songs. She was thankful they were in her native language so he wouldn’t understand that they were love songs, both happy and sad. In the end both of his hands were on her hips while her hands cradled the back of his neck, both swaying together like two reeds in the breeze to the tempo of the music. His green eyes alternated holding her gaze and tracing the lines of her face. She was not sure how long they stayed like this, maybe an hour, but his arms eventually found their way wrapped around her lower back and kept her from realizing how tired she was becoming. Eventually they had to part and she felt her heart ache, her hands hesitating on his neck to feel the quick pace of his heartbeat under the skin.

She knew it was late by the way the moon hung in the sky, so she packed up the few things she had brought with her. Hux lit another one of his thin black cigarettes and leaned against the wall, looking out over the serene forest. Not wanting to disturb him, she started to leave without saying another word, but he called out her name softly. He was giving her a very intense look when she turned back towards him. “You don’t need to look like them. You’ll never be them. You’re better than them. That’s why I only danced with you.”

Her ears burned and she whispered a small ‘thank you’ before rushing off back to her dorm room. She couldn’t sleep the entire night, her heart racing as she replayed the night over and over again. The jacket of her uniform still smelled faintly of him and she buried her face in it hoping to imprint the scent into memory.

* * *

It was graduation day and Aneirin was standing with her fellow newly-fledged doctors in the auditorium, listening to Commodore Hux give his customary speech. She had a hard time finding a particular someone with the cadets’ heads covered in the officer caps, obscuring the beacon of red. It would be heartbreaking to never see him again, torn apart by separate assignments, but it still would’ve gladdened her heart to see his green eyes staring back at her, maybe a little secret smile on his lips. Now she would probably never see him again.

The speeches were over and the applause was replaced with the chatter of the fresh officers talking amongst themselves as they milled out into the front hall. They would of course receive official orders, but it was tradition that all of the post assignments were listed on a scrolling screen. Close friends and lovers were lamenting over mismatched positions and congratulations were being handed out for those who received the best orders. She saw the name of her post, the attack carrier the _Fury_ , and began searching the names for anyone she’d be shipping out with. Aneirin was the only medical officer, but there were a few names she didn’t recognize from the officers and pilots. She resigned herself to being no one again when she caught sight of one more name: Lieutenant Armitage Hux.

From across the great hall it was like fate when they locked eyes.


	5. Adronitis

_Adronitis - n. The frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone._

* * *

**The attack carrier _Fury_** was docking as Lieutenant Reader stood next to the five other officers and ten technicians in the loading bay. She felt out of place in her medical officer’s uniform, the small rank insignia on her lapels polished to blinding brilliance. The technicians were joking with each other and the four new pilots were making grandiose predictions for their budding fighter careers. Only Lieutenant Hux and her were standing at parade rest while they waited. A nervous sweat was trickling down her back and she shifted her toes in their standard-issue boots. Captain Williams came out ahead of the loading crew and surveyed the little group with a critical eye.

“I can see already who the best in their class were.” This brought the distracted pilots and technicians back to a rigid parade rest. In the end she hadn’t exactly been the highest in her year, only number 3, but it had earned her a good position for a fledgling medical officer. Carriers were on the front-lines and thus medically intensive, perfect for making or breaking a good rookie. Hux had of course placed highest overall in his command track, the pilots were in the top 15% and she knew nothing about the support staff being brought aboard. At least she was off to a good start.

“This is a carrier, gentlemen. We may not be giving the big orders, but we are making the big hits. Academy was the frying pan, a carrier is the fire. You may think you belong on one of those big battlecruisers or star destroyers, but a carrier is the true test of a soldier.” He looked at them all in turn, giving Hux and Aneirin a lasting gaze. “Alright, boys, you have permission to come aboard. We leave in 4 standard hours.”

The captain stayed in the loading bay, watching them all as they picked up their personal bags and made their way to the airlock. Four protocol droids greet them on the other side and they were broken off into groups to be led to their respective quarters. She shifted her bags, wishing she hadn’t been the only doctor. The droid didn’t attempt chit-chat as she follow it through the narrow halls. Carriers served one main purpose: having as many fighters that could fit in one ship. The only other areas of importance were the med-bay and the repair shop. The quarters would be cramped, meals would be bare-minimum for good fighting condition, and there would be little accommodation. There were so few personnel that every medical officer and medical support unit were on call around the clock, so the med-bay staff’s quarters were built into the med-bay wing.

The ship was docked but as soon as Aneirin had deposited her things in her bunk she was immediately guided around the med-bay. The information system was standard-issue and every piece of equipment was exactly like the ones at the Academy. Her superior officer, Doctor Takamura, kept their conversations professional and devoid of compassion. They wouldn’t have time to be kind to each other when they’d be elbow-deep in wounded pilots for hours on end. She could barely smell the faint scent of alcohol on his breath masked under mint and found that she could identify the other doctors just by their choice of substance and method of disguising it. The nurses and orderlies were cold to her, quite unlike the staff at the Academy.

She was given access to the medical system and told to go memorize the files of 5 crewmen before she’d report back after the _Fury_ finished its hyperspace jump back to the front line. She started flicking through the files in alphabetical order, flagging ones with special conditions or the highest-ranking officers such as Doctor Takamura and Captain Williams. The lieutenant had briefly seen some of the records for Armitage Hux when she’d been at the Academy, but most information not taken in the Academy infirmary was sealed to anyone but the doctors. She expected to see a tidy file of only yearly examinations and growth charts, but it would have been as thick as her arm if it’d been printed on paper.

She was surprised to read he was an apparently sickly child; he had trouble gaining weight, bruised easily, had broken his share of bones, and was prone to infections. He was considered quiet and obedient, but an overall ‘worthless’ child. His mother’s name was unrecorded with no family history for her, which she found strange given Aneirin had met Cecilia her first day on Arkanis. She wasn’t dumb, she’d seen signs of abuse in the other villages and cities back home, and given the man’s penchant for cruelty at Academy, she had no doubt Brendol Hux used his rank and status to cover up hitting little Armitage. It made her heart ache. Even though she had his file memorized she didn’t include it in her mandatory five: there was no reason to memorize a fresh Lieutenant when there were pilots with blood disorders and a captain with a heart condition. Doctor Takamura was impressed that she actually passed his test.

* * *

She was checking the integrity of the ship’s medical supplies when she was summoned to exam room two. Her stomach flipped when she opened the datapad form to see Lieutenant Hux’s name at the top. She smoothed her white lab coat before giving a polite knock and entered the room with a bright smile on her face. “Lieutenant, what can I do for you?”

“I’ve had a headache for the past three days.” Aneirin could see the dark circles under his eyes and how dry his skin was. She could smell strong coffee on his breath as she felt his glands for swelling and noted the new way he styled his hair. She didn’t like it, it was too rigid and it changed the color of his beautiful hair. 

“I’d say you’re not sleeping enough and dehydrated. Drink less caf, find some way to get some rest, even if you have to learn to sleep standing with your eyes open.” The other doctors didn’t appreciate her attempts at humor, but a select few crewmen had started to request her just because she related to them. Sometimes humor was the best medicine; all they needed was a more positive energy. This explanation had been scoffed at but in the end it worked. 

“You don’t look so good yourself.” His green eyes were scanning her face, most likely recognizing the same signs of sleep deprivation and ruined eating habits. She had resigned herself to maintaining a purely professional relationship with him, but he was the first person to show concern for her. She was probably the first one to tell him to take better care of himself.

“Pilots and technicians seem to forget that they may be able to fix a TIE but they can’t fix themselves.” Aneirin finished up her report and submitted it to his file. The Lieutenant looked like he wanted to say something but a page on the intercom called for all available medical personnel. With a bright smile she said goodbye and rush out of the room towards the emergency. The distant fire-fight returned three gravely injured pilots and a few technicians who had suffered heavy burns trying to remove a fourth pilot from his cockpit.

There wasn’t much time to make friends on the carrier, the medical team was almost always doing something, but there were little moments where Lieutenant Reader could build an understanding of the other personalities and strengths. She found out she was the odd duck in the group as the only ‘common person’ and she had a sense of humor unique to the group that fell flat most days. Eventually she learned to hold back anything that wasn’t entirely relevant to the matter at hand, even though she was trying to raise her colleagues’ spirits. Doctor Takamura was a phenomenal surgeon, a must on a fleet carrier of this size, while his second officer was great at external medicine and specialized in burn treatment. Most of the other staff were good enough to go where they were needed and not so much contained to one field.

What truly made her the odd one out was her compassion, empathy, and bedside manner, a trait not really taught in Academy. She’d learned it from her mother, while she learned the stern, dead-eyed, shaming look that she gave crewmen neglecting their health from her father. Crewmen that came to her for check-ups and minor problems were more likely to improve their self-care and avoid the same mistakes. Pilots recovering in the beds assigned to her healed faster and had a better outlook while grounded, a rare thing in the daredevil fighters. After the first few months she found officers who’d previously avoided their yearly physicals and ignored minor problems were coming to her without much goading and left feeling satisfied with their visits. As the first female doctor since the last was transferred two years ago, the women on the ship felt more comfortable coming in as well. All because the first dozen crewmen forced upon her in the beginning spoke as if she was a miracle-worker.

The other doctors didn’t quite appreciate her ‘friendly and helpful’ presence in the med-bay, but it was unmistakable that morale and overall health had improved since Aneirin came aboard. Doctor Takamura gave her a commendation, although begrudgingly. While it was meant to be positive, kindness was not looked upon with esteem in the First Order. She had a healthy number of treated patients, practical skills mastered, and hours both standing and on-call before her first six months aboard the _Fury_ was over.

But her impressive resume and continued hard work on the demanding ship didn’t save her from taking her meals alone and it didn’t mean she’d be included in the occasional med-bay card tournament. She knew they were happening but she also knew one could only be invited to join. It was always a ‘coincidence’ that she was to be the one on-duty when the games were scheduled. At first it hurt her feelings, but she adapted like she always did and took the solitude as time for reflection and continuing her studies.

On rare nights a stray technician or old pilot patient would share a few words with her over dinner, but she was sure they didn’t remember her name. She didn’t let them know that she’d memorized their medical files- well, the important parts. She learned that people were very guarded about how much others knew about something as intimate as their bodies. But that’s all they were, bodies, except for one officer aboard.

* * *

The ship was a frequent target for rebel bombings; if they were able to disable a carrier then they would avoid strikes for a good amount of time while repairs were made. Unfortunately this meant that pilots weren’t the only ones expected to be injured and she treated her fair share of officers coming in with burns and shrapnel wounds. Aneirin reported to the bridge on swift feet after an alarm was called and she immediately came to the side of a certain Lieutenant who was trying to get himself to his feet. With a gentle push Hux was forced to stay on the deck plates while she assessed his injuries; a wounded leg and possibly an abdominal wound was the worst of it, some minor scrapes on his arm where he’d protected his face was the rest of it. He’d twisted his ankle in the fall, so she gave him a painkiller, helped him to his feet, and helped him walk to the medbay with her arm wrapped around his waist and one of his gripping her shoulders for balance. 

With the proper lighting and layers of clothing gone she found his side only bruised and a decent cut to his thigh. She hummed a light tune as she sutured his wound, set his ankle to avoid further damage, and cleaned up his scrapes. Hux watched her with rapt attention, wincing when the pain was worse than the painkillers could manage, and staring into her eyes as she worked on his face. A relieved sigh escaped his lips when she retrieved a canister of her modified healing cream and carefully rubbed it into his side. “On my planet we don’t have bacta, especially not where I grew up, so we had to make do with what we could make.”

When she looked up she could’ve sworn he’d drifted to sleep, but his eyes fluttered open. He appeared to struggle to not smile at her. “You’re very resourceful.”

Aneirin found a bag and threw in the canister and a few bacta-bandages to give to him. “You know the drill by now. I’d tell you to stay safe, but you don’t exactly have any control over that.”

“I’d tell you the same. I would hate to lose you.” A blush heated her cheeks and he chuckled lightly under his breath. “It would be a shame to lose such a good medical officer.”

“Yes, and it would be a shame to lose such a good commander.” She didn’t actually have any experience being his subordinate, technically they were equals or she possibly even outranked him given a medical officer’s ability to suspend duty, but she was confident he was good at what he did. It was his turn to blush and he was less reluctant to accept her help in getting up off the exam table than he was getting off the bridge floor. It was just a little bit harder for her to keep a smile and kind words off her lips as she helped others and cleaned up.

* * *

For such a small ship the two lieutenants didn’t run into each other often, so when they did she made the best of it. This time it had been in a turbolift as they both ascended to the officer’s berth, him going to his quarters and she to do a ‘house call’ on a higher-ranking officer who refused to go to the medbay if possible. Aneirin found it easiest to smile at him because she knew he was almost always receptive and happy to see her, even if ‘happy’ for Hux was almost outwardly indistinguishable from his normal behavior. “Hello, Ca- Lieutenant.”

He laughed and it was a lovely sound to her ears, almost like music. It wasn’t often that she heard someone laugh anymore. “Old habits, isn’t that right, Lieutenant?”

She would’ve nudged him with her elbow had the turbolift not lurched coming to a stop as the ship was shaken. Later she’d find out that the carrier had managed to detonate an old Imperial mine in an asteroid field and it would seem wrong how happy she was for it. Both off-center they fell to the floor, the taller lieutenant intentionally landing on top of the other, arms braced like some shield. Panic seized her heart as the turbolift shuddered again and leather-gloved hands came to create a small barrier around her head. His body lowered itself instinctively and so a pale nose pressed against her cheek, she felt warm breath on her face, and something brushed against her lips. Aneirin had no choice but to stay still until the turbolift resumed its ascent and her protector got up, helping her to her own feet. He hesitantly brushed out a wrinkle in her uniform sleeve. 

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” He only nodded in response and they went on their separate ways. 

* * *

Lieutenant Reader had been having an especially rough start to her shift. It started shortly after she finished her first cup of coffee given to her by the exiting physician. Whatever she was carrying would randomly drop from her hands as if they’d lost cohesion for a moment and she’d find herself bump into objects over and over again. It was reaching sick-leave proportions when she got a notification that Lieutenant Hux was waiting for his yearly physical in exam room five. She thought about asking him to reschedule as she tottered her way down the cramped hallway.

She leaned a little too heavily on the door as it opened and her forceful closing thrust earned her a strange look. She was preparing his form, hand braced against the counter to keep herself steady, while he removed his clothes without prompting. It would’ve seemed weird, considering the protocol she was used to from Academy, but she knew that several of the other doctors had patients undress at the start of their exams claiming it saved time. She turned to look him over quickly before looking down at her pad to start her exam.

It wasn’t in her hand.

How did it get on the ground?

Why was it in a million pieces?

Oh, there goes the scanner too. Curious.

She looked up into Hux’s worried green eyes and she tried to say something to him, but it was a garbled mess. Her vision began to grey and fade at the edges but she watched, as if trapped in her body, as he caught her before she could fall completely to the floor. He tried to get an answer out of her but all she could think about was how soft his skin was against her face and the feeling of her arm brushing against the warmth of his bare thighs. She heard his panic and she wanted to tell him she was alright, but she most definitely was not. What little strength and consciousness she had left was used up pressing her pale face into a freckled chest.

Aneirin woke up in pain in one of the familiar recovery beds. Doctor Takamura and his assistant were discussing whatever was on their pads and gave her quick glances. Her throat was dry and her limbs felt heavy, a massive headache has her trying to block out the med-bay lights. It took her a few days to recover fully, earning her some scorn from the other doctors having to make up for the absence.

The day she was ready to leave the bed and return to duty, Captain Williams showed up just as she was putting on her lab coat. In tow were Lieutenant Hux and the man she recognized as chief of ship security; her heart started to race even though she knew she’d done nothing wrong. Doctor Takamura hadn’t even told her what had happened.

“Doctor, I would like a word with you.”

“Of course, Sir.” Aneirin started to get up from the bed to give him the proper respect but his firm hand on her shoulder guided her back down. Williams was one of the few patients she’d consider a ‘regular’ which had irked Takamura the first time she’d been requested over him.

“No need. Now, are you aware of why we’re here?”

“No, Sir, I assume this about my inability to stand duty for so long. I accept your punishment, Sir.”

“There’s no need for punishment, Doctor. You see, you were poisoned. Doctor Tanner was the last recorded person to take out a certain neurotoxin from the medical storage, the one found in your blood. I came to inform you that-“

“I’m sorry sir, but if I was poisoned, Doctor Tanner didn’t do it.”

“And how is that?” The security chief spoke up for the first time, pride on the line.

“Doctor Tanner relieves me under normal circumstances.” She turned her attention to Captain Williams, but only so she could see Hux’s face peek out behind him. Her brows furrowed in concentration. “I developed unusual symptoms after I had a cup of coffee given to me by Doctor Simmons, the officer I relieved. I had trouble with motor function and balance.”

Captain Williams gave his security chief a wry glance before turning back to her. “Are you suggesting there was a conspiracy to poison you?”

“Sir, I only now learned that I was poisoned at all.” The security chief stomped off with one last telling look from the captain.

“Until we can transport them for court martial, I’ve assigned the Lieutenant here to keep an eye on you. You were in Academy together, I suppose it would do for you to have at least one person on your side in this wing.” Williams bid her a good day and left Hux standing by her bed. Aneirin got up without another word and went to her small quarters to finish getting ready for duty in a few hours. A new datapad was waiting for her on crisp sheets and she sat on the only surface in the closet called a room to make sure it was properly connected. Her shadow stood at parade rest in front of the door, looking towards his boots. She moved over to give him space to sit down next to her and he took it.

“Thank you.” He simply nodded, hesitating slightly. 

She put the datapad down beside her and wrung her hands together. She tried her best to choke down the small sobs bubbling from her chest but she could hear the small cough echo in the tiny space. His hand clasped one shoulder, thumb brushing gently against the fabric of her coat. She leaned into this small embrace, head resting on his own shoulder. “I didn’t do anything to deserve this.”

“You did. You were better than them.” At the time she didn’t really understand, but when she later looked up into his downturned face during dinner, it occurred to her; he was picked on at the Academy because he was better than those other boys and his father hated him because Hux would be more than Brendol could ever hope to be. She was better because she didn’t care about being seen as weak for something that made one stronger. She wasn’t a fighter, so Cadet and Lieutenant Armitage Hux fought for her. Did this mean he considered her an equal? His empathetic counterpart?

Aneirin looked around at the other faces in the dining hall. It wasn’t like the friendly chatter of the Academy; everyone there was guarding themselves against everyone else. Everyone there was a threat as much as a compatriot. Even she, the mild-mannered, small young woman from the backwater of a backwater planet in a backwater system, was a threat.

Except to him.

* * *

So, for a full standard month Lieutenant Hux was by her side or nearby at every waking moment. He was there when she arrived at the cafeteria first thing in the morning and they parted ways after their last meal. They spent every meal together but in silence; usually she was checking up on her schedule and file updates while he read whatever reports he’d been responsible for before being assigned to this task. Talking would’ve been nice, but she was happy just to have someone around.

With two doctors in detention, her workload was a constant weight on her shoulders. The doctors and nurses refused to speak more words to her than absolutely necessary and she accepted the huge piles of work dropped in her lap with no complaint. She had to cut her sleep down to 3 hours from the customary 6 she was getting after dinner. Aneirin rushed through lunch, which made her stomach hurt, but it gave her 20 extra minutes to do some filing, get in another patient exam, or sterilize some equipment. Sometimes the only thing that would reminded her to eat was hearing the lieutenant’s stomach growl. She started eating less to have even more time to catch up on work, drank so much coffee that some nights she snuck back out of quarters to take inventory or do patient rounds to give the other doctors a rest.

She was running herself into the ground and the only person who said anything was Hux. Her plate was cleared and she was ready to put it away, but he slipped a mostly-full plate on top of it as he sat down across from her. She’d eaten only a piece of toast with synthetic butter on it, barely a meal worthy of breakfast before a day of rushing around and critical thinking. He spoke as she started picking at it. “You should take better care of yourself.”

“I still remember a certain someone coming to me about a headache that was dehydration and insomnia.” He gave a dry laugh around a bite of food.

“Doctor, you can’t tell me you don’t have a constant headache. You have an alarm set for when you can take another dose of painkillers. You start rubbing your temples 30 minutes before it goes off.” It was her turn to laugh.

“I just have a lot to do-“

“It’ll get done, but it’ll get done better if you’re not distracted by pain and tiredness.”

“Has following me around all this time made you a doctor instead of an officer? Maybe I should go be a lieutenant on the bridge.” It was supposed to be a joke, but her dwindling energy made it come out dry. He didn’t seem offended, he understood.

After her second cup of coffee, he started refilling the mug with water. Aneirin hadn’t realized how thirsty she was until the cold liquid hit her throat. He dragged her away from restocking the exam rooms when it was her normal lunch time, forcing her to eat a whole plate and take the entire thirty minutes. Hux had handed her the large syringe she had prepared while dealing with an injured pilot, causing the other man to laugh and say, “thanks, Nurse Lieutenant.” She didn’t try to be gentle when she sunk the needle into his abdomen. She gave him a dry and sarcastic ‘apologies’ when he howled in pain. She thought she caught Hux smirk in the reflection off a dome lamp.

In the storage room there were a few shelves with rarely-used things and those shelves were well above her head. Aneirin scrounged around for a ladder of some sort but came up empty-handed. Without a word the lieutenant, ever present save for when she was sleeping, grabbed her by the legs, his shoulder propping up her behind, and lifted her up gently. She could feel the wobble of his body trying to keep her weight aloft so she grabbed the supplies as quickly as she safely could. As he lowered her back down, his grip slipped, and fearing that she might hurt something in the fall, he squeezed her tightly against his chest. Thankfully the objects weren’t breakable, so she let them fall to lessen the burden, and found her back perfectly pressed against his torso, his face in her hair. Gently he let her down and she scooped up her supplies. Both of their faces were red when they turned to each other and they gave themselves a minute to return to normal, her eyes watching as he picked her hair off his uniform and smoothed the wrinkles.

Her guardian angel had allowed her to stay an extra hour after her shift was supposed to end; she argued that stopping a calibration of the surgery theater’s system in the middle of it would render the previous hour of work useless. When it was finally done he was giving her that withering ‘I’m in charge here’ look superior officers gave. He practically pushed her out the door and down the hall to have dinner.

She was getting ready to part ways when he gave her that look again. His tone was firm but not unkind. “You’ll sleep the full six hours, Doctor.”

“I don’t think you’re my superior officer, Lieutenant.” She’s sure he knows the hierarchy of not just this ship but all of the First Order fleet and army. It was just one of those things the elite came out of the womb understanding. In a manner of speaking, they were of equal rank. If this was an order given in battle, she would have to defer to him, but health was her small domain of power.

“Then think of it as a strong encouragement.” He smirked and turned on his heel towards the officers’ quarters.

* * *

She would’ve taken those full six hours, but she wasn’t given the chance. Not one hour after first lying her head down on the too-thin pillow the battle alert sounded. In a rush she put on her uniform and ran to the med-bay entrance to await casualties. She was just outside the door when the carrier lurched, smacking her hard into the plasteel wall. Through shudders and yaws she managed to assemble with her colleagues without much more damage to herself, but the carrier was not much better off.

Injured came in from all over the ship. She didn’t have time to figure out what was happening, they were losing crewmen left and right. Inside she knew that they had less than a coin-flip chance at surviving, but it still hurt to lose patients. When they started getting bridge crew she began to panic, taking little reprieves to breathe and look around for red hair.

The shockwaves ended but bodies kept filtering in and out. After a half hour they start admitting the less grievously wounded. Concussions, broken bones, cuts and bruises, minor burns. Aneirin was about ready to collapse when she moved to her last admittance.

“Thank the stars!” She was a little more enthusiastic than she should let on. Her hand shook as she cleaned the cut on his cheek and checked him over for fractures. Her hand was touching his palm when he wrapped his fingers firmly around hers. Thankfully the privacy curtain had been put up, because he was staring into her eyes while his thumb rubbed circles to relieve the tension in her tired hands. She wanted to kiss him, to press her lips against those pink lips almost always pulled thin by a frown, but she heard her name over the intercom. He gave her hand one last squeeze before letting it go.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Doctor.” The Lieutenant was putting on his coat as she stepped out from the privacy curtain to answer her page, a healthy glow in her cheeks. She was still smiling a little as she entered Doctor Takamura’s office.

“I’m sorry to ruin whatever good spirit has possessed you, doctor, but I have some news.” He slid a sealed envelope to her side of the desk and didn’t wait for her to open it before he continued. “It has been decided that you are to be transferred to Station Gamma-Five. We were set to be docking in a month when we returned for scheduled resupply and repair time but with this evening’s ambush we will be arriving in a few days.” 

She was crestfallen as she read over her transfer notice and absorbed his words.

“You are actually quite bright, much to the chagrin of the staff, so I’m sure you know that this is because of how you fit into this crew.” He shifted in his chair, obviously weary from the last few hours.

“I’m going to tell you something, because I believe our kind thrives when we’re not constantly being torn down by our own dissatisfaction with our work. You are a good doctor, even if your personality doesn’t fit in the First Order. I admit fullheartedly that you get good results and not just because you were top of your class. Don’t think of this as a demotion or reprimand for what has happened on this ship. You are being sent to that station because it is a place you will do the best work. You will have civilian patients on top of the station’s crew and you will have colleagues who come from private practice, so they’ll appreciate your patient relationship skills. Your disembarking report will be glowing from both myself and Captain Williams.”

Takamura stood and outstretched his hand. She shook it and gave him a salute before going back out into the med-bay. After a quick check on all of the long-recovery patients, Lieutenant Reader went back to her quarters, screamed into her pillow, and cried herself to sleep. She woke up in a poor mood and to top it off, Lieutenant Hux was returned to his normal duties. 

* * *

A week had passed and the ship was due to dock an hour after her last shift would end. Aneirin didn’t tell anyone that she’d been transferred, so her last day was business as usual. She packed up her things during her lunch hour to be ready when she was done with the med-bay and had forgotten to eat. She was reminded of Hux’s insistence that she take better care of herself, but she figured station life would be more accommodating than the carrier.

It was getting close to her departure when she got one more notification on her pad. It was a reminder that a yearly physical had been renewed and scheduled shortly before her shift ended. One last thing to remember the ship by. She was preparing the form when she knocked and came into the room. Without looking up she closed the door behind her and moved to the counter to put on gloves and take out the necessary instruments. “Quite a time to be a technician, huh, crewman?”

“Wouldn’t know.” Aneirin froze. A warm presence was at her back and she could smell the standard issue soap mixed with that familiar tobacco musk. Long fingers traced lines on the back of one of her hands before interlacing into a gentle grip. When she turned around, hot tears were leaving trails down already red cheeks. Green eyes gave her a concerned look under golden lashes. 

“I won’t see you anymore.” He was silent and did not move, just watched her face. “I’ve been transferred. To the station we’re docking at.”

Whatever he’d planned this scheme for was done away with as he slowly pulled away from her to process her words. The moment he’d finally come to her, and had to leave and he would retreat back into his cold shell like at the Academy. In a last-moment thought she pulled the pen from her breast pocket and presented it to him. It was made from wood, bone and steel, polished to a shine and worn away just the right amount for her habitual grip. Etched into the steel band was a message from her parents in her native alphabet.

“I want you to have this. It means a lot to me, but I’d feel better if it went with you.” He hesitated to take it but eventually he turned it over in his delicate fingertips, examining the careful craftsmanship. “My parents had it made for me when I was accepted to the Academy. It was my good luck charm.”

They both stood in silence until the docking alert and her orders to the airlock were broadcasted on the intercom. Aneirin went to wipe away evidence of her tears but a pale thumb smoothed them away with a tender stroke. Lieutenant Hux went to the door but turned to her before he opened it; his face was a stone mask and his eyes were icy cold.

“Report to the airlock, Doctor.” His voice was harsh, but she finally understood this was for the benefit of them both that he shut down any idea of a personal relationship between them. She took a mental picture of her pen tucked precisely against his chest.

“You don’t have authority over me, Lieutenant Armitage Hux.” Without another word he left and she shortly followed to drop off the ship supplies still on her person and retrieve her bags. Captain Williams relieved her at the airlock door and the station’s head physician welcomed her aboard with a barely-suppressed smile. Her sadness was quelled only by her excitement at her first visit upon a space station.


	6. Nodus Tollens

_Nodus Tollens - n. The realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore._

* * *

**Station _Gamma-Five_ and the _Fury_ were like night and day,** it seemed. Civilian life aboard the resupply, trade, and repair hub made for an interesting stream of patients and plenty to do in the off hours. There was so little demand on the medical deck that Lieutenant Aneirin couldn’t even busy herself with cleaning and restocking; almost all menial tasks were performed by droid or support staff. After three days of detailing every piece of equipment, recalibrating testing instruments, checking the integrity of files and their backups, taking every unspecified call, and finding some way to still stay late, the station physician brought her into his office, thanked her for her diligence, and gave her the rest of the shift and the next day off to wander around the station.

She felt slightly lost without the furious work of her last assignment but when she realized that the _Fury_ was still docked the prospect of walking the station seemed much brighter. There became the possibility of running into Lieutenant Hux one last time. The chance was slim, he was probably running errands on the ship, being the perfect officer that he was, but she had some glimmer of hope.

Instead of a military cafeteria for personnel, First Order soldiers aboard the station were given free access to the local market containing traders, a grocery, pharmacy, and several food-vendors and small restaurants. Aneirin hadn’t realized how hungry she was until the smell wafted past her nose, but the first step of her journey was the tobacco trader. Ever since she’d come to the station and actually had access to her combat pay and mail service, she’d planned on sending gifts and credits back to her father. Practically no one in her village had left the planet, save the village elder and a young woman who married rich, so she wanted them to have a taste of space-living.

The shop was quiet compared to the ever-present hum of life behind every wall and she took her time considering what kind of new tobacco her father would like. A soft-spoken man with olive-skin came to give advice, clicking his tongue at the name of her father’s usual choice and laughing at her embarrassment. She was looking at the different pipes on display when the shop door whirred open and her gaze turned upwards. “He’ll have some Hosnian Royals.”

“Ah, friends are we? Is she right, Lieutenant?” The shopkeeper was reaching for the black-and-gold boxes among the shelves behind him when Hux gave a small affirmation and requested amount. He joined her at the counter and looked over the same selection of pipes.

“I was thinking of sending one to my dad. He’s always fixing his.” Nothing particularly strikes Aneirin as becoming of her father, but the old man had stubbornly made his pipe out of wood scraps before she was even born and was constantly gluing it back together. “I never thought it’d be so hard to buy something for a man with such simple tastes.”

“I’ve never had that problem.” He’d been still speaking to her in a disregarding tone but she knew that if he was really intent on ignoring her then he would’ve said nothing at all. His leather-gloved finger pressed lightly on the glass, pointing at a fine set made from silver and exotic wood, tastefully inlaid with a beautiful stone. She’d passed over the box because it seemed too ‘rich’ for her father the farmer, but the craftsmanship of the pipe, tobacco canister, and case was very striking. 

“I took you for a gold type of man,” she said without really thinking, earning her a scoff.

“Your father doesn’t strike me as a ‘gold type of man’.”

“My father’s kind of a spit-and-electrical type of man.” The comment has the shopkeeper trying to contain a fit of laughter. She gave the display case one more glance before deciding on Hux’s suggestion. Standing outside of the shop, bag in hand, she tried to formulate her next step.

“You’ll join me for tea and then I must return to the ship.” Aneirin struggled to keep up with his strides with her short legs, so she was thankful that they didn’t have far to go before he ducked into a mostly-empty bakery and tea house. She’d been starving the entire time and failed to keep from shoveling her lunch down her throat or burning her mouth when trying to drink the tea too soon. “Our brightest star.”

“I’m sorry?” She was halfway through a second large cup before he’d bothered to say anything; she’d almost expected him to not speak at all before parting once more. He touched the clip of her lucky pen tucked in his breast pocket gently, green eyes downcast to contemplate his empty mug. “Oh. I didn’t know you spoke my language.”

“I don’t.” He paused, his voice softened. “I apologize, I looked at your personnel record before you were officially removed from the ship system. I was curious to know what it said.”

“I have your medical record memorized. I’ll forgive you if you forgive me.”

“You performed my last five yearly exams, I’d expect you to know something about my health.” She saw the twitch of a suppressed smirk.

“No, your whole file. Every recorded medical document in the system.” She swallowed the emotional lump in her throat. “It hurt to read, your father deserves nothing better than—“

“I don’t need your sympathy, Doctor.” There it was again, that sharp and spiteful tone.

“I’m sorry, I just—“ He stood up suddenly, taking his parcel of cigarettes, and gave her a look that twisted the knife in her heart. She looked at her tea in shame, wishing to disappear.

“You deserve this station.”

Aneirin looked up into his eyes, hurt plastered all over her face and tears beginning to prickle. Lieutenant Hux was already in the promenade when she gathered the courage to run after him. Her boots landed like lead weights on the plasteel floors and the long strides made her legs tired, but she was able to catch up enough to take his free hand into hers. The look he gave her was not inviting.

“Please, let me explain.”

“No matter your excuse, it doesn’t change anything between us. Goodbye.” She managed to exert enough strength to keep him from walking away. People begin to stare but she was blind to them.

“I care about you. I know you care about me.” He scoffed, a sneer on his lips. He tried to free himself once more. “I can help. Just talk to me.”

“I can’t believe you’ve made it this far.” His words shocked her enough that he was able to wrench his hand out of hers. “What a disgrace to the First Order.”

“We need each other, we work great together.” He was unconvinced. She stared into his once-soft eyes as tears streamed from hers. “Don’t leave me in this manner…”

“There’s nothing you could say that would make me stay. You’re a liability.”

“You came to me, obviously wanting something between us, and now you don’t even want to be friends? Someday we might end up on the same assignment or we’d-“ She didn’t get to finish that thought, because he was gone into the crowd of the promenade. It was hard for her to keep a steady hand long enough to write a letter for her father that night to go with his gift.

* * *

The _Fury_ wouldn’t leave for another few weeks but Aneirin would never see or speak to him again. Instead of giving herself time to drag herself down over it, she spent her emotional energy sending mail back home and getting to know her colleagues on the medical deck. Doctor Takamura was right that there was a decent mix of Academy-trained and privately-trained physicians, surgeons, nurses, and support staff on the station. It was too early to tell but she was under the impression that the Academy-graduates regarded her with the respect due her record and the private-turned-military staff enjoyed her as a person. With people who could actually appreciate her kindness and sense of humor, her relationship with the more stern staff was undamaged by the difference in style.

The lieutenant was actually having lunch with a surgeon a few years older than her when a maildroid beeped at her feet. In it was a small package simply wrapped in brown paper, a note and a black jewelry box inside. She forgot to breathe as she opened the card, reading the delicate handwriting over and over even though it was not very long.

‘Make me proud.’

Carefully she lifted the top of the box. A pin. But not any pin; it was the ancient symbol of Corsairan healers and doctors. Made from rose-tinted gold and silver it was adorned by several gems that did not look cheap. On the backside she could barely read an inscription— ‘May this protect you when I cannot -A.H.’

“Wow, never seen anything like that before. You got a rich boyfriend back home you’re not telling me about?” The surgeon nudged her foot to get back her attention, leaning over to the table to look more closely at the gift. She at least had a rich guardian angel.

“No, I’m hopeless at love. This is from my village. Too bad there isn’t really a way to wear it.”

“Maybe on a ship you couldn’t, but Chief let’s us decorate our coats. It helped the private guys feel a little more comfortable in their uniforms. It’d be a shame to hide that away; it’d look great with all those obsolete pens you’re carrying around.” Without her lucky pen Aneirin had resorted to stuffing one of her plain steel ones into the lab coat pockets. Half the staff found them ridiculous and detested her handwritten notes while the other half were curious and asked her to write all kinds of things for them to gawk at in amazement. They’d come in handy a few times when a datapad would freeze up or the system would shut down and she felt a sense of pride when she started seeing the little clips interrupting the lines of lab coat pockets.

She took this opportunity to put the white coat back on, stood in front of a mirror-shined wall-plate, and found just the right place for the pin. She eventually settled on the left lapel so it could sit close to her heart. ‘Don’t be such a sap,’ she thought to herself as she walked back.

* * *

The _Fury_ had been gone for months and she’d gotten the rhythm of station-life into her system. Instead of trying to fill her shifts with maintenance work, Aneirin would read through the system’s catalog of medical texts and the occasional odd subject just to keep things interesting. The chief medical officer was a certified instructor for theory and skills not covered in Academy, so she took the time to review the material and sit for the exams. The Academy didn’t bother teaching much in a lot of subjects, especially non-human physiology, because they weren’t seen as immediately helpful to the First Order, but the certifications in her file would later put feathers in her cap and open up availability to more unique assignments in the future.

The days were mostly positive without the constant stream of wounded pilots, so the most morbid part of her morning was searching the casualties list. Sometimes she’d see one or so from her old ship but never no one she really knew. A handful of other staff would read the list with her, looking out for the names of family and friends they knew in the service or on contested planets.

What really put her in a good mood was the new involvement in the staff’s friendly games. It wasn’t until she’d sat for her first night that she realized she didn’t really know how to have fun anymore. Before the Academy, fun was village parties or friendly competitions, fishing in the streams with her father and baking birthday cakes with her mother. Leaving her home had meant leaving those familiar things behind and focusing on learning or assignments. Eating and drinking she was no stranger to, but she was gently ribbed when she admitted to not knowing their card games very well. She wasn’t very good at it, so she expected to be uninvited, but they gave her some leeway every now and then. Eventually she picked up on the intricacies and earned quite a few credits from betting. 

At night Aneirin silently thanked Doctor Takamura for the transfer, realizing he was completely right; she was improving the medical state of the station as well as thriving under the new working conditions. She even started exercising again with the staff, letting her mind wander out into the stars towards her red-headed champion. Every time someone brought attention to her pin or she ran her finger across it in thought, a smile would glue itself to her face.

After six months she’d become one of the supervisors on the med-deck. The Chief wanted someone who stood out and, given her record, thought she deserved a chance to learn how to be the one giving orders. It must’ve gone well because when the Chief’s second officer resigned their commission to start a family she filled the position and received a rank promotion equivalent to Captain. The whole medical staff threw a party and she got a little too drunk; she was thankful she was distracted by some news from the front line or else she would’ve been drunk enough not to keep a handsome surgeon from giving her a kiss.

A few weeks prior to this there had been news that her old ship the _Fury_ had sustained heavy damage and losses, but the report was second-hand and incomplete as the carrier lost communications a few hours after the battle ended. The fate of the ship had been unknown until it limped into dry dock on Arkanis only a few days ago and she’d been furiously refreshing the casualties until that morning. Lieutenant Hux, for his performance as commanding officer while Captain Williams was grievously injured, had been promoted to Captain as well and given his own command over a 5-ship squad in charge of subjugating new worlds and finding more candidates for the trooper program. She couldn’t say she was proud of his command’s mission, but she was relieved to hear he was okay, as well as her old captain, and also proud to hear he was recognized for his efforts. 

Around lunch time an announcement was made on subspace that General Brendol Hux had been found dead in his bed, knife in between his ribs. It was under investigation but first impressions were a New Republic assassination. Brendol had been the head of the trooper program until Armitage’s promotion and was the cohesive force to the Academy, so it did make sense that the Resistance would want him dead if possible. But when she read the report, she couldn’t help remembering some of the few words the brutish man had said: ‘that thorn in my side.’

While the station crew were celebrating she was secretly congratulating Captain Hux. Aneirin wanted to send him a gift, but he would’ve left orbit to fulfill orders before it would get there. So it came as a surprise to her that, at the end of the first day at her new position, a package arrived from Arkanis. Her friends were crowding around to see what it was, but she managed to slip the small note away and make sure no one else could read it.

‘I was looking forward to being your superior officer. I expect my next physical with a General. -Captain A.H.’

She smirked to herself at the careful writing; it didn’t matter their ranks or even that they were light-years apart, he was still giving orders. Shoving the note into a pocket, she swatted the doctors and nurses away from the still unopened box. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy to explain the origin of this gift without a little hint at an ill-defined relationship. When she opened the box she immediately shut it with a frantic slam, causing her colleagues to flinch back.

She opened it again when her heart stopped racing. She wanted to throw it away from her in a fit of terror. There was no way she would keep it, what would she even do with it? Her captivated audience wasn’t going to accept ‘I might have a close friend who likes to buy me things’ as a sufficient answer. No ‘close friend’ gives this as a gift. Aneirin put the box down on her desk before gingerly removing the item; a soft gasp is heard from many of the onlookers as she more carefully examined what could be described as an insanely expensive gift. A lieutenant wouldn’t have made nearly enough to purchase it, especially with the war in full force, so she had to assume he used the money from his father’s death; that really would’ve had that man in a fit. He’d hated her almost as much as he’d hated his own son, to use all of the man’s money to purchase a gift for her would be just one more act of disobedience.

Her friends wouldn’t know it, but it was a replica of the necklace worn by the longest-ruling and most-loved Empress of Corsaira. As a child she’d heard the histories as well as the legends of the ‘most beautiful woman in the universe’, but she’d never seen the famous treasure until visiting a museum the day before she shipped off to Academy. The empress had been a symbol of pride for her people and was the subject of many plays, paintings, and poetry. Her common moniker ‘The Star Empress’ started the trend of star-based pet names for children, because it was believed that she’d been given life by the stars and a star-child would always be successful. Her romance with the Commander of her armies was the most well-known love story and the fantasy every little girl wanted for herself in a husband.

“Stars, Captain, whose life did you save?” Aneirin smiled up at the surgeon as best she could with a laugh on her lips. She wasn’t about to tell the story of the necklace, she would have to tell them about Hux or some made-up lover. She made up some story about the duke back home that had generously helped her get into the Academy and funded her village in times of distress and the holidays; at the very least it wasn’t wholly unlikely in her eyes. 

She wanted to put it back in the box and find a safe to store it in but her colleagues insisted that she wear it at least for the rest of the day. Feeling out of place after a few minutes, she closed her lab coat to cover the gems from sight while she bought her father another stockpile of tobacco and take her dinner in the tea shop.

It looked like both Brendol Hux and herself got what they deserved from the newly-minted Captain. She played with the new insignia on her lapel as her mind drifted back to Academy days. She remembered lying in the grass after exams and smelling the spring flowers in the breeze. The press of Armitage’s leg against her own under the table. The tingle in her lips while saving him from the lake. That first physical exam seared into her memory and the soft sigh he gave when she put pressure on a tender muscle in his shoulder.

But for all she knew, Captain Hux would never cross paths with Captain-Doctor Reader again. 

* * *

Back home the planet wasn’t doing so well; a severe virus had taken the population by storm after what was believed to be an infected traded failing to be properly quarantined. As the body-count rose her mood faltered, culminating in her breaking down into tears when the chief sat Aneirin down in his office to give the news that her father had passed. She was given a few days off to get through her grief and a box of belongings had been delivered to her quarters.

She went through it piece by piece, running her fingers over every surface, inhaling the scent of home, flipping through her mother’s recipe book. The pipe and tobacco she’d bought her father had made their way into the box and she packed it like she would watch her father do, set it alight, and smoked while watching the stars out of her viewport. The case and canister became a regular fixture in her lab coat and no one seemed to argue. At the end of her shift she’d puff away like the old machinery in the fields while she worked on crew evaluations and checked inventory logs in her office. As if her sadness had summoned it, another package arrived from Corsaira, but it didn’t bear the markings of her village or anyone she knew, just the address of the planetary office for the First Order. Inside were sweets and things similar to what her mother would send to Academy, but she recognized the packaging from street vendors in the capital. Of course there was a note: ‘I am regretful to hear of your father’s passing. I had a crewman who transferred to the Corsairan office put together this box for you, I hope that it reminds you of better times. I wish I had gotten to pick them myself, your planet looked beautiful from orbit.’ 

She was in her office smoking and reading up on a new form of bacta-treatment when the station’s alert system went off, filling the room with the shrill whine. She unlocked the weapons locker to retrieve a blaster and hand them out to the qualified personnel. Her response team was pulling in injured from the cargo and docking decks and while she was waiting for them at the front door blaster fire followed them.

She didn’t know where the chief medical officer was, she assumed he’d been in his quarters or on the mercantile deck, so she was left in charge of the staff on duty. A security officer and herself were the most trained for a fire-fight so she ordered everyone who couldn’t handle a blaster to be the first to respond while she and the officer set cover-fire for the emergency teams coming in. Aneirin wasn’t quite sure how many of the intruders she’d been responsible for hitting but she wasn’t keeping track as the battle reports flooded her headset. She heard that her team that had been off-deck performing first-aid where they were able to meet security forces and the chief was recovering the station Colonel when both were assumed to be killed by a frag grenade.

This made her the highest ranking officer currently on the station. She swallowed the sheer terror she was feeling and channeled into the battle-calm she’d developed from time on the _Fury_. The two most defensible points on the station were the med-bay and the security office, so Aneirin ordered all forces to pull back to either location to defend position and not take any chances. She created a frequency for her triage-experts to help guide crewmen and civilians through first aid and ordered her response teams to find defensible positions to stay in place instead of being moving targets all over the station. When she had confirmation that this was a Resistance attack she had all civilians find hiding places; the Resistance didn’t make a habit of killing people not in a uniform on these kinds of stations. 

Then the power went out and she cursed when the back-up generators didn’t come back online after the expected amount of time. There was a deck-only emergency generator but it was on the opposite side of the hall where the Resistance soldiers were maintaining position. Without power there was nothing any of her staff could do so she got together anyone who could hold a blaster and made to break the enemy line, leaving two behind to defend the rest of the staff and injured. She kissed her lapel pin for good luck and headed the team.

After a few shots she was sure she’d lost hearing in one ear, but she pressed on without complaint. It was tough, but through careful maneuvering she’d managed to subdue the rebel group defending the turbo lift. She left the security officer to passcode-lock the lifts when the power came back online and took two crewmen with her down the hall while the rest went on to defend the airlock giving direct access to the deck. She lost one staff member to a frag mine because she didn’t recognize it in time. Her other subordinate was killed instantly by a blaster-bolt and she returned the favor.

Aneirin made her steps deliberate and light as she came upon the end of the hall. The generator room is cramped and only has enough space for one person to stand at a time. She lined up a shot at the rebel’s back and pulled the trigger, but the blaster was spent. Weighing her options she slipped her hands into her pockets and felt the familiar ridge of the scalpel she must have stashed in the coat in a hurry. There was only one thing to do.

The moment felt like it wasn’t her who actually took the man by surprise and split his throat open from ear to ear in one fluid motion, like it was a dream and she was just observing. His weight became dead and she lost balance as he began to flail and bleed out, leading to his body forcing her to the ground with a heavy thud and warm blood poured over her. It took a lot of strength to roll the corpse off and she stared into his eyes as they lost their life. It shocked her how killing an enemy reminded her so much of losing a patient on the operating table. With the light from her useless blaster she got the generator up and running.

The lights flicked on and her headset flooded with calls from the med-bay but through all the mess she heard an unfamiliar and calm voice shine through the chatter.

‘This is the _Brittain_. The rebel ships have been routed and we are attempting to dock. Please respond.’ Her knees almost fell out from under her. 

" _Brittain_ , _Gamma-Five_ has lost power. I’ve restored power to the medical deck, please perform docking procedures there."

‘Affirmative, _Gamma-Five_.’

Aneirin walked back the way she’d come, periodically trying to wipe the blood away from her hands uselessly on a drenched coat and gave words of encouragement to her team. Passing the security officer she told him to remain in place until the _Brittain_ ’s forces were ready and by the time she arrived at the airlock they were already filling the small cargo bay. She sent the small defense squad back to the med-bay and fixed her cap as the Captain came aboard. “We have it from here… Captain-Doctor.”

“Thank you, captain. Permission to speak freely?” She looked away briefly to watch the squads of troopers rush past. 

“You don’t need permission from me.”

“My apologies, I find I’m not… used to command. To the best of my knowledge, I am currently the commanding officer of this station.” He cocked a silvery eyebrow. 

“You seem to be doing well so far. I suspect that until my men can restore power and communications you do not have much that you can do. It wouldn’t be… unreasonable for a person in your position to defer some power for the time being.” Aneirin knee that she was not a very confident or command-material person so she nodded in agreement. He followed her into the med-bay where she set him up in her office to monitor both his troops and the station while she floated around finding where she was needed most.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief when the station’s main power was restored and she heard the cheering of the remaining crewmen over the headset. She was organizing recovery operations when the _Brittain_ ’s Captain Toran walked past and she rushed after him. “Captain, would it be possible to use your ship’s med-bay and team as a second triage center for the time being?”

“Of course. The _Brittain_ is ordered to remain docked until resupply can come in from the closest planetary base. We’ll stay in touch.” The older gentleman gave her a look over before striding away back to his ship to finish reports and coordinating his troops. She was still in her blood-soaked uniform while she spent the next six hours organizing recovery-repair operations and started work on the miles-long list of reports she had to fill out to be sent to headquarters.

It’s only when she tried to board the _Brittain_ that the other captain suggested his crew was fresh enough for her to relieve what was left of the station’s staff to rest and recover before continuing the monumental task of cleaning up after the rebels. He put extra emphasis on the fact that she in particular need of some recovery time. Finally she realized how absolutely disgusting she, pulling at her clothes, feeling the dried blood chip away from skin and the slide of spots where her sweat had turned it back into a thick sludge.

Aneirin scrubbed her whole body three times before getting out of the shower, not even caring that the water turned icy-cold. She thanked the stars that her quarters remained untouched and she checked to make sure that the necklace is still locked away in her bottom drawer. Overcome by exhaustion she drifted to sleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

* * *

The _Brittain_ remained docked for two weeks before headquarters managed to announce the departure of a supply ship with a fresh batch of troopers, technicians, a handful of replacements for the medical team, and of course a new Colonel. During that time she got to know Captain Toran in both a professional and personal manner as he gave advice and they shared a few dinners. She was surprised to earn some short words of praise for her part in defending the station and work on restoring order. It took two more weeks for that ship to arrive so the _Brittain_ and its crew remained to continue defense and repair on the station. For the whole month she was the commanding officer and the _Brittain_ ’s captain had left it to her to manage the station while he managed his crew. It hadn’t exactly helped that she had no access to the previous Colonel’s records so she made her best guess at all the reports that would be needed.

While coordinating repairs and checking in on the intensive care unit, Captain Reader was also meeting with the civilians caught on the station during the attack to arrange compensation and passage back home. With the station in such disarray, only trading vessels and shuttles that had already been docked were available for the foreseeable future. It’d been difficult to store all of the dead in the station’s morgue, so she was working overtime with the mortician specialist to get the bodies prepared for transit pods, informing next-of-kin, and reducing the unidentified and unclaimed to ashes to be stored until they were either found via DNA and facial identification or burned up in the local star with the rest of the station’s refuse. She was surprised the First Order would have such a policy, but they loved their records and it was probably part of their altruistic rhetoric.

She felt like she would fly apart at any moment but every piece of positive feedback mended her self-doubt bit by bit. The day the _Brittain_ left she even found a commendation added to her file by the captain and after the new Colonel had time to go over her files he also added a recommendation for promotion by the end of the year. In the meantime he’d cancelled the request for a replacement chief medical officer and had her fill the position. The thought of being in charge of the whole department was daunting at first, but she realized that it was a lot easier than running both it and the station.

Somehow she expected a subspace message to come in from Captain Hux but there never was one. It made sense, he had more things to do than pay attention to a report on a station attack on the other side of the Order’s territory. It’d been over a year since she’d received her promotion gift and eight months since her father passed. She started to think he’d forgotten about her, or maybe there was some young officer as his assistant that he found a new interest in without her always around. Looking in the mirror, she remembered that she’d be 28 next standard year and thought ‘he should have better than this.’ It didn’t matter that they were the same age or that being 28 with her amount of success was a triumph and no laughing matter. None of that meant anything when the second person she’d fallen for hadn’t taken the same interest in her life that she had in his. 

Another couple months and the station was as close to its original condition as it was going to get. The medical deck was in peak condition, actually a little more efficient than under the late chief, earning her the last recommendation for promotion to Colonel. It would be a few more months for it to become final, but it was all but final. She spent those last months training her potential replacement in case a transfer came in with the new insignia. She was pretty confident in the state the med-bay would be in should she have new orders.

It wasn’t exactly clear to Aneirin where would be next for her. She supposed there were hospitals planetside, the field hospitals on the front lines, headquarters, and the larger ships in the fleet. It briefly occurred to her that, with Brendol Hux deceased, there was no one to obstruct the possibility of teaching at the Academy. With her parents gone and Hux not caring for her anymore, she figured she’d be fine overseeing a deep-space observation base at the edge of the galaxy if that’s where they wanted to shove her.

Her new insignia came in with her proof of promotion and a letter informing her that she would be transferred once it was decided where she would go. Usually high command didn’t send out such promises so she pretended it was written in steam. Everyone congratulated her on Colonel-Doctor and for a few weeks there were jokes about how she’d be running the station again. No gift came for her, but she’d forgotten to even expect one. Her replacement had taken on most of the workload so she resigned herself to making simple rounds and catching up on reading. This caused the new Colonel to get a little stir-crazy and so she requested permission to increase efficiency around the First Order territory until she was given her new assignment. For a few months she earned quite a few gifts of gratitude and even garnered some acquaintances. Of all the ships and planets she stepped onto, Captain Hux was never on them. 


	7. Liberosis

_Liberosis - n. The desire to care less about things._

* * *

**Colonel Reader’s 28th birthday came** and went without much acknowledgement other than her private celebration in a bar on Coruscant. Her present came in the form of new orders; a new squad of ships had been commissioned to form the Valkyrie Corps, intended to be a moving state-of-the-art hospital able to service the front lines, First Order colonies, anywhere it was needed. And she was to be its new commanding officer along with three captains below her to command the two fighter-support cruisers and aid on the new dreadnought _Eir_ that was to be hers. The three ships would be arriving in a month and she would be the last to come aboard so that she would immediately be ready for duty.

Her first instinct was to refuse the transfer; what did she know about commanding a dreadnought with its own permanent escort? She imagined being on the bridge, staring at the officers’ expectant faces and finding no words forming in her mind. ‘Resign,’ a voice said, ‘you don’t deserve it anyways.’ But she started going through the operations file for the new Corps when it became available on her datapad and ended up reading advanced command theory textbooks in the database.

It is not until she was on the bridge did she realize that she deserved it. They were saving lives; it was what she swore to do. The captain that was her second was probably around her age, maybe a little older, she hadn’t gotten a chance to look files, a man tall enough that he couldn’t avoid looking down at her to maintain eye contact. He handed the Colonel her new pad and stood at attention, awaiting orders. “Let’s make this ship worthy of the name _Eir_ , Captain.”

“Sir?”

“She was a god of healing. I think we’re in a little need for a god’s favor right about now.” She looked at the pad to confirm her first destination, even though she had it memorized for the whole month since receiving the orders. “When we’re clear of the station, let’s jump to hyperspace. That plague isn’t going to cure itself.”

“Aye, sir.” He gave her a last salute before communicating her orders to the bridge crew. The engines came back to life while she found her way to her new quarters. There she began peeling her uniform off sweaty skin, touching the necklace that had been hidden under her shirt.

“I need all the luck I can get.” A hot shower and a quick nap were in order before she was scheduled to visit around the multiple medbays.

* * *

Command was difficult, but not in the way she’d assumed. Aneirin was used to being hands-on in her work, but now it was time to delegate power and it irked her. There were doctors better than her in some fields and that was fine; she couldn’t be an expert on everything. But she missed walking the beds and being in the operating theaters, even missed some of the yearly exams she gave.

Six separate med-bays lined the edges of the destroyer, each with their own Captain-Doctor that reported to her. Every time she was in one for inspections she found herself trying to be the one responding to pages but she’d hesitate just long enough that someone else would get there first. She was beginning to feel less like a doctor every day she wasn’t prodding some poor trooper. A compromise she’d made was that all of her direct subordinates reported to her for yearly exams.

A problem arose when her crewmen saw her pattern of unchecked kindness around the ship. She would speak softly to the injured, give crewmen reaffirming pats on the shoulder, was fairly lenient with sick-days as long as she was allowed to confirm their ailments. Her captain eventually came to her, concerned that this behavior would lead to disrespect and a loss in authority.

“Captain Darys, my reasoning is simple: people work better when they feel appreciated and aren’t running themselves into the ground. I’ve seen my style of interaction raise efficiency by as high as 20%. On the _Fury_ I lost 5 less Pilots a week on average compared to its record for the year previous my assignment.”

“Colonel-Doctor, this ship may be filled with medical equipment and medical teams outnumber the troopers 3 to 1 but that does not mean you are an active-duty doctor anymore. You are expected to act as the commanding officer of the ship. It is my belief that you should start being more a Colonel than a Doctor.” She gave it a moment’s thought before dismissing the captain.

Later in her quarters she sat heavily in her chair and stared out at the stars. When she finally picked up her pad, she opened up a book written by one of the most highly regarded generals in history. She’d become so absorbed by it that she didn’t notice that it was time for her shift until the pad buzzed in her hands. Suddenly exhausted and hungry, she changed into a fresh uniform and stomped off to the bridge.

The whole day the colonel was in a foul mood, her brows constantly down in annoyance and her orders quick and harsh. When an ensign inputs the wrong coordinates into the computer and the ship ends up 20 light years away from its escorts before anyone notices, she tore into him like a viscous beast instead of her usual ‘mistakes happen; if you can tell me how you made it and how you’ll remember to never do it again, we’ll forget this happened.’

This put Captain Darys in a good mood, but when she finally ate, showered, and slept she felt horrible in the morning. Being harsh and barking orders wasn’t who she’d been until now. Yelling was for being heard, being harsh was for driving home helpful advice, not for crushing people’s spirits. But when she got back onto the bridge, something stopped her from making up for a bad day. She’d accepted the position because she thought she could do some good and as it turned out she was giving up being that person so she could help 100 more officers be who had been.

So, Aneirin buried her kindness in the back of a drawer with her beautiful necklace and the remnants of her life back home. Only her father’s pipe went with her everywhere she went and she used her position as the commanding officer to keep the healer’s pin on her lapel above her heart.

With her 30th birthday came her physical appointment with her assistant, Doctor Taipaw. Normally Aneirin found physicals to be routine and pleasant, but this year was a little different. Taipaw couldn’t help the jovial tone that came with looking at her medical record and asking “has anything changed?”

“Not really. Same as the last two physicals you did.” She knew she wasn’t exactly ‘old’ yet, Corsairans were known to live into their 100s without too much assistance, and she wasn’t vain, but there was still something meaningful and daunting about the number. 

“Sexual history still the same?” There it was, there was the daunting thing about the number. 

“Yes, still nonexistent.” She kept her tone even, not betraying her embarrassment. The slight pink on her cheeks did. 

“Sorry, Colonel, I didn’t mean any offense.” He continued on with the exam after putting his pad down and pulling on a pair of gloves. “I suppose that you’ve notice just as much as I that people in our line of work tend to lean one of two ways; stress-relief through sex or burying themselves into their work so far that sex has become uninteresting or merely a distraction.”

“It’s not that it’s uninteresting.” She’d never felt the need to defend herself before and the urge is almost as uncomfortable as the pelvic exam. “I just… have only ever been interested in people I’ve come to really know. The thought of picking someone at random is unappealing.” 

“That’s sweet. Do you know me enough to admit who you’ve had a crush on?” He’d moved on to inspecting her midsection and a smile graced his lips as he had to stop to allow her a nervous laugh. “Must be special.”

“He is, but unfortunately he’s forgotten about me.” She didn’t know that for sure; at the very least she couldn’t say with any certainty that he’d physically moved on from her, because he’d refused a physical since she’d made Captain. “There was my childhood best friend, but I left for Academy, so naturally he moved on.” 

Aneirin remembered the kiss like it was yesterday, the first time she’d done so and frankly the only time that had counted as a kiss. Rescue breaths were decidedly not kisses. Her assistance spoke up, breaking her from her reverie. “I like hearing your stories. How about sharing another one?” 

* * *

“I can’t believe you still have your wisdom teeth. You’re like a billion years old.” Sebastian Crath, heir to the ducal seat of Corsaira, whined pathetically and with more drama than necessary when she hit him with the back of her hand. “Ow! This is the thanks I get?”

“Your Dad is paying, why should I thank you?” Aneirin gave him an incredulous look that earned her an eye roll. 

“Because I’m your best friend and I came with you and I’m taking you home to take care of you.” He spread out his arms in false humility.

“I’m getting teeth pulled, I’ll be fine, I don’t need a nurse.” The tall blond opened his mouth to refute that claim but the dental surgeon’s assistant came in to show her to the back. He sprung to his feet with her coat in his hands. 

“Can I be there, when they knock you out?” She was about to say no, just to mess with him, but he seemed much too earnest.

“It’s not going to be that interesting.” A second pass of her eyes over his face told her that what she mistook for earnestness was concern. Fear. “Nothing’s gonna happen, Bash.” 

“You could never wake back up!” He whispered it but he said it strongly. Her mouth fell open slightly in surprise, but it honestly wasn’t very surprising; Sebastian was a worrier. If anyone was more compassionate and caring than her, it was him. So she took his hand and followed the assistant to the back room, where she sat down in the chair and her friend loomed nearby looking like a worried loyal dog. The surgeon explained again how everything would go and the oxygen tube was wrapped around her face, the air suddenly cold but pleasant in her sinuses. Just that had made her relaxed and lightheaded, enough to take some of the sting out of having a needle pushed into a vein; she heard the young man suck in a breath as the needle went in. “I don’t know how you can stare right at it like that, An.” 

“I dunno, I want to know what’s happening. Scared of needles? Not surprised.” She received a sour look accompanied by a faint blush. Then she was given a sedative, which was the last thing she concretely remembered before she was given the anesthetic.

When she woke up she wasn’t exactly sure where she was but the first thing she recognized was Sebastian’s smiling face. She was still in the process of understanding what was happening when an assistant explained how to take care of her wounds and the prescription she’d need to fill for antibiotics and painkillers. Later she would realize it was a good thing he’d come with her because she felt airy and a little slow. He took her back to the ducal estate in the city, where they kept a spare room just for her when she came to visit. She realized this was the last time she’d visit for a very long time and she started crying. 

“Oh, An, everything will be alright.” A white linen handkerchief with lace trim dried her cheeks for her and there was an amused laugh when she tried to speak only to have her voice garbled and muffled by the gauze in her mouth. Aneirin lied down on the comfortable bed, slightly propped up by pillows to help the spit and blood go down her throat as she slept, and her friend brought her a painkiller and her first dose of antibiotic. He helped change the gauze in her mouth and she laughed. “What’s so funny, Cadet?”

“You sure you don’t want to come be one of my nurses?” It took some effort but she managed to get the point across. He looked at the comforter fondly as he made sure she was warm and comfortable. 

“No, I only take care of a select few.” He sat beside her, more or less talking at her rather than with her, but there was plenty of laughter filling the room. As the painkillers kicked in she became pleasantly tired and less inhibited, though with the anesthetic there wasn’t much more to hibit. 

“Hey, What was the last thing I said to you?” She was curious if she was actually responsive past her last memory. His cheeks reddened and his lips twitched at the corners into a smile. 

“You said ‘I love you, Bash, you’re such a good friend.’ Then you were out like a light.” 

“You are. A good friend. And I do love you, I’m gonna miss you so much, dude.” He made to get off the bed to let her rest, but she took his hand and pulled him towards her, smooshing their lips together in a sloppy wet kiss. Sebastian sighed and moved away, stroking her disheveled hair. 

“Get some rest.” 

* * *

Her captains shared dinner with her to celebrate her birthday, a lot more than what happened at other assignments. She had to remind herself that she was the most important person on the ship, at least in their eyes, and they would go out of their way to please her. Anything to make her more likely to add a commendation to their files. The joke was on them, assuming they actually wanted to be free of her presence in these moments, because she would commend good work in a heartbeat. 

Good work came in the form of relief efforts on a formally Republic planet. The little rock at the edge of Republic territory had been left to fend for itself when a disease swept its surface, its government unable to properly fund and supply a return to normalcy. Somehow Colonel Reader and Captain Darys managed to strike an agreement for their medical teams to set up clinics in major cities and synthesize a stash of vaccinations to be distributed, all without the Republic being notified. There was no invasion, no distribution of First Order propaganda, just hundreds of white coats guarded by stormtroopers with red crosses on their shoulders. The imagery had to be explained to the Valkyrie Corps when she suggested the change in order to distinguish troopers meant for medical protection. They’d been trained to be courteous and to understand how to direct visitors around the field hospitals, not shoot on sight or push around civilians.

They managed to only have one small fuss from local Resistance forces, but thankfully no one was killed. She made small notes in the files of staff who were reluctant to work with the Republic citizens, especially nonhumans, but did so anyways. In her eyes, their duty as doctors was to the health of all people, not just keeping the Order’s soldiers alive. Some would consider this weak, but they weren’t commanding their own dreadnought. 

The Valkyrie Corps was becoming the new pride of the First Order, all success attributed to Aneirin’s swift and efficient command. It was true, she supposed, because casualties dropped across the territories significantly. Her personal pride was the new installation of a state-of-the-art research wing in place of the small fighter wing, earning the _Eir_ a third escort cruiser. So far she’d found vaccines for several previously unpreventable diseases on the Rim worlds and headed an advancement in bacta tanks with the discovery of a certain bacteria.

So they were promoting her, and she left the _Eir_ in the hands of Captain Darys and Doctor Taipaw while she took a shuttle back to headquarters. On the ride she was reading the news and came across a favorable evaluation of the trooper project’s progress. She’d never approved of it, stealing young children to make soldiers was immoral and the reconditioning program was harmful, but she had yet to be a voice worthy of hearing. Frankly there weren’t enough people willing to be stormtroopers and it didn’t seem to matter how that might say their fight was wrong or useless. Besides, the Resistance wasn’t much better off, their numbers projected to only be in the 100s or low thousands depending on what you considered a ‘Resistance soldier.’ Her eyes lingered a little too long on the image of Colonel Armitage Hux. She assumed that pretty soon he’d be receiving his own General’s stripes. Waiting for her at the landing pad was Admiral Marcine and his assistant and he seemed a little surprised at her appearance; most people remarked that her reputation seemed to indicate a woman of some stature and firm countenance. They exchanged salutes and pleasantries before he lead her to the speeder waiting to take them to the tall looming tower that was headquarters.

The ceremony was short and Aneirin squirmed under all of the eyes watching her as her achievements were listed. The new rank insignia was attached to her coat and she thanked the Admiral before the ceremony was adjourned. Dinner with the Admiral was quick and barely any words passed between them. It felt like only minutes ago that she was exiting the shuttle door before she was in it again. On the _Eir_ most of the crew that passed her by gave her sleeve an impressed look. She ordered the better meals be available to everyone in the canteen, even the troopers, and she noticed the spring in people’s steps as they walked off for their dinners. She spent the rest of her day going over reports, pipe hanging from one corner of her mouth, and her old portable record player sending the sound of gentle music through her office. The newly adorned coat hung on its peg by the door and she looked up at it every now and then, feeling somehow guilty. The new General ended her day with a quick walk around all of the med-bays before getting a quick dinner and turning in to sleep.

The promotion hadn’t gotten in the way of her continuing to find subjects of interest for her, formulating research and experimentation. With Captains Darys and Taipaw taking over most of the ship’s day-to-day functions, she was left with quite a bit of time for her personal interests. Her favorite thing to do was research rare or incurable diseases. Her most recent reading material was about a degenerative condition, deceptively named ‘King’s Syndrome’ after it was first discovered in the king of some planet whose star long ago burned up. She was reading through the files of recorded cases and related research when what scrolled past had her touching the old pendant that had hung around her neck since the first day of Academy. 

Cecilia Hux had been diagnosed with and died of King’s Syndrome not long after the two women had met in the Arkanis starport, watching the rain pour down. Aneirin found herself wishing that the then-Cadet Hux had told her, but of course he probably hadn’t felt close enough to her at that point to tell her. As she read through the initial report, it also occurred to her that the young man had most likely wanted to keep it a secret, because the disease was known to be genetic. That made its potential surfacing in him a weakness and he couldn’t abide by weakness. No cure or preventative measure had been found because it was difficult to detect until it was too late. So, with that piece of knowledge, it became her primary focus, almost to a fault. Her captains had to be a little more diligent about informing her of things that required her attention instead of expecting her to discover them naturally like usual. 

Of course she used her status as a General and highly-acclaimed Doctor to gain access to all sorts of DNA and medical records, whatever was available, hoarding it like a dragon with gold. She was disappointed to see that the latest sample from the last living Hux was as old as Academy. She played around with it anyways, along with all of his older records, and she smiled to herself in her private lab. In a strange way it was an intimate interaction, almost burgeoning on invasive despite every military personnel knowing that a doctor with enough rank could dig through their records without direct permission. She was considering writing him another message, the last dozen or so going ignored or lost, while she was running a comparison between the three family members. A draft was started on her datapad before her computer beeped.

Aneirin didn’t quite know how to process the information she was given. For years she’d been under the impression that Cecilia was Armitage’s mother, no one had ever given her reason to believe any differently. Until all the little pieces didn’t match up quite right. It then occurred to her that the ‘mother’ field of his birth record had been left strangely blank. Mothers were very hard to lose track of. She’d considered it a clerical error that no one bothered to fix, now it appeared to be a secret that General Brendol Hux had swept under the rug. However the pieces matched up enough that whoever his real mother was, she was closely related to Cecilia. 

So began her journey becoming friendly with the Aventhal Family, showing them her pendant and discussing her research. She didn’t talk about her suspicions about Armitage’s true parentage, because they most likely already knew and were just as adamant about keeping it quiet. After some time they agreed to release some of the family records and the members available submitted updated genetic samples. On the shuttle ride back to her ship she scrolled through the data and saw another name she hadn’t thought about in a very long time. Someone she once knew long before she knew Armitage or Cecilia.

* * *

Aneirin must have been in her early teens to be allowed on the trip up the mountain. It wasn’t difficult but it was far from home, a day’s journey from the little valley village of Finntroll. Every year the village gathered up offerings of vegetables, fruit, baked goods, bolts of woven fabric, skeins of yarn, and other such goods. They’d be loaded up into a wagon drawn by two horses and they took turns on who would be charged with taking it to the Home of the Mountain Mothers. The Mountain Mothers were a collection of women who sought hermitage in the small natural refuge found among rocky crags. They managed fairly well on their own but nearby villages always felt it was their duty as neighbors to help out the various monasteries, temples, and sanctuaries. While helping unload she’d caught the attention of a redhaired woman. Her name was Moira and the young Aneirin excitedly told her how her mother’s name was Miriam and her father’s name was Magnus, so it was interesting that her name started with ‘M’ as well, along with being a Mountain Mother that meant a lot of ‘M’s. The woman laughed and asked to play with her long dark-gold hair that would be cut only a few years later. As she brushed and braided, the kind woman talked about how she had a son and his name also started with A. He was with his father, whose name started with B, and her sister, whose name started with C. At the time, Aneirin didn’t think to ask why Moira was there and her own little A was not, instead making some joke about how they were an ‘ABC.’ For a few more times the young girl would ask to come along on the trip up the mountain, until she learned that Moira had passed. She made one last trip to put flowers on her marker, her body long since left out to nourish the animals and the earth.

* * *

After more research, not enough to solve the problem but she was sure she was close, General Reader sent off her message to Colonel Hux. In it she detailed her research in regards to his own health, making the request to have updated medical records sent to her. She also, in as delicate a way as possible, talked about her personal relationship with both of his deceased mothers. As far as she knew them they were both lovely women. She offered to send him the pendant, even though she’d offered it a long time ago and was told to keep it. She ended it with a wish to open up a line of communication with him again, in the hopes that they could at least be friends. She still thought of him often, kept all of the little things he’d given her. There was no reply. 

* * *

It was her 32nd birthday and it felt like any other day. The only person who said anything was Captain Taipaw while he performed her physical. Aneirin was in her office, lighting her pipe while looking out of the transparasteel window at the stars, when Captain Darys came into the room holding a black envelope. She knew what those were for and she let the smoke pour out of her nose like an enraged dragon as she sighed in annoyance. “I’m throwing that in the incinerator. I’m not leaving this ship.”

“I’ve checked it, Sir, I think high command would object to you refusing this reassignment. It’s to the Order’s flagship, the _Finalizer_.” He put the envelope on her desk, even though he knew she wouldn’t open it. He already knew all it contained. “You’ve done fine work on this ship, if you’ll allow me to say. I’m confident you will find time to continue it. It’s my opinion that your assistant will be a sufficient replacement.”

“I don’t want to be replaced, this is where I belong.” She pushed out another cloud of smoke. “But none of us have a choice, I suppose.”

“You were requested, if that matters.”

“By whom?”

“The _Finalizer_ ’s commanding officer, General Hux. The last Chief medical officer requested transfer and the general requested you. Seems like a difficult position.”

“Seems so…” She walked over to the envelope, reading its contents quickly. Effective immediately, the _Finalizer_ would rendezvous with the _Eir_ as they passed each other on their missions. ‘This is my birthday present,’ she thought to herself. ‘So much for all those messages I sent.’ “Thank you, captain. See to it that we reach the coordinates on schedule. And… thank you for your service.”

Darys gave her a salute. “It was a pleasure, Sir.”

While she waited, she called in Taipaw to tell him the good news, for him, and showed him the rest of what he needed to know about her position on the _Eir_. Looking at him sitting down in her chair to fiddle with the papers, pads and consoles hurt somehow, and she fought back the desire to tear up. Across the ship her personal belongings were being swiftly packed away in anticipation for her transfer and when her assistant was done familiarizing himself with her office she packed away everything that was strictly hers. The _Finalizer_ ’s shuttle approach announcement came over the ship speakers and she made her way to the docking bay, her old assistant in tow. As the shuttle came inside of the force field she turned to give the ceremonial change-of-command speech, letting her eyes linger over all of those present. At the foot of the shuttle’s ramp she turned back, looking out into the hanger, bidding it a silent goodbye. She regretted that, as she tried to catch sight of the _Eir_ from the shuttle’s viewport, it has already jumped to hyperspace.


	8. Silver and Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The writing and mood of the parts shift, since some were not written as the original story and were not written close together in time. I tried tinkering with them but honestly it isn't worth the headache. I hope the story is still a good read! Thank you for all of your comments and questions and general support!

_Make new friends, but keep the old: One is silver, the other is gold. -Unknown_

* * *

**The shuttle ride was uneventful,** but there wasn’t much time for there to be an event. On the _Finalizer_ General-Doctor Aneirin Reader was greeted by three officers and a contingent of crewmen to unload her things to be taken to new quarters. On sight she recognized General Armitage Hux, though she mentally noted how command had caused him to ignore his health, which was unsurprising, and how he was still using too much gel to keep his beautiful red hair in place. The look on his face wasn’t exactly welcoming, but she brushed it off; he seemed as if he constantly looked like that. One of the officers had her smiling with sudden recognition; the quiet-looking Lieutenant Dopheld Mitaka was most likely Hux’s personal assistant to be brought along to greet her. She couldn’t help feeling like her early influence had landed him a place on the flagship and by the other General’s side. She’d later laugh to herself that, by virtue of being 3 months younger than her, Armitage had beat her as the youngest General after only a month into her rank. The other man she didn’t recognize, but as a Captain-Doctor he was most likely her new assistant. She pushed the tiredness from her body, gave a stiff salute and exchanged typical ‘officer coming aboard’ banter.

She forewent being led to her quarters in favor of seeing the med-bay first. It felt too small and the atmosphere was too much like the _Fury_ for her own liking, but she had time to change that. She went around introducing herself to all of the doctors and staff, even if she was about to go to her office to memorize their files. A few of them she recognized from the Academy, either a year above or below her, but they thankfully didn’t let on that they remembered her. Her office was much smaller than the one on the Eir, to be expected, so she considered all of the things she wouldn’t be putting up to personalize the space. Dismissing her assistant, Captain Harlin, for the time being, she hung up her coat, lit her pipe, and began learning everything about her crew and the ship’s records. Her assistant reminded her that her first shift was supposed to start in a few standard hours, causing a curse to escape her lips, and she convinced him that it would be fine for her to just work through the shift. Unless there was a true emergency, she wouldn’t be needed to do anything of particular importance.

Aneirin was finally getting around to checking through the command personnel files by the end of her shift. Feet aching, eyes on fire from weariness, she shrugged on her coat and went out into the ship to her quarters. It was the first time she’d seen them, so she was impressed that they seemed almost bigger than those on the Eir. Her things sat in their cargo boxes on the floor in a careful pile, but she unpacked just enough to retrieve her toiletries and sleeping clothes. In the shower she let the hot water massage away aches, mind going through the events of the day.

It had been a surprise to her, until she actually read it in her file as she edited it, that she was declared co-commander of the ship along with General Hux and a man she hadn’t seen in the shuttle bay, Kylo Ren. It had annoyed her that Hux hadn’t taken a physical since the last one she’d given him, though she already knew that in a vague sense for some time, her signature burning into her retinas in anger, and the supposed commander of the Knights of Ren didn’t have a single medical record on file besides some admittance forms. Her first act of Chief Medical Officer was to send them both notifications that she expected them to show up for physicals within the week.

And that week came and passed without either of them darkening the medbay door. Fine, officers were busy, especially commanders, so she sent them another one. It didn’t escape her attention that she failed to see either man around in a normal capacity and Armitage hadn’t spoken to her since the shuttle bay. This went on for a month, each message more forceful than the last until she found herself stomping out of her office towards the general’s quarters, medical kit in hand, at the end of her shift. A few officers had to jump out of her way, shaken looks on their faces, but she paid them no heed. They showed up for physicals, so they weren’t on her radar. This was the zeroed-in focus of a doctor with a mission.

Standing in front of his door she pressed the button to let him know she was there and she was somehow not surprised that he didn’t answer. She knew for a fact that he was in there because she had security watch his door, so she pressed it some more before resorting to pounding on the durasteel. He continued to not answer so she tapped out her security code into the keypad, the door swishing open to allow her inside. There he sat on an ice-blue sofa, datapad in hand, looking annoyed at her presence, and she stared daggers through his chest.

“What do you think you’re doing, Doctor?” He stood, placing the pad on the low table, and walked the short distance on long legs to tower above her, but she was not intimidated so easily anymore.

“If you won’t come to me, I’ll come to you.” He huffed, a look of disgusted superiority on his face.

“I will not-“

“Look, you requested me on this damn ship, so you’ll do me the courtesy of listening to my advice. I’m your co-commander.” He narrowed those green eyes at her, the ones she used to get lost in.

“You cannot order me—“ She bared her teeth in anger, causing him to falter. Aneirin reached into her pocket, balling the necklace that enraged her now to even think about into her fist, and threw the sparkling collection of stones at his chest, the piece clattering on the floor.

“You took my ship from me! If you requested me here, making me leave my crew and everything I built, just for you to jerk me around like this, then you’ll have to request another one because I’ll resign before I let you treat me like some fucking Lieutenant.” Her chest heaved with the labor of her breath and her eyes never left his face, watching for what kind of response she would get. She expected to be yelled at, to be dared to resign her commission as a General, but instead he crouched down to pick up the gift she’d once considered too nice to wear in public. “You never answered me. Make it up to me now by respecting my purpose on this ship.”

He didn’t say a word, just placed the necklace on the table next to his pad and took off his uniform in silence. She watched, expecting this to be some sort of joke, but when he was only wearing his underwear she opened her medical kit to begin the examination. It had been years since she’d done this for him, but it felt so familiar. His hands were still unfortunately cold, his corners too sharp, and his blood pressure too high, but his skin was soft and pale with just a light dusting of freckles to prove he’d once been in the sun. Aneirin thanked him when she was done, reminding him to eat better, drink more water, and sleep more, before she packed up. On her way to the door he stopped her to press the necklace into her hand and she shoved it back into her pocket to be put back into a dresser drawer.

* * *

She learned that their third co-commander was not so easy to get along with. The man was large and muscular, his face constantly hidden behind a mask that at first she found intimidating, but after all of the frustration he caused it just became one of the ridiculous things about the knight. Cornering him in his quarters or his training room didn’t help, her body getting shoved aside through the Force. She had become just as annoying to him, so it seemed, because every time she refused to follow his orders, the force he used got stronger until she’d been slammed against the wall. Aneirin has little choice in the pained sound she’d made as her ribs flexed just enough not to break and she noticed the way that, for once, the man turned back for a moment instead of immediately stomping off. 

Kylo Ren probably expected her to stop coming around after that, but she was persistent and had a high tolerance for pain. News of her mistreatment made its way around the ship, causing quite a few of the less punctual and problematic crewmen to clean up their acts when it came to medbay visits. Their fear of her wrath was only softened by the gentle manner in which she handled them while they weren’t ignoring her or their health, leaving them confused about what kind of commander she was. The cold mask that haunted her on the Eir began to lift itself as she once again became only concerned about the medbay and the crew’s health. It was as if she were a tree that could regrow its limbs after a terrible frost.

It therefore took Aneirin a while to realize the power she had over her co-commanders. She’d been punching in the temporary suspension of a pilot who needed complicated surgery to repair the motor function in his hand when she got an idea. If she couldn’t shame, scare, or cajole the commander of the Knights of Ren, she had one last weapon at her disposal. She prepared herself for the ensuing chaos with a long relaxing smoke in her office while staring out at the stars, hoping that she was making her parents proud.

* * *

When her door slid open and the heavy gait of the commander announced his presence, she didn’t bother looking up from her console, maintaining a passive expression even as a fist slammed into the desk.

“Who do you think you are?!” His modulated voice echoed throughout the room. She rolled her eyes.

“I’ve been here two months, if you don’t know who I am, I should add ‘mental faculties’ to your evaluation.” She tapped away on the console, pretending she was actually doing that, but she was really researching the new model of medical droids. The keypad shot sparks and she managed to glare at him instead of yell in surprise. “That wasn’t necessary.”

“You will reverse that suspension.” The deliberate way of speaking always made her suspicious. She knew that people sensitive to the Force could influence people’s minds, but she’d never actually seen it done and therefore didn’t know how it supposedly worked or felt. 

“I won’t and I expect that you’re trying to make me, but it’s not going to work.” She pushed herself to her feet and leaned forward on her desk, fingertips pressed against the cold surface. Her blue eyes burned into the visor of his helmet and she knew they were burning back. “You have no power over me, Kylo Ren. You may be able to push me around, choke me, break me over your knee, but I have nothing to live for, so do your worst. If you kill me I guess you’ll get some other doctor in here who will do whatever you say with your little games.”

“Maybe I will.” She spread her arms out to her sides and smiled.

“Do me the favor. If not, I’ll see you tomorrow at 1300 hours. Or we can do this now.” The two of them stared across the desk at each other, neither being the first to break the tension. She hid her surprise when he reached up to undo the seals on his helmet. He was not wholly unattractive, she thought, but he was not really her type. Besides, she couldn’t imagine herself getting along with the man on such a personal level. His brown eyes were sparking with rage, staring at her while he undressed to the waist. “There, was that so difficult?”

Aneirin tried to make the process as quick and painless this time around, thinking maybe he had a bad experience with doctors in the past. It unnerved her how his eyes followed her around and she assumed that he was used to no one realizing they’re being watched from behind that mask. He flinched when she took out the three vaccines she prepared in anticipation of this meeting and she can see the anxious shift in his body as she brought them over.

“If you don’t like needles, I’m sorry. These are the most common illnesses in the galaxy, I can tell you’ve had one of them already.” The hate she had for the man softened as her inner compassion broke loose from its bonds. She gave him what she hoped was a meaningful look. “I was working on less… obnoxious inoculation methods, but unfortunately this is the best we have on this ship. I’ll make it quick.”

He didn’t respond, probably out of pride. Or maybe he didn’t want to argue about it anymore so she’d undo his suspension. She did try to make it quick, giving soft apologies after each injection, and with that she undid his suspension. He was getting dressed while she cleaned up her office. She called over her shoulder, “I would be more accommodating if you could get your subordinates in for theirs as well sometime this week.”

The door slid closed behind him and she released the massive breath she’d been holding. To celebrate she poured herself a drink and lit her pipe while she called a technician to replace the fried console.

* * *

There was a woman on board, Captain Phasma, that had given Doctor Reader chills in the few times she'd run into her. When she read her file she’d noticed that she had been on Hux’s ship when he was in charge of the Stormtrooper project and it made her curious why he chose to bring her with him. So she dug more into it and discovered her relationship with Brendol and the rumors that Hux had him killed.

Aneirin of course always assumed it was true; she knew the true face of the late General Hux as it had earned her some of his son’s early anger for a time. So when her hair stood on end at the sight of the chrome armor, she listened to her instincts that the woman was no good. That didn’t keep her from being a little jealous that she found Hux talking to her more often than he’d spoken with the doctor- a whole 2 times- but she had to remind herself that she meant nothing to him anymore, despite the small display of regret in his quarters. She was thankful that the tall trooper captain didn’t give her medical files any problems and she made sure all of the stormtroopers followed suit.

After the Kylo Ren incident Aneirin found herself standing more confidently against the towering giants around her, but Phasma’s presence still irked her. She was eating by herself in the officer’s canteen, too tired to prepare her own meal, when the platinum blonde approached her, practically making her jump out of her skin at the sudden shock. It was the first time she’d seen her without her helmet and she found it took some of the edge off, though she was still quite intimidating. The woman stared at her with a neutral expression, the opposite of how Ren had looked like he wanted to set her on fire with his eyes.

“What can I do for you, captain?”

“I just wanted to see you, truly, for myself.”

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“The General used to speak of you often before he took command. It made me think you must’ve been such a remarkable woman to earn his pride and confidence. But when I saw you around this ship, I thought you looked quite the opposite.” Aneirin chuckled.

“I’m nothing special, I assure you.” The woman smirked at her with blue eyes alight. The doctor could feel the heat rise in her face and she looked away. 

“But you are. I heard what you did to Commander Ren. That was no small task.”

‘Death or Glory’ she said in the Corsairan language. Phasma’s eyebrows quirked, so she repeated in Basic.

“I just wanted to know who you really were, because General Hux’s well-being means a great deal to me.” She tried to think of who she really was inside.

“I’m not much of anyone, I suppose. Just a doctor.” Aneirin watched her stand back up, her neck straining to look up at her face. She felt like a bug on the ground.

“I wouldn’t be so sure, General Reader.”

* * *

Doctor Reader was having a very long day and was counting the minutes until she could finally dump the rest of her work on the second officer and go take a long shower. It only proved how utterly unlucky she was that one more thing added itself to the list of misery she had to get through before she could leave in good conscience. She took her patient relationships seriously, it was the last shred of her personal doctor creed that she got to keep after all of these years. So when her datapad announced that a patient requested her presence privately in their quarters, she threw her list of tasks to be completed on her assistant’s desk and walked out of the medbay with kit in hand. She wasn’t sure who it was, since she didn’t recognize the room coordinates, but she was thankful to have an excuse to leave earlier than planned.

She was just outside the door when it quietly swished open, but no one was there. Puzzled, the doctor stepped through and looked around. Standing in front of the viewport was a massive figure draped in black and she gave a heavy sigh of annoyance. “Not you again.”

“Doctor, you will remove the General from his command and give sole power to me.” Ren loomed over her with the ridiculous helmet, using his height to intimidate. She gave a curt scoff.

“I’ll do no such thing. Stop asking.” She turned to make for the door, but was held in place by some invisible force. He forced her to face him again, her back pressed against a wall and her upper arm gripped too tightly in a gloved hand.

“I’m not asking, I’m ordering. He’s making too many mistakes.” Now she laughed out of nervousness, but was strong in her resolution to not give in.

“Ren, you have no authority over me and hurting me doesn’t help your case.” The Force still keeps her glued to the wall along with how close his bulk was as he reached up to take off his mask. He tried to make his best pleading look. 

“This is for his sake. You must… convince him that this is best for him.” The sentence sent a chill down her spine.

“Hux doesn’t listen to my orders any more than you do. If you’re so concerned, use all this fancy space magic to save him.” With that the Force was dropped, an irritated crease in his brow and jaw clenched. She squeezed past him to the door, picking her kit off the floor where she’d dropped it. “Now, leave me alone.”

The commander did not, in fact, leave her alone. If anything he became almost obsessed with trying over and over again to influence her decisions. Different tones of voice didn’t matter, nor did the content. Ren once ordered her to do something as simple as walk towards him and she did so, at first in a way that made him light up with triumph only to be dashed into anger as she proceeded to make a mockery of him by walking away again. Once even one of his knights came to her aid, reminding their master that there were more pressing things to do than torture their own chief medical officer. It was difficult to really tell which was which, they always wore a mask that was only slightly different from the other, and she didn’t have much experience with them personally. So as a courtesy she treated them all as if they’d been that one knight that was the voice of reason. 

* * *

It wasn’t often that General Hux came on missions and it was even rarer that he brought Doctor Reader along. As far as she knew, he only trusted her to treat him even if she wasn’t entirely versed in being a combat medic. He didn’t care, he made that clear when she brought up concerns about having no experience and putting them both in harm’s way. Upon his insistence, she came along and that is how she ended up in the second firefight of her life. A life of hunting and a respectable amount of combat training in Academy proved useful and earned her a word of praise from the man beside her, but her aim and perseverance weren’t good enough to protect him from a shot to the leg. The cry of pain had been a knife to the heart and she rushed to his aid faster than she’d ever moved before it seemed.

“I’m fine-“

“You’re wounded.”

“I’m not a child, leave me-“ she pressed on the wound and he howled in pain. Her point across he let her work, watching with ragged breath as she tore away the fabric of his trousers to allow better access to the blaster burn. Before they knew it they were alone in the dark alleyway.

“They were over here!” That wasn’t the normal First Order tone of voice. In a panic she started dragging Hux further into the alley to hide in the shadow of a building. He struggled and complained but her harsh shushing silenced him. As well as she could she pulled him against her chest, her hand clamped over his mouth when he started to protest. She hid their bright hair and pale skin from the light by throwing her greatcoat over their heads. Under the dense fabric their breath made the air hot and stuffy, she could hear his breathing like it was her own. When she heard footsteps approach she held her breath, her face fearfully buried in his hair that had loosened from its gel, and her arms crushing his body against hers. Her heart stopped and she even heard Hux stop breathing as footsteps neared even more.

Then they left. The generals took a breath together. His hand found one of hers and he squeezed it. Aneirin hadn’t expected it and it made her jump, which was entirely too embarrassing. Somehow she managed to keep her tears silent and she could hear faintly “we’re okay, you’re okay, I’m okay.”

Enough time had passed that they felt safe pulling away her coat and breathing in fresh air. Carefully she helped him lean his back against the wall and activated their homing beacon before going back to work on his leg. His green eyes watched her intently and for once his voice was reassuring. “You did well.”

“I want to throw up.” She felt a hand on her shoulder, but it retreats when they hear the team of stormtroopers coming around the corner. Hux made a good show of being unaffected by his wound or the fact that his heart was still pounding from their close proximity. He insisted on getting himself to his own feet despite the wound in his leg and with as much confident swagger as he could muster walked with the Stormtroopers back to their command shuttle. 

Back on the _Finalizer_ Aneirin finished patching him up and in the privacy and safety of her office his green eyes watched her work. When she made to pull her hand away, finished, he took it into one of his own, looking into her face intently. She only stared back in confused silence. “I’m glad you came with me.” 

“I’m sure you would’ve been fine. It wasn’t so bad.” She gave him a small modest smile and she could see the color bloom lightly on his fair cheeks. To her surprise he brought her hand to his lips and faintly brushed them against her knuckles, leaving her speechless. It was the first sign of affection he’d shown her since the fiasco in his quarters regarding his physical. In the time since she’d long assumed they would at most return to friendship. 

“Until next time, Doctor.” 

* * *

General Reader was sitting in her office when she got a call from Doctor Harlin.

“Yes, captain.“ 

"Ma'am, you should come to the medbay when you’re first available." 

"And why is that?" 

"Disregard, you should come to medbay immediately." 

"I’ll be right there." 

With a huff she rolled back from the desk and made her way through the maze of a hallway, passing terrified nurses and doctors the closer she got to the main medbay.

"This is the last straw, Ren!” she heard the General’s voice boom through the open space. She saw the bloody rag held to his face and stormed over like a charging bull. General Hux had already fussed away one nurse, but she practically sat on him to allow her access to the wound. A cut ran along his cheekbone, needing stitches. She started to fume.

“Commander Ren I relieve you of duty.” Her voice was like the sound of a lightsaber turning on; crisp and terrifying. The nurses around her back away and even Hux quit his own little tirade, mouth slightly ajar in a mix of surprise and admiration. 

“You don’t have command over me, Doctor.” Ren came to his full height, not that he needed to in order to be looming over her, she was not exactly a large woman. She took her datapad from her coat pocket. 

“Seems here you’ve failed to come in for your scheduled immunizations for all those planets you traipse around on. You are relieved of command until this has been rectified, Commander.” Aneirin tapped out her security code and flipped the pad towards him to show the ‘Command Sequences Suspended: See Chief Medical Officer’ in thick red letters across his file. 

“You will undo that at once.” She cackled like a madman and several people took another nervous step back. 

“We’ve been through this game before, Ren. Make me." Her words were hard and dark, as if someone else had said them. 

"You WILL give me back my command codes.” He even waved his hand in her direction. A Jedi’s trick. 

“Only when you get these immunizations. Some of them are pretty big needles. Also, apologize to the General.” She looked around at the nurses and doctors; she wasn’t quite sure if they were more terrified of her or the knight. “And my staff." 

"I will do no such thing." 

"Then I guess these codes will remain suspended." 

"Then I’ll go to the Supreme Leader.” He began to stalk away.

“And tell him that a doctor half your size threatened you with your codes?” That made him stop, which made her smirk. He looked back at her, and she was sure under that mask was the face of a man on the edge of exploding. 

“…Fine." 

After he’d made the most sincere apology she thought he could muster, she finished stitching the general’s face, laying her leftover anger onto him as he fidgeted and complained the entire time. Then she gave Kylo Ren some pent-up aggression with rather powerful jabs of various needles all over his body. Throwing the last one into a sharps container she revoked her medical override and bid him a good day. He made to smash something in her office out of rage but she caught him in a withering stare.

The doctor wasn’t going to be pushed around and no one was going to get away with hurting the General or scaring her staff without a fight. 

Two new tins of her favorite tobacco showed up the next morning on her desk. Later she heard that both the General’s assistant and a Knight of Ren were seen sneaking into her office.

* * *

Hux didn’t normally get drunk because it takes a lot of focus to be general and, well, it took too much for him to get drunk. But on this particular day he cracked open one of the bottles Reader brought him back from some planet he forgot the name of and steeled himself for the ride it was going to take him. He wasn’t quite aware that the liquor was much more potent than his usual drink, so this lead to some… interesting events.

It started with him leaving his office early; this never happens. He had to go back for his coat; this happens even less. He went to the doctor’s quarters; this happens more than he’d care to admit. Leaning on the frame he knocked until eventually it swished open, revealing Aneirin in one of her weird seaweed masks and hair wrapped up in a towel. “General Hux, what can I- oof.”

He pushed past her into her room as if she weren’t there. Her quarters were a lot less regulation compliant than his- okay, they were about as nonregulation as they could get, but he could hardly tell her no after she commanded her own dreadnought where she allowed herself the small satisfaction of having personal items. Besides, he thought it added… charm. He walked over to her bookcase wordlessly, a gloved finger extending to hesitantly touch a framed photograph. Gingerly, as if it was the most expensive thing in the galaxy, he picked it up to look at it more clearly. She was giving him a curious look, wondering where this was going, and came to stand beside him. “General-“

“I never knew my mother. When I look at you… being kind to the injured. I wonder. What she was like, and when I imagine her I think of the stories you told of your family. What I would’ve been like if I’d been left with my mother.” Her face fell upon hearing this, even though she’d been under the impression for some time that his young life had been somehow more tragic than an abusive overbearing father, considering how he’d ignored her messages on the subject of his maternal family. She took the photograph from him and put it back carefully.

“It’s not good to dwell on the past like that, you can’t change it.” She gave him a sad smile, one that seemed to cause pain to rise in his eyes. Without hesitation she gave his arm a squeeze and brightened her smile.

“If I had… I imagine I wouldn’t be here, with you.” It was melancholic. He’d actually be disappointed if he’d never met her. That was a hard thing for him to admit, even to himself.

“I imagine that is true.” It was a bit of a shock for him to open up this much to her; he was normally stone-faced and all business. They hadn’t shared much of an intimate moment since they hid from rebels. “What has brought this on?”

“I’d kiss you… but I’d ruin your routine.” The way he looked down at her had her feeling like she was the romantic interest in a love story.

“Excuse me?” Her skin heated up under the thick goo keeping her face healthy, so she was happy he couldn’t see her involuntary blush. She was reminded of their last moment on the _Fury_ , when he falsified his admittance as a technician just to see her. When he stepped closer she smelled the difference in his normal scents. “Are you drunk? Oh my god, you’re drunk.”

“Maybe… I… had a hard day.” She gave him sympathetic eyes and pushed him towards the door. He didn’t argue, his heart clenched thinking she was rejecting him, but when she got him out the door she came as well. In her robe and nothing else, face like a green gremlin, she guided him to his own room and got him ready for an early night’s rest. Aneirin placed a large glass of water at his bedside as well as two little pain relievers. She even helped him get his clothes off, unashamed because she was in ‘Doctor mode,’ though she was thankful that he didn’t make any advances while her ass was in his face getting his tight boots off. Eventually he was all tucked in and she nodded to him good night.

The next morning he avoided a hangover thanks to her. He remembered the night before but he didn’t acknowledge it. Business as usual.

* * *

“Maker you’re a fucking imbecile, you know that?” Aneirin was always exasperated when Hux managed to get himself injured or let a sickness go far enough that it became more serious than it needed to be. This time it was the latter; a cut to his lip had become infected because he’d refused to have it properly looked at. Instead of admitting to the indignity of having her seal it and comfort him, making him feel like a whimpering child, he’d let it stay open and get dirty. Now she was cleaning it, which made him hiss in pain where he sat in front of her on the low bench.

“Only you are allowed to call me that.” The words were calm and a little sweet, which was odd for him. He liked it more than he’d care to admit to have her insult him for these tiny things. She could dole out abuse without consequence because he knew she did it from a place of consideration and love. Her words weren’t meant to harm, they were to teach him a lesson he never learns; to take better care of himself. Only idiots let their cut lips get infected. If it were anyone else he would’ve threatened to shove them out an airlock, something she’d been witness to a few times. He never did it, though one time he put someone in there with no intention of releasing the outer door, but they didn’t know that.

“The next time you get hurt I better see that cocksucker scowl in my medbay right away, or I’m shoving you out an airlock.” He let himself give a small undignified snort and tried to hide it as a quiver of pain as she sealed the cut. “What’s so funny, asshole?”

“You’re the only person on this ship who can be charming when they swear.” He gave her a small smile that he didn’t know he was capable of; it makes her blush. Hux loved to see her blush, it reminded him of when they were young but he didn’t know yet how special she’d become. He got up to return to his shift on the bridge, sparing her one last amused look. “You know you’d miss me, if you spaced me.”

She blinked after him and stood next to her assistant as she filled out the medical log for the visit. “Why is it every time I curse Hux, he manages to give me kind words?”

The man shrugged. “Maybe he likes you.”

“Not in a million years.”

* * *

General Armitage Hux was not a man that asked for help; he did everything himself unless it was beneath him. That meant that having to degrade himself to the level of begging for aid necessitated a great need. Standing in front of his mirror, inspecting the dark circles under his eyes and how stark they were against his paling skin, it became too obvious for him to ignore that he needed someone’s help. He knew exactly who.

There were very few people he could trust in this den of backstabbers and vipers, but there was one he’d trusted with his life on many occasions, had saved it twice, one who stood nothing to gain from exploiting his weakness or divulging them to his enemies. They even knew a potential weakness that, given the right time and a good enough mouthpiece, would ruin his future as the leading strategist for the Order. This person had always been kind, almost to a fault. Time and the stress of command had worn away just enough of the rough edges in order to fit into the round hole of the First Order’s standard for Generals. He’d expected military life to pull them under the waves and drown them into obscurity, but here they were with their own office in the main medical bay, the words ‘Chief Medical Officer’ etched into a bronze nameplate bolted to the right side at shoulder height.

Hux knew that just beyond the automatic door was a room most likely illuminated by strings of gently glowing lights, unless she needed the focused beam of her desk lamp, and it had been allowed non-regulation decorations on account of him, well, wanting her to feel at peace in her office. It wasn’t something he allowed himself, he’d grown up in the utilitarian habit of military stations and of course the strict rule of his father. Somehow it seemed meaningful to let the other youngest General have the comforts of home. Inside were floor-to-ceiling simple bookcases covered in curiosities, books with paper pages, little trinkets that reminded her of some event he wasn’t privy to. It always smelled nice, a kind divergence from the sterile scent of the medbay. He stepped inside with as much authority as he could manage considering the task he came there to complete.

At her desk sat General-Doctor Aneirin Reader, a book in her hand and her father’s pipe clamped between her teeth as she peered down the glasses he’d caught her starting to need; he admired that she didn’t hide it like he tried to recently. Without looking up she chimed her classic Corsairan greeting after taking the delicate silver and wood pipe from her mouth; he couldn’t tell her how much he enjoyed hearing the melodic words fall from her mouth or how his heart clenched when he saw her smoking because he remembered the day on the station when he helped her choose it. He had regretted his parting words to her, but it seemed as if time had healed or at least scabbed over that wound. He hadn’t exactly returned to the young man who was on the verge of telling her his true feelings, but he’d slowly eased himself back into expressing himself. Only to her. The way she looked up at him with those deep blue eyes outlined in black eyelashes, the little lights making them glitter and her soft face somehow softer, almost had him turning on his heel to rethink this course of action. Her bright smile cemented him in place. “How can I help you, General Hux? It’s not often that you come all the way down here.”

He considered backpedaling; the first excuse he could think of was asking her to drop the careful neutral accent for her natural voice but that was almost as bad as what he came to ask her. There must’ve been something in his stance or the particular configuration of muscles in his face that communicated to her that she should come stand next to him. His crystal green eyes looked down at her and he willed away the blood rising to his pallid cheeks. Clearing his throat, he took a deep breath to center himself. “Can you take care of something for me?”

“Okay.” Her face practically lit up at the prospect of him needing something from her, he almost rethought his personal opinion of her. She very happily held out her empty hand, expecting something physical to manifest. In a panic he put his own hand in her outstretched palm. Her eyes went to it immediately, waiting for him to pull away and leave something behind. But he didn’t. So she stared at his gloved hand.

And stared.

Realization dawned on her face, her mouth hanging open cutely before she looked up into his face, scarlet with embarrassment. She smiled and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “Awww. Of course, Armitage.”

His heart skipped a beat, hearing her call him by his given name again. Any other person saying it would give rise to anger in his chest, but she was the only one who could use it. “Thank you, Aneirin.”

“I’ll start off with this proposition; if you get off your shift on time, I’ll make dinner for you in your quarters. Real off-the-menu dinner.” He let himself smile.

“That would be lovely. I look forward to it.” 

He didn’t manage to get off his shift in time, but he did have a plan.


	9. Ship of Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: This is the one with sexual content.  
> Note: Italics is Corsairan instead of Galactic Basic.

_May you sail to Hell on a ship of bones, all your flesh turn to rot and ash, and pray your loved ones never look upon you ever again._

* * *

**The _Finalizer_ was nothing like the _Eir_** and yet it felt more stressful. Aneirin felt surrounded on all sides; Kylo Ren hated her existence, Captain Phasma terrified her even as she doled out compliments, and the older captains from the Imperial days were always just barely a hair’s breadth away from disobeying her orders. The General, a man she once considered a friend and who’d requested her presence on the ship, had been more distant that she’d first expected but his recent behavior had her questioning what was fact or fiction. 

Overall it was a rough transition. She was warming up to her assistant, Captain Harlin; he seemed knowledgeable, he wasn’t entirely disapproving of her humor, and the medbay didn’t collapse when she was off duty. Her chief of surgery was a hothead, but she’d dealt with that before. Almost every Academy doctor was full of themselves and she reminded herself everyday to be an exception. It was difficult trying to make her staff humble when she felt their abilities better than her own. Her pride was reserved for the efficiency and effectiveness of her care and medbay. It hadn’t been a factor in her cures and techniques until after they’d proven themselves worthy of use. Pride was what got the knights of Ren to finally comply with First Order medical protocol. When she saw that everyone on the ship was up-to-date on their charts, she smiled and allowed herself a drink in her office.

Doctor Reader spent her meals around the medical staff that had the same schedule, but she wasn’t really included. It was natural, she reminded herself, because she not only was their commanding officer, she was different. They gave her weird looks when they walked in on her listening to music while she worked, her assistant had her redo dictations on more than one occasion because they were in the wrong language, and she was truly concerned with her effectiveness as a doctor and not just an office of the First Order. It seemed her medbay had its fair share of aspiring generals who didn’t have the right focus to distinguish themselves like she had. 

So Aneirin spent a lot of time alone, especially for breakfast and dinner when the staff would separate by social circle rather than the people they’d just been speaking to. She was surprised that evening when someone sat next to her, there were plenty of space to be had in the officer’s canteen. In the middle of a bite of food, she didn’t bother looking up or saying anything, but she jumped at the feeling of a leg pressing against her own. It was then that she smelled his soap and tobacco smoke clinging to his greatcoat; she’d found herself admiring it on a few occasions, having to keep herself from reaching out and rubbing it between her fingers.

“General Hux,” she acknowledged, not taking her eyes away from the tray in front of her. The leg remained pressed against hers when she didn’t move away. He hummed his response as he started to eat. It was familiar and foreign at the same time; they were cadets the last time they did this and a lot had happened since then. She’d been the commander of a star destroyer, he’d had his father killed by a woman whose gaze lingered a little too long on the doctor for comfort. At one point she’d become suspicious that he’d requested her here to have her more easily killed, but the notion was ludicrous.

“I apologize for my previous behavior, Doctor. I am not used to a chief medical officer with a spine.” She gave that a serious thought; most chiefs she’d met were more bull-headed than her. Maybe they knew when to quit. “I am admittedly not used to a lot of things that you bring up.”

“You kept good on your promise. The next physical you got was with a General.” She took a bite to keep from saying anything more. Hux took a bite with her and she swore it was to hide a smile.

“You have quite the memory. I would bet all of my credits that you could recite my file by heart, still” It made her laugh, because he was right. She felt his leg press harder against hers and she pushed back lightly.

“It was the only way I could know you…” her voice was small and sad, her food pushed around on its plate. Aneirin remembered all of the little moments they’d shared at the Academy and the _Fury_. His arm on hers as he pulled her away from the edge of the dormitory roof. His harsh words to her the last time she’d seen him before coming to the _Finalizer_. “I suppose I owe my career to you. Wouldn’t be surprised if you got me the command of the _Eir_.”

“That was all your doing, I’m afraid.” Her heart skipped a beat and she cursed herself for it. He contemplated his cup, turning it slowly in his gloved fingers. “I apologize for taking you from it.”

“Maybe it wasn’t exactly the paradise I wanted.” A question hung in the silence between them. “Sometimes you need to remember who you are.”

“Join me for tea.” It sounded like an order, but she recognized the invitation after all of these years. She accepted, their quarters are on the same level anyways, and the both of them make their way through the ship in silence. It took a lot of strength to not be smiling to herself as they struggled to let eachother out of the lift first. Much to her surprise he already had the tea prepared with water for two cups sitting on the counter. She distracted herself with the view of the stars.

“You’ve always been on ships and stations, I guess this picture loses its wonder.” It was not much of a question, it was barely directed at him because of how whispered it was. Aneirin heard the cups being placed on the counter and turned only to find the General right behind her. Green eyes burned into hers, making her breath hitch, and a gloved hand came up to her face.

“I’ve gained a new appreciation, as it seems.” His hot breath was on her face, blood rushed to her cheeks, and she glanced away nervously. There were plenty of times things like this had happened at the Academy and the _Fury_ , but they had just been accidents and she knew he thought of her as no more than a colleague. This felt somehow more real with his thumb tracing her cheekbone. His hand gently tilted up her face to look at him more directly, and it was just an older version of those soft looks he’d give her when he felt comfortable enough to drop his mask.

His lips on hers felt like she was in a dream and they’re barely real. It’s chaste, but hard in a way that makes it seem like he’s trying to say something. His hands cup her face to hold it there and she let her hands rest on his chest. She was the one to break it, out of breath and uncomfortably hot in her uniform. Hux’s cheeks were red, probably hers were too, and she looked at the ground in embarrassment with a smile on her face.

“Don’t make jokes, General Armitage Hux.” He didn’t make her look at him again if she didn’t want to, but a hand remains on her face, stroking it.

“I’m not known for my humor. I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”

Aneirin expected herself to run out of the room to her quarters, where she’d surely scream into a pillow in excitement. Instead, she really did sit and have tea with him almost like nothing happened. General Hux would look over the rim of his cup at her, green eyes like beacons. Still confused with a swimming head, she focused on not spilling tea on her lap. She was staring at the amber liquid when long pale fingers brushed her knee and she jumped a little in shock. He took her tea away, the small click of it hitting the coffee table sounding like a cannon in the silent room, and his hands were on her face again, taking out the silver clip he’d given her that held her hair in place. Fingers combed out the wave and massaged her scalp, and she let out a small strangled moan that she tried to hide.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never thought of me,” he whispered, mouth close to her ear before he kissed her neck.

“I’ve never…” Hux pulled back suddenly as if burned, eyes wide and shocked. Aneirin mentally stepped back and realized her mistake.

“No! I mean…” The blush on her cheeks darkened. “I’ve never done this.”

His lips captured hers tenderly, his touch light and gentle. When he pulled back again his expression was soft, a smile faintly illuminating it along with the dusting of color on white skin. All of his attention was on her. “You’re such an inspiration. I expected this life to swallow you up, but here you are, almost the same girl I became enamored with… Stronger, but just as kind.”

“Armitage, I’m no one, really. I’m sure there’s plenty of people who deserve this more than me.” She couldn’t meet his eyes, worried his gaze would reduce her to cinder on the sofa. His smell filled her senses and she could hear her own heartbeat in her ears.

“Not everyone is special enough to call me by my name.” Fingers trailed down her cheek and traced her jaw until he tilted her head again. “It doesn’t have to be now, but I need you with me. That is why I brought you to this ship and I respect your work enough to make you my co-commander. Tell me that you want me too.”

“I’ve always wanted you, I just…” Aneirin swallowed hard, emotion ruining the strength of her voice. “Thought I wasn’t good enough. I thought you forgot about me.”

It was difficult to admit, so she was glad he formulated his answer in the form of another deep and passionate kiss. She ran her hands over his chest, feeling his heart beat rapidly, and rested them on his shoulders, tugging him towards her. As he intensified she began to let more little moans escape, her body heating up under his touch. The buttons on her shirt are loosened and she ignores how nervous it makes her feel. Aneirin was enjoying herself, unconcerned with how it look for once, in a very long time.

It was slow and sweet, his fingers careful and deliberate as Hux undressed her. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to be doing, just letting him reveal her skin while their lips became swollen and red. In a fog they came into the bedroom and lied down on the comfortable bed, the rest of her clothing came off. She watched as he pulled away from her face to start undoing his own uniform, revealing the pale skin she’d imagined running her hands over in the Academy. The doctor had seen him fully unclothed more than a handful of times, but this was much more intimate, making her blush and look away.

“You can always tell me to stop.” His voice was kind and soft, it sounded so foreign from all of those orders barked from the bridge. She shook her head, silently begging for him to continue. It was silly to admit, but this had been her dream for a very long time. Their mouths were entangled again as she felt his fingers slide between her legs, already wet from the excitement. He started kissing his way down her body, skin tingling and her hands running into his hair, until she could feel his lips on her inner thighs. Light kisses traced his path in until his warm tongue pressed gently against her clit, eliciting a surprised moan.

A long finger entered her slowly while his tongue did its magic, his free hand stroking her skin. Aneirin muffled her moans with one hand while the other gripped his copper hair. Another finger slid in and she forgot to breathe while it worked in time with the flicks of his tongue. Hux pulled away, wiping his face with the back of his clean hand, and she watched with half-closed eyes as he stroked himself to readiness using the one covered in her juices. Carefully he hovered, hand by her head, and kissed her again deeply. She felt him press against her, slowly bucking his hips to rub her in just the right way. Her hands completely ruined the styling of his hair and gripped his shoulders tightly to keep herself grounded.

The generals groaned deeply as he entered her, Hux whispered something in her ear that she couldn’t make out. He increased his pace as he felt her stretch to accommodate him and she let out a string of Corsairan curses. His thumb gently circled her clit, making her fingers dig into his skin. Aneirin’s mind was a smattering of color bursts and she didn’t know how much time had passed, just aware of her two bodies locked together. She could hear his moans increase, his cock grow harder inside her, and it sent her over the edge, every muscle contracting and relaxing together. His arms held her tightly as he filled her and they stayed tangled on the bed while their hearts slowed and strength returned.

Hux carefully rolls off of her, lying on his back and looking contented. He fished a pack of his cigarettes from the bedside table and sat up while he lit it. Her pipe and tobacco was in the living room with her coat, so she sat up next to him in blissful silence. He offered her an unlit one and she took it meekly, he lit it for her. She squirmed as she felt liquids leak out of her and a tissue found its way into her view. She cleaned herself up and they continued to smoke next to each other. It’s the most relaxed she’d been since leaving home. Aneirin was lost in thought when he got up, crushing the stub of his cigarette into the ashtray and padding into the refresher for a quick shower.

“You can spend the evening here. You look quite tired,” his soft voice called to her from across the room, pulling on his sleeping clothes. She was considering the offer until a bundle of clothing was dropped in her lap. “I have some reports to read.”

She used the refresher nervously and pulled on his clothes that were much too big for her. Spying the stains on the bed she changed the sheets for him and gathered up his discarded clothing to shove into the laundry chute. Not sure what to do, she wandered into the living room to neatly fold up her uniform and get a glass of water. From the kitchen doorway she watched Hux tap away on his datapad, admiring his loose wet hair and the glow of his skin. The doctor could work on her own reports if she wasn’t the type to get them all done before dinner, so she opened up a book on her pad and read on the sofa until her eyes grew heavy. She was woken up by a gentle shake of her shoulder and Hux was there softly looking down at her. Quietly she followed him back to the bedroom and curled up under the blanket to immediately slip into sleep.

* * *

Doctor Reader woke up alone to the sound of her alarm chime from her pad. It took her a minute to remember she was not in her quarters and she briefly panicked trying to think of what this would change for her. In the living room she went to pick up her uniform only to find a note lying on top of it. She recognized the elegant loops from the few slips of paper she stored in her keepsakes box.

‘I think of you all of the time, I hope that I will always be worthy of your affection. I apologize if I am ever the cause of any ill feelings, you know the consequences of command. I believe you have always known me in a real way, been able to decipher the meaning of my words when I could not clearly express them, and through that you understand me.

_I love you_ , now more than ever.

_Yours eternally_ ,

Armitage’

Her heart rate soared and she felt the blood rush to her face. Quickly dressing and tucking the note into her breast pocket, she briskly walked to breakfast. She was not late so it surprised her to not find the normal group of medbay crew sitting at the table, so she sat there by herself, nervously picking at her food. Until a chrome figure shrunk to sit in front of her.

“Captain Phasma, good morning.” Aneirin nodded at her while she took a sip of her coffee, almost sputtering when the stormtrooper flashed her a sly smile, making her pulse spike almost as much as Hux. She regarded the smaller woman with those piercing eyes and she had to look away.

“Good morning, Doctor. You seem… well.” She watched over the rim of her mug as Aneirin moved pieces of food around her plate. “You look good when you blush. I don’t see many people walking around with that little smile on their face.”

Her eyes widened in shock and she patted her face to check for any secret grin. Phasma’s soft chuckle brought her back to reality. She stammered, “I had a good night’s rest, I suppose.”

“I would almost mistake it as being happy.” Phasma’s eyes gazed deeply into the other’s. “You’re one of the few who deserve happiness on this ship.”

“Everyone deserves happiness, Captain.” She smiled at the platinum blonde and her cheeks darkened with a dusting of blush.

“I find that admirable of your people. You value happiness.”

“I guess you could see it that way. I’m surprised you have such an opinion. Most find us weak and unsophisticated.”

“People tend to… look down on people who aren’t like them.” Aneirin sensed her sadness and placed a hand over one of hers softly.

“If we get the chance, I’d be glad to show you around Corsaira. I’m sure there are people like you there.” Her fingers lingered on the doctor’s before they retreat to pick up her cutlery.

“You’re very perceptive, Doctor. No wonder the General has you in such high esteem.”

“I’m very lucky.” They both ate the rest of their meals in silence and when they parted the tall woman flashed her another smile. Every morning they ate breakfast together and talked about Corsaira; she was surprised with how much the other knew already. Doctor Reader felt so light for the rest of the day, even running into Kylo Ren didn’t ruin her mood. The interaction was all smiles and she made the mistake of touching his arm gently, sending the man stomping off in anger. The medbay was quiet enough that you had time to read some of a novel and restart a research project. Medbay crew made small comments about her change in mood and she played it off as acclamation to life on the ship. At the end of the day the General didn’t join her for dinner, but she just assumed he was busy as usual, so she ate alone and spent the night in her quarters.

* * *

It started with a cough. General Hux caught her hiding them with the crook of her elbow during a staff meeting, but he noticed them all the same. Then her bun lost its luster and rigidity, dark circles developed under her eyes, and she started to look paler than normal. Her work was still satisfactory, so he had confidence that she’d take care of herself.

He would come to learn how wrong he was. The day came when he heard that Doctor Harlin had found the general-doctor sleeping in her office having obviously fallen asleep while working. She was of course embarrassed and quickly finished her work so that she could go to her quarters. The first day she came back to furiously check on everything and do some more paperwork, but her assistant ordered her back to bed. Since her team was keeping her from her job, she relented. The next day she didn’t show up for her shift and no one heard or saw her.

Which lead to Hux having to punch in his security code to get into her room. The sitting room was littered with blankets, overturned books, and clothes. A generous pile of teabags had accumulated on a saucer sitting on the coffee table. Not finding her there or in the kitchen, which was its own brand of mess, he gingerly made his way into her bedroom. He gave the room a confused look at the lack of occupant and the complete disarray of it.

Judging by the piles of clothing, she’d probably run out of clean uniforms a while ago. The smell of sweat hung in the air and he found a path to get to the bed, feeling how damp the sheets and pillow were. The General was making plans to have someone clean the quarters when he heard the sound of retching through the bathroom door, the sound of sniffling and crying following it. There she was, in the dark, curled up on the bathroom floor. Damp clothes clung to her body and sweat plastered the disheveled wisps of hair to her forehead.

“Doctor…” his voice was barely a whisper but she looked up at him and guilt crossed her face. Aneirin tried pushing herself to her feet, but Hux instead made her lean against the side of her bathtub. He smoothed the hair back from her face before finding a washcloth, running cold water over it, and pressing it to her burning skin.

“I know, I’m late for my shift. I’ll be there.”

“You’ll be there alright, in a bed.” She tried pushing away his hand but she was too weak. “I’m taking you there to make sure you don’t talk your way out of it. You’re not taking good care of yourself.”

“Pot calling the kettle black.”

“Maybe, but I need you.” She gave him a confused look, he realized what he’d said. “I need you to be well so I don’t have to worry about your medbay.”

Slowly he was able to help her off of the floor, muttering apologize as she whined with the pain. He tried finding fresh clothes to put her in but they were all in piles, so he had to half-carry her to the medbay in her old Academy shirt and running shorts. The ginger general shot everyone who walked past them a glare as they stared at the strange scene, the doctor barely awake and able to walk while he kept her upright with one arm wrapped across her back. He was thankful that she was short and light.

The nurses rushed to take her from him and get her taken care of. No one said anything while he held her hand as they worked on her and she faded from consciousness. They assured him that he would be informed about her status regularly and he left to return to the bridge where he tapped out a request to have her quarters cleaned.

For once General Hux left his shift right on scheduled time so he could go down to the medbay to check on her. He found Aneirin lying in one of the private rooms, dozing with a line of fluids in her arm. Quietly he moved a chair to the bedside and sat down, taking off his glove so he could hold her hand. It squeezed his back and he was surprised to see her smiling at him. “How are you feeling?”

“Jesus, I can barely move… but I’ll be better soon, thanks to you.” 

“I need you at your best, Reader. I am not dealing with a new chief medical officer.” She chuckled and his heart felt strange.

“Yeah, I’ll spare you the agony.” 

* * *

General Reader thought things had been going great the last couple months, but everything changed the last time she spoke to General Hux. At the end of a long day consisting of haggling over new equipment installations, putting out a plasma fire in the medbay, and arguing with Ren about who really had power over whom, they both decided to eat dinner together.

Hux invited her to his quarters in order to eat in private; he’d have a meal ordered in. Relishing the absence of a hundred crewmen chattering in the canteen she graciously accepted. On the way there she talked more about much-needed updating on the medical file system and she insisted that he needed to get one of the sleek headsets she used so they didn’t have to wait on the datapad messages to be read.

His quarters were stark and utilitarian, much like the man himself, but the ice-blue sofa gave the room some semblance of personality and charm. Hux made her sit down while he fixed both of them a drink and he admired the way she savored the rich liquor on her tongue. Dinner was delicious, though he had remarked that the meals she made for him were better. They sat in silence together on the sofa, the backs of their hands lightly leaning against each other. It was then that she looked over at him and stared softly into his tired green eyes.

“I know this sounds silly, but…” Aneirin let a smile spread across her face, “I love you.”

“I don’t deserve to be loved.” His answer was quick and harsh. He picked up his datapad, disregarding her troubled look.

“Don’t say that. You mean so much to me.”

“I have work to do.” She tried to stay a little while longer, but he refused to talk to her or even look at her.

“I don’t know what I can do to change your mind, but I’ll find a way, I promise. Because I really do love you, Armitage.” He shot her a withering glare.

“Don’t call me that.” She turned her eyes to the floor, deflated. 

“Yes, General.” So she left and went to her quarters, staring out at the stars looking for an answer, but an answer never came. Later the man acted as if the interaction never happened and her heart sank knowing there was something wrong that he wouldn’t talk about.

* * *

Lying in her bed, still not dressed for her shift, Aneirin buried her face into the pillow. She was so exhausted that she didn’t even get up to see who it was that came into her quarters. She smelled tobacco, so she knew who it was.

“This is unacceptable.” She didn’t bother to respond, she knew what he was talking about. “There’s no way in hell I’m approving this transfer.”

“Then I resign my commission.” She rolled onto her side so she couldn’t look at him, wrapping her arms around herself. His steps echoed in the room and his voice was careful, losing its annoyed tenor. 

“What is this about, Reader?”

“I don’t belong on this ship.” The bed sank beneath his weight. 

“Of course you do.”

“I’m a hack.” She felt his hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. 

“You’re a wonderful doctor. You wouldn’t be on this ship if I didn’t think so.”

“There are so many better than me. I haven’t done anything with my life.” His breath came out in a sad huff and she felt his weight shift about the bed until his body heat was against her back. An arm snaked around her waist and pulled her closer into his chest. Aneirin felt his breath on her neck as he buried his face in her hair.

“You commanded the _Eir_ , saving effectively billions of lives with relief efforts and research. You made every ship you’ve ever been on efficient and better-run than First Order standards. You’re one of the few doctors to ever make General and you were briefly the youngest General ever.” When she didn’t say anything, he held her tighter. “And you’ve saved me, on numerous occasions. If that doesn’t put you in the top 5 of doctors, I’ll resign my commission with you.”

“You wouldn’t resign. This is the only thing you live for.”

“I wouldn’t have to.” She sighed heavily, relaxing into him. “And I have a lot more to live for than this.”

“I thought you weren’t worth loving.” It was his turn to sigh. 

“I was having a bad day. Like you right now. I’m sorry.” Hux didn’t apologize easily, but her presence made it easier. 

“Will you stay with me, like this, for a little while longer?” He grabbed his great coat from where he laid it down and blanketed it over them both.

“Yes, but I can’t stay long.” They lied there in perfect silence, Aneirin breathing in his soap and the smoke clinging to his coat.

* * *

The world around her spun as she fell to the ground. The shockwave of the explosion shook her to the core, deafening ears and throwing her body across the bridge. For a minute the only sensation she could register was the heavy weight on top of her. Doctor Reader was on the bridge discussing the installation of a new contagion outbreak suppression system she had designed with General Hux when it happened. The discussion gave her an excuse to get out of the medbay and come listen to his voice, even if it was masked in the commander sneer. She knew he reserved his soft tone for when the two were alone or weren’t immediately being listened in on. After all these years she learned not to take it personally when he was in a foul mood or critical of her.

Suddenly she remembered the moment like it was in slow motion, the bright flash of the explosive and Hux pulling her into his arms. With shaky hands she tried to move the bulk crushing her into the cold floor panels and she panicked at the familiar feel of the greatcoat. Filled with adrenaline she rolled him onto his back, taking his face in her hands to rouse him. He barely moved and she started assessing his damage. As she prodded around his person he groaned when she tried to roll him on his side. Her bare hands felt the warm and sticky blood seeping through his uniform.

There was more of it than she thought would be possible. Screaming on her headset for a recovery team, tears streamed down her face as she staunched the bleeding with her lab coat. She tried to keep him conscious but he was practically nonexistent, unable to even say his own name. Hands occupied applying pressure to his back she resorted to saying reassuring things, things that would have embarrassed him if he were capable of hearing her. _I love you, don’t do this to me, I need you, you’re going to be okay, I’ll be sure of it. Thank you so much for protecting me, for being there, you mean so much to me._

The recovery team finally showed up and she crawled on top of him once he was placed on the gurney to maintain her desperate grip keeping him from bleeding out. With the noise of the ship she can’t hear when he stopped breathing but she could feel his side fail to rise beneath her. Aneirin didn’t hesitate to start chest-compressions, whispering every prayer and curse she knew. She was still cracking his ribs when they were brought into the medbay, a team already in place to take over. Despite Harlin insisting that she let the others handle it, she was the one administering every solution in the book to restart his heart. No one said anything about the bloody tears running down her face as she furiously shouted orders and swears.

“Don’t die on me! Please!” She gave him one more pulse and she let out the scream of terror that had been building in her chest the entire time as he violently came back into the land of the living. Confident he was actually there and not some reanimated corpse from legends of old, she finally backed off to let her head of surgery and his team whisk the General away to an operating theatre.

Aneirin stood at the observation window for the whole 5 hours he was under the knife, ignoring her assistant trying once again to get her checked over. When he was in the recovery ward she gave in to being looked over, hissing at the bruises forming all over her body and silently watching lacerations be treated. The entire time Hux was in the critical care unit, she checked on him every 30 minutes, even though she had perfect confidence in her medical team. It took him a while to wake up and recognize her, but she was crying like a child when he finally whispered her name. “I was so worried, Armitage, I thought I’d lose you.”

“You’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.”

* * *

War meant information was key and supposedly the best way to acquire information was torture, next to spies. General Reader didn’t relish in the suffering of others and sometimes she felt as if her co-commanders liked it a little too much. At least General Hux withered and felt shame when she confronted him about the state of a prisoner that the detention center had to send to medbay. It happened often enough that she made it protocol for prisoners to be seen by medical after interrogation. She was the one who came into the secured room to fulfill the protocol and she sighed heavily at the sight of the man. He would be handsome, a few years younger than her, if his face wasn’t split open and giving her and the trooper guard an angry glare. “I don’t know why you bother, General.”

“Get out, Sergeant. Please and thank you, bye.” She pointed him to the door and he tilted his helmeted head to the side. 

“General, it is protocol to-“

“Don’t care. Get out. Stand outside and lock the door. Have some human decency.” The trooper relented because of orders. Aneirin began her normal examination promise. “No one else is going to do it, so let me be the first and last person to say I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” The man’s voice was raspy and cracked. 

“The way you were treated. As a medical professional I am ethically against it, as a person with a working human heart I am morally against it.” She tugged on her gloves and started work on his face, making small apologies for the sting. 

“You expect me to believe a First Order General is capable of finding torture reprehensible?” 

“You wouldn’t believe me if I said I don’t care what side people are on, if they need help. I had enough trouble convincing the people of Felusia Prime.” She had to stop her ministrations when the Resistance pilot leaned away, his eyes searching her face for some measure of receipt. 

“You… are Doctor Reader?” His gaze landed on the pin that was a permanent fixture on her coat, his eyes lit up. “Maker, you are! People talk about you, I thought you were some legend or propaganda scheme.” 

“I’m quite real. Didn’t realize I made such an impression.” After this, her patient was much more amenable, they even exchanged some jokes. When she was done she offered to pretend he needed more time so he could have a break from his undetermined stay in the detention center. At some point Poe, as she learned his name to be, started to play with a ring on a necklace that had hung around his neck. “That’s lovely.”

“Thank you, it was my mother’s. When I find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, I will give it to them.” 

“That’s romantic. I hope you find them soon and that you’ll have a long life together.” Aneirin smiled at him and he smiled back. 

“Who knew a First Order soldier could have such a pretty smile?” She laughed and blushed, looking at her hands in her lap. 

“I don’t know anything about that.” 

“So, General, if the war was over, what would you do?” She took a moment to gather her thoughts on the matter. 

“Well, assuming we were both alive, I would rush to Armitage and give him a big long kiss, even if it was on the bridge. And then I’d spend every waking moment trying to convince him to retire with me and move to my homeplanet. There I’d make him relax for once and enjoy life.” She chuckled to herself. “I’m going to need a lot of sunscreen, but at least he’d stop feeling out of place because of his hair.” 

“Armitage? The bridge?” Poe got a knowing smile on his face. “You’re in love with that asshole?” 

She sighed and her face turned dark. “Sometimes it’s like there’s something that… makes him do it. He admired my moral standings when we were in Academy, he only questions me in front of other people which I know is because he has to be the big bad General… I tell him about the relief efforts and he smiles and it’s real. But when I’m not there he gets weird ideas, his messages are worded strangely. Commander Ren does it too, but he compensates… I haven’t been able to figure out what it is.”

Poe actually gave her a sympathetic look. “Hey, I’m sorry, if that’s all true. I hope you find out what it is and can fix it, and that you both make it out of this war alive. And if you get captured, I’ll put in a good word.” 

Doctor Reader actually cried a little but she smiled and nodded. They spoke some more about their respective adventures and when she couldn’t put it off any longer, she relinquished him to the trooper Sergeant to be taken back to his cell. 

* * *

Everything was right in the universe for Aneirin Reader, until that day. The air was fresh and warm as if she’d just stepped out of a shuttle and into the sunshine beaming down on Corsaira. Captain Phasma continued to eat breakfast with her when she could and the doctor no longer a shook like leaf in her presence. She walked past Kylo Ren and his Knights like they were any normal person, nodding at them in greeting; one of them even nodded back once and it made her smile.

All because of General Armitage Hux. When they were both off their shift for the night they would share dinner and spend the night in his quarters. He didn’t mind when she kept an extra set of clothes in his drawers or the spare toothbrush with her preferred toothpaste and some spare hair clips. She started a habit of getting up before him to make him an actual breakfast and he eventually thanked her when he realized he had more energy during the day. Underneath her clothing she started wearing the necklace again, the weight reminding her of his hands like gentle supports keeping her standing straight. It felt amazing to finally be utterly happy and have someone to sleep next to some nights.

Once again she’s gotten used to him being dismissive of her when people were around; it was a matter of appearances. He made up for it in private; finding excuses to touch her, spending extra time pleasing her in bed, being there with her while he did reports and she read. Hux would come up with some reasons why he would come to the medbay just to talk to her, disguising his affection as discussions about bacta-tanks and performance reviews. He tried his best to make her comfortable being herself instead of expecting her to bury it in the name of being a commander.

So it came as a shock to Aneirin when his public dismissiveness bled into their private time and turned into extended periods of absence without telling her where he’d gone. She tried brushing it off, but it started to erode her confidence until one day he came to her bursting with excitement and manic energy. All he said to her was ‘this is what it has all been for, I will make you proud.’ Much of the crew, minus the medbay and a skeleton crew, was shuffled onto shuttles off the _Finalizer_ to land planetside. He gave the order for everyone left on the _Finalizer_ to watch out of the bridge viewports at a very specific time. So all of them gathered on the bridge and she stood at the front while Hux’s speech was broadcasted on one of the viewport windows.

“…as the last day of the last Republic!”

And so they watched as the system’s star grew dark, the light pulled into the planet. They watched as tendrils of red streaked out through the emptiness of space. Everyone stood in silence, waiting for whatever it was that had been planned to happen. Reports came in as the energy was seen passing other systems until finally she heard the names of planets now gone from the heavens, their death tolls listed with barely contained glee.

Doctor Reader stood around with the others, shocked enough that she gave brief responses and let herself be jostled. Everywhere she looked, skulls and wraiths greeted her, ghosts of the people she knew. The walls turned to bone and rotting wood, the air smelled of sulfur pits and burning flesh. Eventually she made some excuse to leave and went straight to her quarters. There reality finally flooded into her body, knees couldn’t support he weight any longer, and she was thankful for the nearby wastebasket as she vomited into it. It took her a long time to recover, but all of the calming techniques were useless after she received a message on her datapad: ‘this was for us; with the war over, I can devote my time to you. I hope I’ve made you proud.’

Her brain was firing on all cylinders; get off this ship. She was removing her things from the General’s quarters when an alarm sounded, but she ignored it. She started undressing to put on civilian clothing and her hand froze when it touched the necklace under her dress shirt. Like it had burned, she flicked it away onto her desk with a clatter that somehow terrified her. She had her case packed with her meager possessions but an urgent message came for her over the emergency system; she was needed in the medbay, Kylo Ren was critically injured.

Aneirin considered ignoring this alarm too, but she thought, ‘I can’t allow another death on my hands.’ Forgetting her case she ran through the halls and bursted into the medbay to be greeted by a flurry of nurses working on a figure she barely recognized as Ren. From the corner her eye she caught Hux staring and she did her best to block him out; the image of a skeleton wrapped in fire seared itself into her mind. She was panicked but her duty to the patient came first. She has him ready for the bacta-tanks before she started fleeing back out of the room. In the hallway a hand caught her elbow and, seeing those bone claws clutch at her, she ripped it away. Shadowed sockets with bright blue spheres for eyes burned down at her, yellow exposed jaws made approximations of words.

“You don’t even realize you’re a monster, do you?” she yelled in a terrified voice, words racing through her head. “What right did you have? To destroy a star? To destroy entire planets? Billions of lives, for what? The First Order? I hope you lose this war and that you burn on this ship of bones.”

Aneirin ran, holy fucking stars did she run. She ran even though her lungs hurt and she couldn’t breathe. She ran because the King of the Dead was at her back, had held her, shared her bed.

* * *

It was one thing that the kriffing rebels destroyed Starkiller Base, severely injured Kylo Ren, and almost got Captain Phasma killed. Thankfully Lieutenant Mitaka managed to secure her while General Hux recovered a barely conscious Ren. He dragged the man to medical himself, watched as his love did her thing, and then she snapped at him in the hallway. ‘She’s just stressed,’ he thought, ‘just like when she feels worthless like I do. She just needs to cool off. I’ll give her space.’

Hux was distracted by the aftermath of Starkiller, too much to notice that she was gone and not just in her room fighting some internal battle. They gave chase to the rebels and that awful pilot had the audacity to jerk him around on a chain, humiliating him in front of his crew. The last words out of the man’s comma somehow struck the deepest blow. “Say hi to that nice doctor for me, huh?” 

In a fit of anger he rushed to that nice doctor’s quarters; his need to be comforted after all of this failure was greater than her need to be isolated. He found the case packed to leave, her things scattered about, and what had hurt the most was the necklace sitting out in a careless heap on the desk. Her greatcoat, that he had gifted her after she’d said something about his, and her lab coat, still with the pin attached, laid on the bed having been stripped off with no intention of them being hung up properly. On the bedside table was the pendant that he’s knew belonged to his stepmother and the silver hair clip he’d given her and Hux knew that if he went to her office he’d find the flower paperweight still sitting out uselessly on the desk in sight of whoever sat at it. 

So a missing shuttle became less a casualty of the Rebel attack and more a deserter’s escape vehicle. Captain Phasma became more distraught as Hux consulted her on the doctor’s disappearance. Kylo Ren had made snarky remarks but had seemed off. With the aftermath of Starkiller mostly under control, the General devoted his efforts to finding his lover. While he searched records to find where the shuttle had landed or any passengers registered under her name, their last conversation ran itself in his mind on a continuous loop.

“Doctor, this doesn’t change anything, we’ll win the war and we can be together, always.” She’d said things that hadn’t made much sense to him, but still hurt. He’d let her go because he thought she needed to blow off steam, instead she’d run away so fast she’d forgotten her most special possessions. Hux kept them in his room and ran his hands over them in some vague hope that it would bring her back.

He’d discovered the shuttle had landed in a neighboring system and she’d purchased a ride on a freighter back to her home system. He couldn’t determine how or when she’d gotten there but he knew she was going home. Using his clout as a General he managed to have the trade-hub surveillance cameras scrubbed to find her arrival. When the confirmation came in he immediately made arrangements to go to Corsaira. 


	10. Fires and Legends

_Oceans deep and dragon's fire  
Make for sweet songs on skald's fine lyre. _

* * *

**General Hux was a nervous wreck** the whole ride to Corsaira; he was leaving his beloved _Finalizer_ behind in the care of Captains Peavey and Phasma, Kylo Ren still recovering and not exactly the best person to actually leave in charge of a star destroyer. The only thing that kept him from biting his nails, a bad habit that he thought he’d outgrown and had been beaten out of him, was his ever-present gloves. Instead he opened the bag that contained all of the precious things that had belonged to Doctor Reader; her pin, the diamond necklace, the silver hair clip, the wildflower paperweight, and of course his stepmother’s family pendant. He wanted to bring her great coat or lab coat, but a bag that could carry them would be too bulky, so he settled for stashing them in his quarters on the small personal craft. He’d come alone, not wanting to divert resources from the _Finalizer_ ’s new orders and above all else not wanting someone to see him if the weight of his loss broke the emotional resistance he’d relied on. The further he got from his ship, the clearer his thoughts became and the more they circled around the reality of what was happening. His goal became less winning the war and more winning back the woman he loved. ‘I didn’t tell her enough,’ he would think on his lonely trip. 

Arriving he was greeted by an armed First Order contingent and their Captain; he’d been initially confused as he was guided to the Order’s field office. “I apologize, General. I take it you’re looking for someone of great importance, so I’ll assume you’re going out into that barbaric mess.” The Captain lit a cigar as he moved behind his desk. Hux confirmed his assumption. “Then I’d suggest you take some civilian clothes from the quartermaster. The natives are… restless.”

“I haven’t heard of any uprisings.” Corsairans were notably anti-war, but they lacked the strength and numbers to actually do anything about it. It was easy to keep strict monitoring of the airspace since there were only two star ports and hardly anyone had personal crafts that were space-worthy, so there was little suspicion of rebel activity. What little anti-First Order activity there was consisted more of ‘youths acting out’ and planetary independence than pro-Republic stances. The native population worked almost seamlessly with its planetary government, it was the Order they had an issue with, ever since their subjugation in 9ABY. Hux recalled bringing the subject up with Aneirin and he received the cold shoulder for a week until he apologized with a replica of an ancient Corellian relic. 

“No, but… you’ll see, Sir.” He didn’t appreciate not being told, it made him think the man wasn’t doing his job, but for a Captain to act such a way with him probably meant this was what it took to work with the Corsairans.

He did see. Or rather, he didn’t see.

Once out of the starport, every face was covered with a featureless mask and every light was extinguished except those carried in small lanterns. He received what he assumed were wary glances at his lack of a mask, but he wasn’t accosted, to his relief. It wouldn’t exactly be appropriate or good for the native people of a First Order General got in a scrap in the capital. No one spoke; the only noises were the shuffling of feet and the swish of cloth. There were no speeders or ships in the sky, no mechanical sounds or whines. Hux didn’t realize how fresh and pure the air smelled until he was straining with all of his senses to take in the world. There was the scent of fire and flowers on the wind.

In the distance he’d seen a large source of light, so he picked his way through the crowds towards it. There, in a large square, were six spheres. One, the largest and in the center, was the source of light as it blazed. Hux recognized the others vaguely as the planets that had been chosen for Starkiller, Hosnian Prime chief among them.. He watched, amazed and horrified, as the faceless people inserted pieces of paper into the balls through little holes. Eventually one of them went up in flames, the glow illuminating the buildings surrounding the square. A protocol droid, a rare thing on Corsaira according to his main source of information, stood nearby, so he made his way to it; in its hands were pieces of paper and sticks of charcoal.

“What is going on here?” The protocol droid didn’t recognize his rank, seeing as he’d changed into plain civilian clothing, but it had undoubtedly noticed that he spoke in Basic and not a planetary dialect. 

“Sir, this is a ceremony for those who’ve perished in the recent planetary extinctions. Citizens write messages for the dead and their loved ones and place it in the braziers until they are full, and then they are set on fire.”

“How many times has this happened?”

“Each brazier has been lit 5 times since the ceremony began.”

“And the masks?”

“They represent the dead; it is a sign of respect; so that the dead may look out into the world one last time.” Hux looked at the braziers again before taking a piece of paper and charcoal. His hands shook and his chest felt tight. On it he wrote: ‘I am sorry. It cannot bring you back, I will live with this forever, but I am sorry.’ Into a brazier it went, but he didn’t stay around to wait for it to burn. He had many things he had to see for himself.

It was late, the last bit of sunlight still creating a light blue glow on the horizon, which meant Hux didn’t exactly know what he was going to do next. If all else failed he could return to the First Order office to be given a room for the night and undoubtedly access to some information, but his feet first took him to the Corsairan Administrative Building nestled at Malarra’s heart at the base of a hill. Vaguely he could make out that on that hill was a building and he knew from Aneirin’s story of her first time in the capital that it was the Crath Palace, the estate of the ducal family. Sebastian Crath, the heir to the throne, had been a close friend of the doctor’s, even maintaining some communication over the years, and so it would make sense to ask the man first if he’d seen her. 

Hux had expected the building to be locked for the night but the door came open at his touch. If it had been daylight and he wasn’t pressed for time, he would’ve taken the time to appreciate the architecture. Inside was dimly lit, either out of respect or because of the hour, but he was still able to find the main desk with a small older woman sitting behind it, tapping away at a data terminal. Her face lit up with a smile at the sight of him and he managed at least a small quirk of one side of his mouth in return. “ _How can I help you, Sir?_ ”

“ _I apologize_ , I don’t know Corsairan enough to carry this conversation.” He felt a little embarrassed, that he’d spent so much time pining after a woman and he barely learned her language. She’d probably been thankful that his native tongue was Basic so she didn’t have to learn another alien language, but given how she could pick apart different dialects he had confidence that she would’ve learned a new language easily. 

“That’s alright, sir, I can speak Basic just fine. Now, how can I help you?” The woman seemed perfectly nonplussed about switching to Basic, which relieved some of the weight on Hux’s conscience. He went into his jacket pocket to retrieve a photograph he’d printed out at the First Order office after he’d changed clothes; the updated portrait of Aneirin when she received the rank of General shortly before he had. 

“I’m looking for someone, I know she came back to this planet but I’m not sure where she would’ve gone once she landed.” The woman took the photograph from him and recognition was plain on her face, which gave Hux hope.

“Yes, Little Aneirin Reader. Well, I guess I should say General Reader now. I remember talking to her before she left for Academy. And of course they broadcasted the recording of her being made General.” She gave the photograph a long look before handing it back to him, an apologetic look on her face. “But I’m afraid I haven’t seen her since. I’m sorry, Sir.”

“That’s unfortunate. I know that she was friends with Prince Sebastian, when they were children and they have been in contact for a long time. Is there any way I can speak to him?” The woman have his appearance an appraising look. “I am a General as well, I worked with Aneirin. I was advised to wear civilian clothes in light of the…” 

Hux didn’t know if the broadcast from Starkiller had made it to Corsaira, or at the very least to the common folk. Obviously they had known the result but no one seemed to recognize him, including this woman. She made a sad sigh and shifted some papers on her desk as a distraction. “Yes, quite the tragedy…”

“It really was. But I’m here to make sure nothing more happens.” The woman gave him a questioning look. “That’s why I need to find General Reader.”

“Prince Sebastian is at their summer estate, near Finndale where I believe Miss Reader was from. Duke Crath is home but I am not sure if he is open to receiving visitors at this time. I can ask, but it may take some time.” He’d hoped that the answer to his problem would’ve been closer but of course this would be no easy task. So he asked politely for word to be sent that he wished to call on the duke and in the meantime he wandered about the public areas of the Administrative Building. 

The most interesting of which was the art and history museum; it was only a small portion collection compared to what other cities had to offer, but it was considered the most meaningful. It had once contained all of the riches and finery of The Star Empress of Corsaira, Semine. Now it was missing just one piece. That piece was present, just not in a display case. 

The necklace he inspected alongside the rest of the original set was a replica and next to a plaque that listed the pieces and their donors was an electronic screen. Hux switched the display to Basic and read through all of the information, information he already knew, but the last page was new to him. It explained why the necklace shown was a replica, that someone had purchased it with the stipulation that the money be used to bring bacta technology to their hospital. While the sum offered was exorbitant, what actually swayed the planet’s decision to release the artifact was that the recipient was a known Corsairan who would later become the object of almost unanimous pride as a shining example to the galaxy. 

Hux’s heart grew heavy and emotion caused a lump in his throat to burn. He’d purchased the necklace after he received the rest of his father’s stashed fortune, the combined sum of that and his stepmother’s accounts that he inherited upon her death shortly after the start of Academy allowed him to offer what he thought was not actually a fair price. He’d expected to be turned down, having known the people to go so far as to disregard the advancement of the population in order to maintain the natural beauty of the planet and the abundant ancient cultures. Corsaira was rich in kyber crystals, valuable ores, and other precious materials. Smugglers and pirates had tried numerous times to steal even the trees, but where the government and natives failed to keep them away, the planet itself seemed to thwart them. 

Aneirin had left the most valuable thing to her planet and people behind. Of all the things he’d expected her to take with her, it should’ve been that, but standing in front of its replacement Hux realized that he’d been a fool and never told her it was real. When he’d made the decision to withhold that information, it had been to make sure she appreciated the thoughtfulness of his gift and not the value of it. There had also been the potential that she would’ve refused it and sent it back to Corsaira, which would’ve broken his heart in the moment, even if he understood her reluctance. When he was considering giving the piece back, seeing as the recipient obviously no longer wanted it, he heard the soft voice of the older woman from the reception desk. “Duke Crath has invited you to sit with him and has offered you the option of staying the night in the palace, General Hux.” 

His words failed him so he simply nodded in response. A royal guard escorted him up the hill, the path beautifully cobbled and framed by perfectly maintained gardens full of fragrant flowers and full shady trees. In daylight Hux would find the view stunning, but at the time he hung his head, feeling a little bit like a man walking to his execution. Not a single thing about his time on the planet so far indicated that he was in any danger or was threatened in any way, he just had a cloud of guilt hanging over him. It was as if the planet itself was made to shame him. 

**Why did I make such a thing?**

_It needed to be made, to carry on the legacy of the Empire, to further the goal of the First Order._

**Why did I give the order? I could’ve stopped it.**

_Someone else would have, why not the glory be yours?_

**It wasn’t glory, it was slaughter!**

_You always were a weak-willed little boy inside. That foolish woman made sure you’d stay that way._

**No! I won’t listen to you!**

_Useless piece of paper._

_Redheaded bastard._

_Unwanted child._

**I won’t li**

“The Duke will see you in his office, General.” The guard interrupted his internal struggle with the stilted Basic and Hux’s mind returned to just one voice as he was lead to the room in question. The palace itself was richly decorated without being gaudy or overdone; most of everything was an antiquity of some sort and everything was perfectly spaced out. Everything had its place. He could appreciate that. When he entered through heavy oak doors, years of conditioning had his spine rod-straight and he almost saluted at the sight of a strong male figure behind the desk. With heavy steps the general approached, not blind to the sharp steel look in the man’s eyes at the sight of his guest. With a nod the guard left, shutting the door behind him. 

“Duke Crath, I-“ He we cut off by the raising of a hand. 

“My entire planet is on edge, General, forgive me but I would like to spare the pleasantries. I haven’t the patience, what with your outpost practically bunkering themselves and every Magi preparing for the worst like animals before a storm.” The salt-and-pepper haired man swallowed what was left of his drink and got up to refill it from a nearby bar. “I know what you are here for and you’ll need a drink.” 

Hux took the offered drink with a small thanks and sipped it; he recognized the taste from an unlabeled bottle he was given. “I’m hoping to-“

“Find General Reader, yes. Unfortunately for the both of us, I cannot help you. At least not in that regard.” The man swallowed his drink in one go and put the glass on the bar to be cleaned up later. 

“Duke, I-“

“Frederick, General.”

“Frederick, I take it you don’t know where she is at all.” 

“She’s here, on this planet. Where on the planet I have no clue. Which is a bad sign.” On long legs he strode over to a globe that sat between two bookcases. Upon touching its surface it came to life, not by holoimage but by a light from his very touch. “There are very few reasons for a custodian to not be able to find something on this planet; the thing has perished, the thing is of a higher order of existence, or the thing has become beholden to destiny. The last thing I failed to find was my father; I thought him dead, but he gained a higher purpose. Of that I am unsure. With the tension in the planet, I do not like the idea of any of these options for Miss Reader. Neither does my oldest son and so he’s been scouring the countryside like a fool, hoping something will turn up.” 

“I don’t particularly like the sound of those explanations either.” Hux’s heart clenched both at the thought of her being gone and the throbbing pain of ever-present guilt. “I assume this change in Corsaira is because of… recent galactic events.” The duke must have heard through the attempt to hide the emotion in the general’s voice, because when he looked at him next his striking blue eyes softened. “So it is true. In some way.”

“Excuse me?” 

“I apologize.” Frederick took the empty glass from his hand to refill it, earning Hux’s thanks again. “Aneirin speaks of you to Sebastian and in an attempt to get a glimmer of possibilities of her fate, I had combed through their correspondence. She’d felt as if she was working against something in you, in people you work with. A candle in a deep darkness.”

“I don’t know what she means.” He had a vague idea of what she meant; the voice that degraded him, the voice that had been there since he was a child and he’d assumed was the voice of his self-preservation, the evidence of the dark scar on his very being. That voice was a distant memory when he was in the doctor’s presence and Hux had gleaned from others that they had felt something similar as well. A healing aura, a warmth. A light against the darkness. After a while he’d even seen her have an effect on Ren, once the petulant child of a man finally stopped harassing her. In moments of clarity, the General could see his own actions were sometimes similar; the sudden urge to force her away, to squash what he was feeling like a pest, to make her fear him just so she would avoid him. 

“You don’t know what she is, do you?” Frederick looked down into Hux’s eyes before retrieving a book from its place and handing it to him. “A Remnant. They are like the Magi, but they possess only one manifestation of the Bond- I’m sorry, the Force. But that one thing they do very well. Remnants with passive abilities like Aneirin’s usually go unnoticed, as she did until she met your Commander Ren. She is immune to manipulations of the mind through the Force and I believe an effect of that is people around her are also protected. The minutia of her power wouldn’t be well known without thorough examination by someone skilled in testing a person’s potential.”

“Is that a possibility of why she is here?” Hux grew hopeful but the look on the man’s face told him he somehow knew better. 

“You tell me, General.” He knew that tone, someone of authority who could read people better than Hux could hide himself. It left him feeling like an open book, the spine of which was quickly cracked and worn soft as he recounted the last moments he had with his beloved. “A woman like that would have an extreme reaction to what… happened, yes. It stands to reason that the thing that brought her here was rooted in emotion and not logic. This isn’t desertion, at least not knowingly.”

“If she did desert… I would do everything in my power to let her.” It was difficult for Hux to admit that if she wanted to go, he would want to let her. The thought of her being chased across the galaxy just to be executed for desertion was too much for him to bear. He’d rather face a Republic firing squad. “At the very least I want to know what happened to her and to return her things.”

“Very noble of you. Of course, you are the man who bought the singularly most expensive thing on this planet with the stipulation the money be used to further our healthcare system.” Frederick looked him up and down, a small smile playing at the edge of his lips. “She had quite the effect, didn’t she? Backwater planet indeed…” 

Hux was offered a room in the palace to sleep, a room that was saved for guests and at one time had been used by a young Aneirin when she was given the opportunity to visit. He was curious about everything there was to be seen but the most interesting was a boy that had passed them in the hallway. He knew that it was much more common here but to see a child with strawberry-blonde hair pulled back in a high ponytail astounded him. The General stood and watched as the boy walked past them; blindfolded, he carried two delicate cups filled with hot tea balanced upon two sticks, gliding down and navigating the hall as if there was nothing strange about it. 

“I must apologize.” Frederick’s voice broke Hux of his wonderment. “As I said before, the Magi have been tense and strange. My grandson Ewan has been no exception.”

“It’s quite alright. I only wish that was the worst I had to deal with when it came to Force Users.” He received a chuckle in response. The room was cozy but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, not without Aneirin in the bed beside him. To occupy him, if only for a little bit, he took out each item from his bag and turned them over in his hands one at a time. It seemed as if his heart would never stop hurting as he remembered how much he agonized over everything he gave her, how he’d helped her pick out a gift for her father, how desperately Hux wished he’d known so he could have said something to her when the man died. Pacing around the room he thought about all of the things he’d missed about her life; how he didn’t know about the extent of her actions in the station skirmish until he’d been woken from sleep one night by the sound of her crying. How she could’ve possibly gone so long without knowing another person’s touch; had she waited for him, which would make him feel guilty for not waiting for her, or was she not only immune to Force mindtricks but the human need for sex as well? 

Hux felt another press of guilt as he desperately wished to read the book the duke had offered him, but of course it had not been translated into Basic. Hardly anything had; for a while he had to make do with what little had been available from the outpost records and then what little Aneirin had time to translate. It was difficult to understand where Corsaira’s isolation of their culture ended and where the galaxy’s disinterest in their culture began, but he was determined one day to be able to hold a conversation with her in her own language. It was simply unfair that she catered to him and everyone else in the First Order by forcing her thoughts through translation, as fluent as it was, with him only being able to say simple phrases. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him, that he was questioning the most easily-spread ideals of the First Order for love. 

In the morning he was exhausted but it was nothing new to him, he never rested well before he had the good fortune to ask Aneirin to stay the night in his quarters. With the clarity of the morning sun he looked out through his window and tried to memorize the view; a beautiful garden dutifully tended with vibrant flowers and verdant plants, fountains from beautiful stone set in elaborate ponds, and at the back of it all was possibly the biggest and oldest tree Hux had ever laid eyes upon. He asked a passing family member how old it was, apparently it dated back to the Imperial Age, a chamber at the heart of its roots the Tomb of the Fire King. The entire hill that the palace stood on was the burial mound of Empress Semine, thought given the time that had passed, Hux had a hard time believing the tombs had not given way if they existed at all. But of course, he didn’t have time now to devote to seeing all there was to see in Malarra; he had someone to find. 

After a sedate breakfast and a walk back down to the Administrative Building, another secretary helped him with a map of the surrounding region. She was undoubtedly younger but given the nameplate on the circular desk Hux assumed that the two were related in some way. He was also provided a translation guide and container of purified water to take with him. The trip would be long on foot, he’d been warned, but people coming and going were sure to give him small rides in between. When a seat on a horse-drawn cart was offered, he used the opportunity to ask about General-Doctor Reader but her picture was only recognized by people who had seen her as a child. With little to talk about with locals who barely knew Basic, he would pour over the map and translation guide. It reminded him of being that young Lieutenant-turning-Captain learning enough to send his love a gift. 

Dropped off at the fork in the road, he bid the man a rough Corsairan goodbye and received a hearty laugh with a wave. Looking at the looming woods, Hux checked the map again just to make sure this was the correct way. Never before had he seen a forest with trees that blocked out the sun as if it didn’t exist. The dirt road was peppered with spots of light to guide the way, but all around was a gloomy darkness. From the look of the map, the forest was deep and unavoidable without spending a considerable amount of time; he was reminded of a story Aneirin had shared with him that involved this forest and its supposed creation, but given his lack of arboreal knowledge he only saw the forest and not the trees. 

Straightening the straps of his pack and unscrewing his water bottle, he marched on. Alone in the quiet place he caught sight of wildlife he’d never seen before, but had heard of from the doctor or seen in some of her photo albums. Beautiful birds, small furry creatures, a majestic white thing with large lofty antlers. He was watching it intently as it stared back at him, giving his legs the time to rest, when a series of loud sounds from behind him scared the animal. Hux barely had time to turn around to face it before his body was thrown to the ground, his whole existence, physical and whatever supernatural presence dictated the miracle of life, felt the impact. 

His vision swam, a great weight crushing his body into the earth, his ears filled with a terrifying shriek like two opposing voices fighting to be the one heard, high wails and low roars at the same time. Sight returning, he was faced with something he would expect to see in a nightmare. Its face the stripped-bare and sun-bleached skull of a much larger relative of the white stag he’d been observing, its body so black it held no shadows to define where it started and ended. The weight on his chest was from its massive hand, clawed in razor-sharp bone, and he felt it dig into his skin through his clothing. From its antlers hung vines decorated with human skulls, staring at him with their glowing sockets and jawless grins. He was suffocating and terrified but he couldn’t look away from the two balls of blue flame that were the monster’s eyes. Its mouth grew closer to him and from it he could hear clicking as the thing breathed in the scent of his blood. Hux could feel the bone in his arm snap under the pressure and he cried out, causing the beast to shriek more. One of its claws brushed his cheek, almost as a tender gesture, but the sharp edge left a cut along his cheekbone. Its eyes seemed to flicker as it watched his whimpering form underneath its bulk.

“ _Back off, foul beast! Come on now, go back to where you came from!_ ” He didn’t fully understand the words, but he knew enough to know that he was being helped. The weight lifted and Hux heard the shaking of the trees, felt the vibration of the ground, as the monster ran away. Still too afraid to move and in a considerable amount of pain, he lied there still pressed into the dirt until an intimidatingly large and muscular man, reddish beard braided with small decorations and dark blond hair pulled back, came into his vision. His eyes reminded the general of the doctor.

“ _Hello, I’m from… the stars?_ ” He hadn’t quite gotten used to the nuances of Corsairan greetings, but it was enough for the man to grasp. 

“Can you… move?” By his thick accent and lumbering cadence, Hux could tell the man didn’t have much exposure to Basic, but maybe it would do for now. He tried sitting up and he hissed at the sharp pain of weight being put on his broken arm, but with a strong hand under his armpit he was able to get to his feet. The stranger picked up his pack, thrown in the tumbler, and strapped it to his own back. Pride told him to insist on walking the rest of the way, but he was instead lifted up as if he weighed no more than a feather. His savior started to go down the road. “Way were you go?” 

“To… Fin… Finndale?” He tried to get his bearings, but in the confusion he’d lost which way looked correct. The man simply nodded and continued his walk, keeping a tight grip on Hux. “Oh, no, I don’t want to burden you. I can walk.” 

“Help is as I do.” Hux was marveled at how much he could hear the Doctor’s accent in this man, even if he was only able to use broken sentences. When she was particularly drunk or angry, her deliberate neutralized Basic turned into a thick slew of words punctuated by curses and slang. He tried his best to speak Corsairan, but he soon found he was just as terrible at it and was thankful that his savior laughed jovially and corrected him instead of using a familiar mocking tone. He finally understood how Aneirin could be so kind and giving. He shook his head quickly as he remembered the photo in his pocket.

“ _Do you… know… Aneirin?_ ” His accent was atrocious but his companion’s eyes immediately lit up at the sight.

“Aneirin! All grown.” Hux was brimming with excitement. 

“Yes! Have you seen her, like this?” The wind was pulled from his sails when the man sadly shook his head. 

“My cousin, have not saw her since kids. My regrets.” They passed the remainder of their time in silence as his savior started up a light jog. Hux wasn’t sure how much longer they had to go, but he was grateful when he caught sight of the sun illuminating the end of the road ahead. His eyes watered at the change in brightness, but when he could finally see again, he couldn’t hide his wonder at the countryside before him. 

At the top of a hill they stood, overlooking rolling knolls of golden grain and tall green grass swaying in the gentle breeze. A river like a necklace of blue diamonds sparkled in the sunlight as it came through the valley in a lazy arc and broke over small waterfalls. In the distance he could see where mountains, towering over the fields, joined the earth, sticking out like rocky spears peppered with trees and cliffs. From its peaks the river flowed, a misty cloud forming at the bottom of its impressive fall. The smell of wildflowers filled the air and the sun felt warm and comforting on his face. They continued on their journey and Hux watched as small modest homes arranged in circles, a plume of smoke in the center, came into view. From a distance he watched as the villagers milled around preparing and decorating tables of food and the fronts of homes. As they approached, people turned to stare and called out things that he couldn’t understand. 

Eventually he was dipped as his carrier ducked under a doorway and he was put down on a wooden chair. 

“ _Elder!_ ” His companion called, and from the other room came a wizened old man in dark-colored cotton robes. The doctor’s cousin spoke quickly as the other gathered up some supplies from a creaking cabinet. Without much explanation or ceremony, a clay cup of something was shoved into Hux’s good hand and he was encouraged to drink. It was bitter, but he was used to strong bitter things. A sharp knife started to remove his shirt sleeve and he winced as the broken bone was prodded. The younger man continued to speak in Corsairan as the bone was reset and splinted and Hux could hear Aneirin’s name said several times. With a gentle pat, the old man was done. 

“I’m sorry, young man, but we haven’t seen our Aneirin since she went away to the Academy. But maybe Duke or Lord Crath have heard from her, if you think she’s here.” The Elder gingerly sat down in a mismatched chair and, with a few words, the cousin nodded his head in respect to both of them and left the cottage. “At least the Lord will be here tonight for the celebrations, you can ask him then. It shouldn’t be more than a few hours.” 

“Thank you… I know she is on Corsaira. It’s just a question of where. I thought she would come here, if anywhere. I’ve already spoken to Frederick in Malarra, he didn’t have much good news for me.” Hux fingered the photo of her, the image of it making his heart hurt. He put it back in his pocket to keep it from reducing him to tears. “I need to bring her back.” 

“Why did she leave?” Hux began to explain, but he found that the more he spoke the more guilt dug into his heart again. He could feel its dark tendrils wrapping around him and slowly squeezing the life out of him. The old man nodded, not having much to say on the matter. “It is fate that you showed up today.” 

“Why is that?” 

“Tonight we celebrate the life of those who died in that system. I imagine you also saw the celebration in the capital.” The general looked at the ground briefly in shame before a knobby hand patted him on the shoulder. Instead of continuing the current discussion, Hux grabbed for his pack sitting by his feet and pulled out the few pieces of the doctor’s personal items that he thought might convince her that she meant so much to him. “That pipe was her father’s. I’m glad to see it had gotten to her.” 

“She actually uses it, I suppose it reminds her of home.” He didn’t rightly have a home and for that he envied her and these people. Hux watched as the man turned over the items in his hands, paying special care to the necklace. Inspecting the sparkling gems and delicate filigree, his eyes grew wide. “This is no replica.” 

“No, it’s not.” 

“She doesn’t know. She wouldn’t have left without it. It would be too precious.” He already knew that but every time it was said it felt more real. It was precisely laid back into its box before being placed with the other items. For the next few hours the man talked about the Reader family and he even showed Hux their old home. Currently it was given to one of her cousins and would be hers if she had ever decided or had the opportunity to come home. It was distinctly devoid of most things that belonged to the three-member family but he knew that was because over time it had been shipped back to her to be put up in her quarters and office. 

Still, he could feel an energy radiate through the hand-hewn walls and floors; standing in the room that had been hers but was now waiting for the arrival of a child, he could imagine her sitting in the small bed reading books by candlelight. Sometimes he dreamed of a life where he was beside her in her stories; getting lost in mountains only to be saved by dragons, wandering the woods to meet magical creatures, and helping with the harvests. The occupants were still family and so in the peripherals of photographs he could still see her and her family, recognizing them from her photo albums. It amazed Hux how little she had changed, only her face and the angles of her body shifting as she aged but she didn’t look all that different, still small and soft. 

He was standing in front of her family’s headstones alone while the elder spoke to another villager. Hux knew which was which from his study of their alphabet but also the symbols etched into the stone; her mother’s bore the mark of a sheaf of wheat and the twisting vines of the Healer’s symbol while her father’s had a mechanic’s tool and a bounty of harvest vegetables. Tracing their names with an ungloved finger his mind wandered, remembering that day at Academy when Aneirin received the news of her mother’s death and he’d let her cry her soul out to him. Sometimes he still felt the sting of his father’s hand on his face and the smell of the ointment she’d brought him. It had hurt him to be as cruel as he was then, he wished he could take it back, apologize properly and make it up to her, but it was too late. He regretted not being there for her when her father died, but he’d lost sight of her in favor of his own climb up the ranks. Hux felt worse as he realized that he’d won his rank with the weapon that claimed so many lives while she’d earned hers by saving countless more. He’d essentially cancelled out all of her hard work and effort, he’d been the antithesis to her endless compassion. 

“General Hux.” The voice was smooth and cultured, like the well-manicured and practiced accent he heard in the medbay. Its owner was handsome: tall, muscled, well-dressed, good posture, neat blond hair, and a perfect smile. 

“Lord Crath.” Hux stood to his full height, but he was still a few inches smaller than the new face. This man laughed happily, as if he’d been told a good joke, and waved his gloved hand dismissively. His smile was dazzling; the General wouldn’t have been surprised if the doctor had hidden some childhood love affair between the two of them. 

“A friend of Aneirin can call me Sebastian, if they so like, though she liked to give me all sorts of nicknames herself. Titles are stuffy things.” With an extended arm he was invited to join the other man on a walk back towards the village where the sound of music and the smell of food filled the air. 

“She does seem to enjoy calling people, and things, by anything but their proper names.” His heart throbbed with a pain he got whenever he thought of her fondly. “And personifying things.”

“‘Where does this live,’ right? As if she’s going to put a spanner down for a nap.” The two men chuckled to themselves as they walked, not exactly in any hurry but it was difficult to go slowly with such long legs. “An was always my favorite because she was unafraid to treat me like a normal person; unsurprisingly not many people will put up a fair fight against the heir to the throne. She was quite the little wrestler when she wasn’t the smallest person around.”

“I’m certain she would put up quite the fight still if life depended on it, but she has a good number of people to do the fighting for her now.” Hux shifted his broken arm in its sling, looking out over fields of wildflowers bathed in the warm glow of a setting sun. “She had much to say about you when it came to the subject of her childhood.”

“Oh, I’m sure, we were practically inseparable during the summer months. I considered her parents my second set, they’d been more than happy to take care of another child.” Sebastian snorted a laugh. “And I tired their daughter out before bed, which was considered a blessing to not hear her trying to have something to do in the middle of the night.”

“The next time she berates me for not sleeping enough, I will have to remember that.” 

Hux wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting from a Corsairan ‘life celebration’ but it seemed to involve a surplus of music, dancing, food, and most importantly alcohol. There were lines of barrels, some beer, others wine or a strong liquor; it reminded him of the night he’d caught his cadet companion dancing and drinking in the gardens, how she’d fallen asleep on his shoulder. She surely would’ve been one of the revelers tonight, but she was nowhere to be seen. Lord Sebastian led him around, explaining the foods that the general didn’t immediately recognize and helping him load a wooden plate. The man filled for him a mug of beer and led him away to quieter tables set out on the dirt paths running throughout the village. 

“It pains me to say, but no one has heard from or seen Aneirin. I know that she is on Corsaira but for all my trouble I have not been able to find her. She isn’t here or in Malarra, that’s for certain.” The handsome man took large gulps of his beer while Hux bit into a piece of roasted meat. “Though, as I hear it, she didn’t exactly come as her normal self. A distraught person would do anything.” 

He felt the shame bubble back up into his throat, making it impossible to respond. Instead, he filled the void with beer. It was actually good, not something he would drink just to be intoxicated. “There’s nowhere else she might go?”

“Well, there is the Home of the Mountain Mothers, which would’ve been my next stop given how she enjoyed the company of your mother and-“

“Excuse me?” Sebastian’s dark eyebrows drew in and his mouth scrunched every which way as he chose his worse carefully.

“Did you not know that your mother spent much of her life here? Aneirin had been so excited, I assumed she told you if she would divulge such information to me. I apologize for being the one to tell you now, of all times.” The man lit a cigarette and took one out for the general, lighting it for him as well. Hux was thankful as he could see the lit end of the cigarette quiver with the shake in his hand. 

“Wait, ‘spent?’” The look in the other man’s eyes told him all he needed to know and Hux shrank where he sat. “If she tried to tell me, I never heard it. She once told me she sent me countless communiques that I don’t recall ever seeing.”

“An probably didn’t bring your mother back up because she thought your silence meant you didn’t want to speak about it. Wouldn’t be totally out of the question.” They both took a long draw of their cigarettes and Sebastian sighed. “I used to think the world of her. Well, I still do, wherever she is. A lot of this village is as you see it because of her. It wasn’t always so nice.” 

“I knew she sent money home, when we were on the same ship.” Hux picked up a small sweet he had recognized from the treats the young cadet had shared with him. He had a difficult time holding back a tear of nostalgia. “I didn’t realize it was so badly needed.” 

“My family did its best, as did a lot of families that live nearby, but there’s only so much. They get by, though, much better after that one harsh winter, when the fledgling First Order blockaded our airspace so the system couldn’t render aid. But we’re tougher than the galaxy thinks we are.” Hux knew the story more from his fellow general than the tiny blip Corsaira had been in First Order history. “No one starves, no one freezes to death. It’s hard to imagine that the Dead King’s Mark is just on the other side of those hills.” 

“I don’t believe I know that story.” Sebastian took another pull of beer and finished his cigarette so he could light another. 

“It’s an old one, it’s the origin story of the Star Empress. I’m sure you know that one.

"The King of the Dead started off as Olaf the Third, who crowned himself the “Fire King.” He, unsurprisingly, loved to set things and people ablaze, right tyrant. The land knew peace, for a while and tenuous as it was. Until a little settlement stood up, after the king decreed that no one in his realm could practice their ancient rites, and said ‘we want to be our own people.’ That wouldn’t do, he had to have total control. So he marched his army to their village. First he dragged them out of their homes, the men went first so there was no one to fight back. Then the children, so he could hear the wailing of the women. Then of course he burned every stick and blade of grass to the earth. He dug up their dead, ground up their bones, and scattered them to the winds. They furrowed deep into the earth and filled it with sea water, salting the earth into oblivion. Nothing grows, even now. The neighboring towns had been forced to come watch, and in their midst was Semine, the future Star Empress. 

"All of that is verifiably true. The legend comes in that Semine cursed the King and his Men as they boarded their ships. The ship turned to bones, their sail made of rotting skins. Their flesh rotted off, leaving them walking skeletons. The king earned his name; cloaked in flame, his grinning skull struck terror into everyone who looked upon him, his eyes were two blue lights in black sockets. Of course, they were cursed to never know that this was their fate. When their wives and children ran away screaming, they never knew why. Guilt found them quicker for some than others. Many fell on their own swords, jumped from the battlements, and hung themselves in their homes. While his army was slowly withering, Semine raised hers from the angered masses and marched on the capital. Standing at the gates, she delivered to them a message: if they wished for their curse to be undone and their guilt erased, every single one of them had to join her against The Fire King. 

"Those who refused were killed by their fellows. The king stood alone in his castle, the ruler of only bones and corpses. She never laid a finger on him; he threw himself from the highest tower. She left his body to rot on the rocks below, pecked clean by birds. She took up his bones and buried him in the deepest crypt below the castle, under the Life Tree.” 

Hux had felt his chest tighten as Sebastian told his story, Aneirin’s last words to him echoing in his mind. He was thankful that he was given a moment alone as the other took his plate and their mugs to refill them. Worrying at his splinted arm, his green eyes stared into the nearby flame of a lantern. One day they’d been in love, everything was perfect, and the next she’d referred to him as the worst person she could think of. His heart felt like a black hole, sucking in and crushing every happy memory he had, leaving only a hollow shell made of his misguided ambitions. He was thanking the Resistance in his mind for reducing Starkiller to space dust. It would be difficult to explain to Supreme Leader Snoke why he would destroy it himself. His eyes started to sting, hot tears welled up and dripped down his sharp cheeks to splatter on the table like rain. 

“Hey, it’ll be alright. We’ll find her.” An embroidered linen handkerchief found its way into his hand and he used it to hide his face. He tried his best to calm himself, but it was as if every tear he’d forced back in his life, every sob he choked down, was finding their revenge. Silent tears turned to sniffling which turned into shaking cries. A strong hand gripped his far shoulder while the other was brought against a firm chest. A glass was pushed into his free hand and he drank it in one swallow, the burn feeling like just a drop in the bucket compared to the pain he expected to feel. He was given another and it went just as quickly. It eventually did help him return to his normal composure. “So, when did you say she landed?”

“A few weeks ago, possibly a month.” 

“Hm, quite a long time to be silent… I forgot to ask, what happened to the wing?” Sebastian shook his arm to emphasize his point. Hux recounted the story of the terrifying beast and his rescue. “Ah, that lesh is fairly new, someone told me the blade looked fresh.” 

“And what is a lesh, exactly?” 

“Ah, it is a relic of the ancient power, if you believe in that sort of thing. It is a great spirit that is born when a person feels so much grief and regret that it tears apart their soul, leaving behind that wicked thing wailing with pain. That is why they have a sword embedded in their body. As they age, they grow bigger, the sword sinks into them, and when the blade is gone they can’t be made whole again. I think that one showed up a few—“ He trailed off, scrunching his face up in concentration. Hux was sure he knew what the man was going to say, but didn’t want to hear him say it. “-a few weeks ago…”

The general thought he would start crying again if he had anything left in him. It didn’t keep his shoulders from shaking. “You said they could be… cured?” 

“I mean, that’s the story. I always assumed they were just a rare species. We’d have to ask someone who knows more about those things.” Hux got up quickly, but his elbow was caught by his companion. “Hold on, let’s not be brash.” 

“The love of my life is some massive grief beast roaming the forest because I am a horrible person who ordered the deaths of billions of people because the voice in my head that’s helped me survive this entire time said it was a good idea and no one told me no, so now she hates me and I’d rather die than leave her like that!” Blue eyes stared at him in shock before Sebastian also stood up. 

“Ok, but we’re getting more liquor, I’m too sober for this.” At the line of kegs he watched a bottle of the amber liquid be snatched and stuffed into a coat pocket. Through the houses they meandered, avoiding dancing couples and more tables. In the dark they picked their way along a dirt path; in the distance a light burned. A small rundown cottage sat on the knoll overlooking the babbling river, the grass around it teeming with strange plants and flowers, the smell of animals unseen offended Hux’s senses. Sebastian knocked on the rotting door with his bottle of liquor. “ _Warlock! Open up!_ ”

The door creaked open and, without being invited, the noble stooped to fit under the doorway. Hux followed only to look behind the door to see no one there having opened it. It slowly creaked closed and a hunched man in black robes came out from behind a covered doorway. “ _What is it, little lord?_ ”

Hux looked around at all of the herbs hanging from the rafters, old dusty tomes sitting on crooked shelves. The room was musty but dry at the same time thanks to the fire blazing in the fireplace. A half-ginger, half-black cat leapt onto the small table next to him and he idly scratched behind its ears as the two Corsairans talked animatedly.

“ _It’s about the lesh. How do you cure one?_ ”

“ _Oh, just kill it, put it out of its misery._ ”

“ _But if we can cure it, we’d like to try that first._ ”

“ _They’re just tormented souls, one hasn’t been cured in thousands of years._ ”

“ _Warlock, it’s Aneirin Reader._ ” 

“ _That child would never turn into a lesh. She’s too good inside._ ” 

“ _I think that gives her very good reason to turn._ ” 

The warlock spied Hux with a wary eye before turning it back to Sebastian. “ _Well, you need something related to the cause. Was it a person?_ ”

“ _Yes._ ” The lord looked pointedly at the general before looking back to the old man.

“ _Well that’s convenient. Do you know the cause?_ ” 

“ _We have a pretty good idea._ ” 

“ _Well, you have to come up with a way to make it up to her._ ” 

“ _That can’t be the only thing, she’s possessed! Running around with skulls and a sword through her chest!_ ”

“ _That’s it, kid, don’t argue with me. Otherwise, it’d be a mercy to just kill her. He should have to do that too._ ” The man staggered his way off the chair and shooed them both out of his hut.

Hux, having only caught some of the conversation, was nervous but needed some clarification. “Well?” 

“I’m definitely not drunk enough to deal with this.” He took a long swallow from the bottle before handing it over to Hux. He took a large drink as well. “I hope you’re as smart as Aneirin, we’re going to need it.”

“We have our own unique set of skills, I’m not sure she could command battle plans but I certainly cannot be in charge of a whole dreadnought with the purpose of medical research and relief efforts.” It wasn’t easy to admit he had failings, but there was no denying that the two young Generals were two sides of the same coin, their abilities overlapping and vastly different in places.


	11. Metamorphosis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This section of the story makes me cry every time, I'm sorry.  
> So please enjoy this section! It is very dear to my heart.

_Melting, shift, rearranging  
The wills of gods are always changing._

* * *

**In the darkness they sat** on a shelf of rocks, passing the bottle of liquor between them as they talked out their ideas while watching the villagers of Finndale dance and revel. Hux found the heir easy to talk to, which was a rare quality, as if the man two years his junior was just an extension of the doctor. They talked in the same rhythmic way though his current companion’s voice, while still educated and cultured, was still tinged with a native accent where hers had been tampered down to sound most like native Basic speakers. Sebastian’s was different in a way that he heard more in his Corsairan speech, a change in emphasis here, words Hux had never heard in place of ones he had picked up from Aneirin. 

“An told me you’d been none too welcoming when she transferred and it had me curious at the time.” The bottle was emptied and placed on the stone between them with a soft plink. “What sparked the change in attitude?”

“She’d said something that worried me, that brought up the possibility I wasn’t important to her anymore.” Hux wished they hadn’t finished the liquor as he had to remember and recount the event in question.

* * *

“What do you want?” Hux hadn’t bothered looking up from his desk, he knew it was Ren darkening his doorway just by the way he lumbered through the threshold. He could feel the anger radiating off of the knight and for once it hadn’t felt directed at him. It wasn’t like Ren to come to his co-commander with complaints that didn’t concern him directly.

“Your doctor is a nuisance.” This made the General laugh, finally peering up into the emotionless mask with a questioning gleam in his green eyes. “She subjected me to that ridiculous examination. And the damn needles.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t break things until she gave up. Is the great Kylo Ren losing his edge?” As a show of disinterest, just to add insult to injury, he turned his attention back to his work.

“She suspended my access codes!” Hux let a smirk cross his face and it earned his desk a hearty shove. “She had the audacity to dare me to kill her. I almost did it too. ‘Nothing to live for.’” Ren scoffed the quoted words like he couldn’t believe them.

“Excuse me?” It took all of Hux’s control to keep the concern out of his voice and replace it with incredulous disgust. 

“‘Do me the favor,’ I should have. If she wants to die so much I’ll be glad the next time she thinks she can threaten me into more of her tricks.” Hux had stopped listening, lost in thought. Ren finally got the hint and stomped back out of the office. Alone, he started biting his nails, considering taking a visit to medical bay.

But what would he even say? ‘I heard you don’t care if you die, I won’t let that happen?’ She didn’t seem to have a particular desire to die other than a threat, but everyone knew Ren would kill anything that stood in his way. It plagued his mind for some time, weighing his options and whether he needed to do something. He imagined having to send her body back to Corsaira, never getting a chance to tell her how he felt about her, all because she had nothing tying her to the world of the living.

He would have to speed up his plan, in case Ren got any more ideas.

* * *

Sebastian had chuckled at the story even if it was a worrying tale. “Always headstrong, but out of a place of concern. Proper qualities for a good doctor.”

“At the time I hadn’t seen it that way, but you’re quite right. Even if Ren is an angry child, she wanted what was best for his health.” A small sad smile played on his lips. 

The two of them returned to the village for Hux to pick up the bag of the doctor’s things; he thought maybe they’d have some significance in this apparently ludicrous quest into the woods. He was still a little shaken from the realization that the dreadful monster that had attacked him and broken his arm could have very well been his love, twisted beyond recognition by the grief he’d caused her. At the edge of the village he found Lord Sebastian Crath sitting in his shiny speeder, head leaning on one hand. Silently they drove through the forest, the Corsairan killing the engine when they made it to the midpoint of the dirt path. The taller man remained in the vehicle as Hux stumbled out of it. 

“I think this is something you have to do on your own. That’s usually the way things work, in the stories. _Good luck._ ” And so General Armitage Hux went out into the dark woods on his own with nothing but a broken arm and the bag on his back. He picked his way through the roots and bushes, his feet clumsy where he’d drank just a little too much alcohol to drown his emotions. Mind a jumble trying to think of what he could do to solve this problem, he wasn’t aware of how far he’d really gone until he came across a tree larger and seemingly older than the one in Malarra; had the light been shining or if he’d been in possession of a torch, he would’ve seen the distinctive shape of the hill it sat on or the weathered spikes jutting from the ground. 

Had Hux known his Corsairan flora he would’ve recognized the yew, but almost out of instinct he knew this was a place where legends had been born and spread out through the ages. From the mouths of her ancestors the story of this tree had reached Aneirin and through her it had reached him. Here a dragon was slain with nothing but bow and arrow and from its body the forest rose, the magic of its very being allowing growth and rebirth even after terrible fires or lumber pirates. Leaving the bag of precious proofs of affection on the ground at his feet, he reached out his good hand to gently trace the lines in the bark like scars. He almost thought he could feel it hum, bursting with energy and teeming with quiet voices whispering to him from when the tree was small and young. 

“You’re a worthless boy. Standing here on this planet pining over some woman, a traitor, a deserter. You’re weak, your emotions are the barrier between you and greatness. I should’ve expelled her when I had the chance. I should’ve killed you, if I’d known you’d bring me nothing but shame. To think my flesh and blood would commit patricide like some filthy primitive, feel guilt over the lives of pathetic Republic citizens. You’re a disgrace to my name.” His father’s voice was like claws on his mind and it sounded as if he was right behind him. Turning on his heel to fight the man, he found himself facing his stepmother, taller, sharper, face more severe than he remembered it from childhood. “Such a fool of a little boy. Unlovable, even if you were my sister’s son. Proof of my husband’s wandering interest. Unwanted from the very beginning. Your own mother left you behind like rubbish to rot the rest of her life away on this useless rock.”

The point of light that would have told him those words were untrue wasn’t there and the soft old wound on his psyche was like a weak point in his armor. Hux fell hard to his knees from a blow to his back, but it wasn’t the lesh that had leapt from the shadows to attack. He recognized the face of the boy who had been a burden to him at the Academy, his body blue and swollen, the skin sloughing off where he’d been floating in the water. The others he’d had killed stood behind him, some of them unidentifiable from their wounds. While they had been cruel and deserved punishment, the shadow of his beloved reminded him that their executions might have been avoidable. The voice that had slathered his subconscious with thoughts of revenge and a need for dominance had made it an unavoidable evil. The young men, at least those of which had faces, sneered at him, their leader holding the soaking wet jacket that had been the medical student’s uniform. “She should’ve let you drown, _Cadet._ ” 

There was the familiar sound of a lightsaber flicking to life, the red glow casting Hux’s shadow on the heart tree; a skeleton, wreathed in fire. Terrified he whirled to face the Commander of the Knights of Ren, but it was not soon enough to avoid being thrown against the trunk with a sickening crack in his back, knocking the wind from him. Kylo Ren remained silent, only pointing a gloved finger to the branches above them. There, from glowing red ropes, hung an unending number of faceless bodies, but among them there Aneirin was, dressed in her uniform with his great coat draped over her shoulders, something that had meant to make him seem broader making her look almost child-like. Small, frail, innocent. In a sparkling shower her necklace fell from her broken neck only to be swallowed up by a bony hand pulling it into the earth. Hux wanted to scream, but no sound came, her name stuck in his throat. When he blinked, her body was gone. Instead she knelt on the forest floor, the glossy sheen of the _Finalizer_ ’s floorplates twinkling underneath the fallen leaves, the red light of the saber creating a halo around her. Crimson blood poured from the hole in her chest, her clothes and hands soaked in it, her mouth dripping with the dark liquid. She didn’t look at him, but he knew her eyes would be full of pain, hatred, disgust. From behind, Ren’s massive hand took her hair in a tight grip and, before the blade could cleave her head from her body, Hux was finally able to scream. “Don’t! Kill me instead!” 

The lightsaber was still, only mere inches from her bloody neck, and he could feel Ren’s cold stare through the helmet’s visor. With a slight shove the doctor’s body fell to the ground with a loud metallic thud, echoing and repeating, filling Hux’s ears with a crescendo of terrified screams. Ren approached him, slowly, maliciously, more solid than he had any right to be. “This is your punishment, General. You’ve failed. Because of this speck.” The voice wasn’t Ren’s, but the Supreme Leader’s with its tone that deafened everything around it. 

“I’d rather die if it meant she could live, she has so much more she can do.” His voice trembled, but he did his best to remain strong. He had to do this, for her; he had to be punished, he had to die for betraying her love, her compassion. He couldn’t see it, but he was just bone and fire and darkness. For Starkiller she, his Star Empress, his guiding light, his one true happiness, had cursed him to this fate. Who better to be the executioner than Kylo Ren, a man born of hate and destruction? “I can’t end this war, I can’t bring those planets back, there’s only one thing I can do. If my death means her life, I would gladly die a million times in a million lives.”

“Your death would be a kindness. What better penance could you serve than living in this waking nightmare? A world where you must serve, where you are the most despised man in the galaxy, where her blood and twisted soul are on your stained hands? Every face a void, every person an enemy, no love or light to be found?” Aneirin rose like a strange doll on strings and stood beside the Sith knight, her eyes blank like glass, staring at him. Ren handed his lightsaber to her; it looked massive in her tiny white hands. “She would be kind enough.” 

Hux’s scream pierced the chilled night air, sending birds fluttering from their roosts and echoing off the leaves of the trees, shaking captured rain down in pellets. The blade felt hot in his stomach, his tears cold and wet on his cheeks. Her face was so close to his that he could feel her icy breath and hear the raspy sound like a corpse’s death rattle. Behind her beautiful blue eyes he saw only darkness, the void of her pupils swallowing him whole. His voice was a strained whisper, “I am so sorry… _my love._ ” 

Before she could move away, he saw the shiny blade sticking from the hole in her chest. With shaking weak arms Hux pulled her body into an embrace, his face buried in her hair, and he just managed to pull it free from her back as his eyes closed and the world faded. Trying to stay awake, to see her one more time, he opened them again, only to be greeted by the lesh’s skull, the bone bloody, and one of its claws sunk into his body where a flower of red bloomed on the plain tan tunic he’d been given to blend in to the crowd. In his hand he felt the leather hilt of a sword, the blade bathed in black tar. The blue fires of the beast’s eyes faded until they finally winked out. 

The next things he remembered in smears of color and light were flashes of Aneirin’s distraught and bloody face. The sounds of her cries haunted his thoughts, his name on her tongue sounding sweet like honey spun into a song his mother would’ve sung him to go to sleep as a child, if she’d been there to love him. Hux felt comforting warmth and soothing cold at the same time. 'No pain,' he thought, 'no war to win nor faceless men to please.' Just this last embrace, the faint scent of her hair, the taste of homemade chocolates and freshly-brewed bitter tea. The sound of her gentle laugh, the warmth of a fleeting touch, the tingle of her lips on his, copper hair being swept from a pale brow with tenderness and love. She was his home, the sun, moon, and stars; she was the legends of a proud people, the hero of his story, the rhyme and reason for everything he was. She changed him, sculpted him, weathered him with her words, her wisdom, her hope. For every wrong in the world there was her to heal it, every tear wiped away with soft fingers and bright smiles. In her arms his life would leave him and he’d be there under that tree, waiting for her, his first and last words 

_I love you, My Stars._

* * *

Cold. Darkness. The taste of copper on his tongue. The sudden bright light burned his eyes, illuminating his bare skin and a figure swathed in surgery apparel like a wraith. Unable to move, he watched in horror as a scalpel split the skin of his chest, felt the sharp sting as it made its path. He felt every ounce of pain as skin was peeled away, the cracking of his ribs filled his ears as they were braced apart. With careful gloved hands the figure clawed into the cavity, pulling out a black mass. Smearing the ooze away, the twisted thing was almost unrecognizable as a human heart. Smacking it down into a steel dish, the surgeon- mortician -removed their mask and his heart would’ve skipped a beat if it had still been in his chest. 

Flat, as if pressed by a great weight, he sat and waited. Then he felt her soft skin against him, a dull pain looping on his body. The shadow blocking his sight moved, revealing her face in deep concentration. His heart soared to see her again, even if she wasn’t really looking at him. Eventually she cursed, slapping a hand onto his face and smooshing it into a crinkled ball. With a soft thud he fell into a metal wastebasket and he could hear her beautiful voice, tinged with anger, “Useless.” 

The pain was immeasurable, but he could do nothing to stop it, not even scream. Flesh came off in ribbons, bones twisted from their joints and pulled away. He stared as the bony face covered itself in his blood and its terrifying jaws ripped into his entrails to tear them with sharp teeth. It fed on him, turning him into a puzzle of muscle and ligaments that would never be put back together. Resigning himself to his fate, he looked up through the trees towards the sky, only to find it a sea of flame. 

He could barely remember being so small, the memories of his childhood buried and forgotten to mask the pain of it all. But he was happy, laughing in that innocent delighted way that children, ones raised without constant terror, often possessed. He was running, but he knew that it wasn’t out of fear; he was daring her to catch him, to wrap him up in her warm loving arms and squeeze him tightly. She did catch him, even with her short gait, and she did take him into her arms. Laughter was replaced with gurgling, blood gushed out between his lips, the sharp cold sting of steel in his throat. Her beautiful eyes were emotionless marbles as she watched him die in her grip. “I can’t let you hurt anyone else, Star Killer.” 

He couldn’t fill his lungs enough but they burned in his chest. His heart threatened to burst from his chest, but his muscles felt like cotton and his mouth was dry as if full of sand. It took great effort to move his hand to his face to rub at his tired eyes. Hux felt the warmth of the sun filtering through the window, the light gentle in the softly-colored room. Picking at the peculiar new set of clothing he felt the edges of a bacta-bandage on his abdomen. The door opened cautiously, taking his attention away from his wound, and a man, appearing in his 40s with grey already in his neatly trimmed beard, came to stand beside his bed. Everything passed as if in a fog; he barely remembered what was said to him, he gleaned that he’d sustained a near-fatal injury and that the only thing that had saved him was expert-level first aid and particularly fast speeder driving. He’d been in a bacta-tank until his wounds were manageable with less expensive means; he’d been asleep for almost a weak. His body was so weak he couldn’t even convince himself he needed to stand. 

Then reality had hit him all at once, that given his wounds were tended to before he arrived at the hospital, his last visual memories were real. Standing up was painful and a little dangerous; his legs wobbled, his head was light, but he was able to eventually walk a small circle around the room without feeling his knees go weak. With the determination of someone who had no intention of doing what was in their best interest Hux removed the needle in his arm that would’ve delivered the fluids necessary for relieving him of the headache pounding in his skull and stride out of his room with as much confidence he could manage. Eyes followed him silent interest but as long as no one said anything or attempted to stop him he didn’t give them a second thought. It hadn’t yet occurred to him yet that he didn’t know where he was even going, just that he needed to leave. In the main reception area of the hospital a man dressed in medical scrubs with a badge clipped to his chest stopped him from getting to the glass doors that stood between the general and his goal.

“I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t be wandering around in your condition.” His accent was thick and different from others that he’d heard before but not uncultured. Hux was able to mostly draw himself to his true height in order to not feel so small and defenseless, but it didn’t prove much given the distinct lack of the uniform that provided him extra bulk. The largest man he’d ever known was Kylo Ren and this one would put him to shame, possibly would best the other man if it was a fair fight. The look on the nurse’s face wasn’t wholly unsympathetic but he obviously took his duty seriously like all the other Corsairans Hux had the pleasure of knowing.

“I am a General of the First Order and I demand I be released. I don’t care if it’s against the best interest of my health, I have somewhere to be.” Put on the spot he determined that ‘somewhere’ was the palace, because if Aneirin was alive and human and if Lord Crath had pushed his speeder to the brink of falling apart to get Hux to the hospital, then the two would likely be together as good friends who hadn’t seen each other in many years were bound to do. There was more bickering back and forth until the head physician was called and finally Hux was allowed to leave. A new uniform had been sent over from the First Order office and he was thankful his boots had been cleaned, avoiding the displeasure of having to break in new ones. 

It took him a moment to get his bearings in the still unfamiliar city but he recognized the facades of some buildings, a sign or two had a street name he remembered, and eventually he saw the palace towers sticking up into the bright blue sky. The gate that sat at the bottom of the cobbled driveway was open and when he approached the guard sitting in his shelter simply nodded at him with respect instead of trying to stop the redhead. Hux didn’t remember seeing the man during his first visit, it was possible his uniform had commanded the unspoken permission to enter but somehow he doubted it. Upon reaching the grand front doors the guard that stood there immediately allowed him entrance; it only made sense that he’d been announced ahead of time. A house servant indicated for the general to follow her to the parlour where much of the royal family was gathered discussing something of seeming importance. Hux’s entrance commanded their sole attention and he shifted uncomfortably when Sebastian started up a round of applause, one of the man’s brothers whistling until their mother chastised him. 

“Look at you! You could’ve called, you know. Of course, they said you should be put up for a while, to recover fully.” The eldest child approached him as the others went back to what they were doing and Hux was lead away into the library just a little ways down the hallway. “An warned the hospital that you’re willful.”

The mention of her name in such a jovial fashion had the general teeming with newfound energy. “Where is she?”

“She took a walk. To the Mountain Mothers, actually. Since you were supposed to be resting,” Sebastian gave him an exasperated look not entirely unlike the doctor would have, “I thought she would have ample time before you were ready to leave.”

“Please, I need to see her.” Hux all but grabbed the other man’s hands in supplication. He detested begging but this was a matter of great importance. The blond sighed and a small smile of understanding graced his lips. 

“How can I say no to such a face? And after all you’ve been through.” There was insistence that they take the time for Hux to have a small plain meal to help his recovery before they would get into the speeder that had rushed him to the hospital. On the way out of the city his driver offered the story to be told. “I was waiting, trying not to fall asleep, and I almost did when I heard that roar pierce the night air like a knife. Then I heard her screaming.

“So I flew over the forest until I saw the Dragonsblood Yew, landed, both of you were absolutely covered in blood. She was practically holding you together with spit but she moved as quick as lightning to get you in the backseat. Good thing I keep an emergency medkit in here, doctors said it probably saved your life.” Sebastian chuckled to himself wryly. “They were, however, very curious what situation yielded a man with a serious abdominal wound being brought in by a naked woman dressed in blood and the heir to the throne, but here we are.”

Hux had to process the story in silence. The thing that broke him of his reverie was his companion reaching into the backseat, wrestling with something, and plopping the thing into the general’s lap. It was the bag he’d brought with her things in it and he found it all there save for the most important piece. “Where-“

“She took it, I imagine.” There was no more to say on the subject. In a few minutes they crested a hill and within sight was a small moving speck that was their goal. Hux was ready to leap out of the speeder mid-flight but he managed to avoid further injury to himself by waiting for the vehicle to come to a complete stop some yards ahead of one General Aneirin Lucasta Reader, MD. He stood in awe as she walked up to and past him.

“Love, please!” On unsure feet he ran to her after some initial shock. Nothing he said made a difference, even standing in her way only had her bumping him with a stiff shoulder to move past him. He stood in the middle of the path watching her walk away from him with his heart shattering in his chest. The sound of a speeder engine coming to life sent birds flying from nearby roosts, the vehicle whipping in front of her quickly and coming to a hard stop blocking the path. Hux caught up but the two were exchanging tense words in opposing Corsairan rhythms. 

“Alright, it’s settled then.” The words had obviously been said in Basic for the redhead’s benefit. Without further argument the smallest but oldest of the three climbed into the back of the speeder and Sebastian made sure the general got in without incident before climbing behind the controls. It felt strange and confusing but Hux couldn’t figure out why it seemed right; maybe it was the gentle hum of the engine or the peaceful surroundings. At the very least he was no longer aware of the radiating calm he had been accustomed to in Aneirin’s presence. Their driver was the one to speak up. “You’ll like it, the Home. I really enjoy a strong female presence and no better place to get it. It’s like visiting your 40 grandmothers, mothers, and sisters.” 

“I can’t rightly say I can understand that sentiment.” His stepmother was ultimately cold but had her small moments of sentiment that Hux, on the rare occasion, remembered fondly. There had been some teachers that he never would’ve mistakenly called ‘mum’ like stories he’d heard from Aneirin. Admiral Sloane had briefly been in his life as a small mother figure while aboard her ship. Of course his biological mother had never been in his life beyond giving it to him, but now he was approaching her last home at an increasing too-quick rate. When they finally stopped he managed to release the lock on his door fast enough to vomit on the dirt and not all over the speeder’s interior. Sebastian offered him his handkerchief and kind words that Hux, in a moment of random contemplation some years into the future, would realize came from a fatherly place of empathy. 

The place could have been classified as a monastery; the homes were simple, the women modestly dressed in robes, and there was the distinct smell of burning incense in the air. Aneirin got out of the speeder, bowing her head in respect to the women she passed on her way to the far side of the community, and Hux made to follow her until a hand came out of nowhere to grip his arm. The woman, hair grey and skin heavily wrinkled, furrowed her brows at him even before he pulled his limb free. Other women came closer, all giving him the same calculating and curious look. Hux felt exposed but offered no explanation for his presence or plea for clemency to a crime he’d surely committed but wasn’t aware of. One of them spoke up to the others and they all began whispering among themselves. 

“Hush, you’re being rude.” The whispering stopped and Hux was fixed with the speaker’s gaze. “Armitage Hux, I assume.” 

“How-“ She didn’t let him finish his thought, giving him a small shake of the head. 

“It doesn’t matter. We have some things that should be with you.” Without much more explanation she started to walk away towards one of the buildings. His heart pounded, blood rushing in his ears and hands sweaty. If he hadn’t been sick before he surely would’ve been sick in that moment. If they had things for him then...

Inside of what was essentially a hut a fire illuminated and warmed the small space, a place by it made for him. Hux was silently thankful; his legs weak from both the recovery of his wounds and the physical responses to his heightened anxiety. With careful attention he watched the wizened woman rummage through boxes and piles of papers until finally she found what she was looking for. Standing in front of him, she handed the wooden container to him, his hands shaking. He flicked, not out of disinterest but a pressing desire to quickly absorb the information, through books of handwritten notes, flowers pressed between their pages. A gold and jade hairpin held together a lock of strawberry-colored hair, there was a necklace of delicate gold and a photograph, the printed type that he’d seen in the photo albums that Aneirin kept, of a smiling red-haired woman crouching beside a young blonde girl. At the bottom of the box was a paper envelope, the letters in perfect Basic script, his name emblazoned on the front. White slender fingers opened it, tracing the aged edge as he read. 

_My Dear, Sweet Armitage-_

_Though I knew you for so brief a time, I have always loved you in my heart. You are a part of me, a piece adrift among the stars, and it gladdens my heart to know you, my flesh and blood, will live on after I am gone. I fear I do not have much time, not enough that I have confidence in seeing you again, so I will write down here the words I wished I could have shared with you had I gotten the chance to see you one more time._

Hux read the rest in shocked tears, every word a dagger to his heart. The outline of a life before him, the journey away from the budding First Order, and of course the life of solitude lead in the mountains. His father’s misdeeds against the Aventhal family, the sisterly bond between his mother and Cecilia, and lamentation that the threat against her whole family, including himself, meant that she wasn’t able to be there for him in the way he needed. Motherly love meant that she rathered he lived and never knew her than they both perish. He supposed, then, that Cecilia had done fairly well given the circumstances. 

_The people here are so unlike your father and the Order. So compassionate, so loving, but strong and fierce. There is a child here who reminds me of you when I see her, I can only hope that you will grow to be so kind and beautiful a soul. I tell her my woes and she listens like she’s so much older and wiser than such a small creature should be. She tells me she’s sure you miss me and that wherever you are, you are a good boy. I wish I could have brought you here, you two would have been great companions. Both small and sweet, looking after each other._

_Here I will lie in this beautiful stone, under these blue skies and sparkling stars. You may never find me, but one day I know we will be together again and I can hold you like I have always dreamed._

_With more love than can be expressed-_

_-Your devoted mother, Moira_

Delicately he slipped the pages back into their envelope, smoothing over his name with a thumb. In the midday sun, on weak legs, he wandered back outside, drawn to where he’d seen Aneirin go like a moth to the flame. Like a statue she stood among a collection of stones, her prayer stance and the glowing sunlight making her look serene and otherworldly. As if to make sure it was real, he wiped his fingers across the stone in front of her to feel the name carved into the rock. His voice was barely a whisper. “I’m so sorry, mother.” 

“I am sorry too, Mother Moira.” The doctor’s voice broke him from his reverie and he looked up into her emotionless face hidden like the moon passing in front of the sun. “I wasn’t able to do my best. I failed the expectations of the ones who came before me. I lived in the shadow and favor of evil.”

Hux hadn’t felt like this since he was a little boy cowering in his father’s shadow; like a failure, a worthless piece of scrap. He thought he’d buried that feeling with his father, thought never again would he be ashamed of himself, doubt himself. But his mind raced- those streaks of red, the flaming orbs in the capital square, the sea of featureless masks, and his love turned into a creature of sorrow, only sated with his death. He deserved the punishment of having his mother dangled in front of him after all of those years, being constantly reminded of what a monster he’d become because of the evil he devoted himself to blindly, that he’d destroyed innocent lives, that he’d caused her admirable boundless strength to fail and have her countless good deeds wiped away with a single order. He was as his father wanted him to be and also as he’d expected: a loyal servant of the First Order, incapable of questioning their motives and methods, willing to sacrifice billions to crush the Republic, but ultimately a pawn in a game, weak and useless. 

He watched with abject horror, tears streaming his face, as white skin turned black. It burned and stung where it spread and he found that, as much as he wanted it to stop, the indescribable feeling in his chest willed him to let it happen. General Armitage Hux of the First Order deserved to look as monstrous as he was inside. Forever in this beautiful landscape he would be alone even though he would always be so close to her. He would live until the end of time being tortured knowing the horrible pain that he’d caused her, that he’d caused across the galaxy. 

A small hand was stark against his; almost glowing with how radiant it was in the light of the brilliant sun. Her blue eyes were emotionless, looking at him so intensely it was as if she could see directly into his heart. Her voice was rigid and sharp like a steel blade in his ears. “You can still do something.” 

He searched her eyes for her hidden meaning, trying to find the solution to an impossible question. His voice was small and weak, a mockery of what it used to be. Hux couldn’t maintain eye contact, instead staring as the darkness receded from where their hands touched. The soft tinkle of metal and stones drew his attention back to her, a small gasp on his lips as the light sparkled in the beautiful gems. She’d worn it, that necklace that had drained his accounts in some futile attempt to show her how much he loved her, that he was thinking of her always. Despite the horrible thing he’d done that surely should have sent him plummeting from her graces, she’d worn it instead of giving it back to the planet where it rightly belonged. “There is more than one way to end a war.” 

Somehow, without explanation, he knew what she meant. “Yes, yes I’ll do this for you.” 

“No,” she said, voice cold and distant. “You’re doing this for the galaxy.” 

For a long while, possibly a few hours, they didn’t exchange any words as they sat in the field of headstones. At some point Lord Crath came to tell them he had to be leaving and that they could take his speeder back. Hux only wondered how the man could leave without the vehicle only as long as it took the sound of the air being whipped by blades on rotors to reach his ears. Aneirin was the first to stand and she even helped him to his feet, still sore from his healing wounds and time in the bacta-tank. They sat on a broad stone bench underneath a tree that seemed to have defied the laws of nature to survive in such stony solid soil, taking turns breaking off pieces of a herbed bread loaf a Mother had offered them. 

“What was she like?” The General wasn’t sure if he had earned the right to talk to her so plainly again, but questions about his mother weighed on his mind almost as much as what he was tasked with upon their return to the _Finalizer_. 

“She was kind and sweet, very intelligent. Witty. She loved people. Something of an anthropologist. She said she’d visited our planet during the Galactic War, since we were neutral and safe, and she loved it so she came back.” She played with the hem of her simple tunic, pulling at a loose thread. “She would’ve loved you. She did love you, as much as she knew you. If I’d known… I would’ve told you, when we were students, while she was still alive.” 

“Your friend was under the impression you’d tried to tell me when you found out, but I never got a message.” He saw her mouth wriggle as she thought about that. “But you never brought it up these past few years.”

“I thought you didn’t reply because it was a sore subject, I didn’t want to upset you by crossing a line.” Hux nodded and hummed his understanding. 

“How did you find out?” She took in a deep breath and straightened out her back to sit with a little more dignity, but she still didn’t look at him.

“I was researching the disease Cecilia died of.” Hux remembered how the woman had acted while slowly losing her life. 

‘Take it,’ she’d said as she showed him copies of the documents naming him the benefactor in the wake of her death, ‘and if I must ask you for anything in return, it is that when your malignant cell of a father dies he suffers.’ 

Suffered he had. It had been no secret to young Armitage that his stepmother hated his father almost as much as he had, there was no love there. In the barest of ways she’d been at least a mother figure to him, distant but not without moments of kindness. She hadn’t exactly attempted to treat him as if he were her own, but he’d secretly witnessed at least one instance where Cecilia with her severe eyes and steel tongue defended him to his father and received the back of the man’s thick strong hand in return. The young boy, scarcely over the age of 7 at the time, had already come to expect that she would naturally lash out at him, but instead his father had left to go drinking with some other officers, his stepmother opened a bottle of her cheap wine, they ate dinner together, and afterwards she’d asked him to read to her while she played with his hair. His father had hated it and though she was also not fond of the fact that he wasn’t her own, she’d never said anything cruel about his appearance. Now he knew why. 

“It was genetic.” The realization hit him like a gust of cold air on Starkiller Base. Green eyes looked over to her in confusion. “You wanted to make sure I didn’t have it. Even when I hadn’t contacted you for years, you were still trying to help me.” 

“Of course not, it would’ve been a breakthrough worthy of quite a bit of praise.” Hux thought she was serious until the corners of her lips twitched upwards and she laughed curtly. “I didn’t get the chance to finish my research. I don’t know if you have it. As far as I know your mother didn’t. She died of the same foreign pathogen outbreak my father died in.”

“You could go back to doing your research. You don’t need to be on-“

“Eventually.” He didn’t know how he felt about that; she had quickly refused transferring back to her _Eir_ then but implied she would leave the _Finalizer_ at some point. Hux knew he would miss her, but if they succeeded in ending the war then there would be no use for her to be just the Chief Medical Officer of a command vessel. 

Before the sun got too low in the sky they bid farewell to the Mountain Mothers and climbed into the speeder left behind for them. He used the opportunity to once again admire the beautiful view of the unspoiled land, orange-red light spilling across the green fields and shadows cast by rising mountains and thick low clouds. In the distance the ocean glittered like stars and the wind was so fresh he was sure that to return to recycled air might make him sick. Hux laughed to himself in self-derision. “Do you remember when I made a fool of myself?”

“Which time?” She hadn’t taken her eyes off the space in front of them but when he turned to her in surprise he saw the hint of a laugh on her lips and he was the one to burst out in amusement first, placing a hand firmly on his stomach where the contraction of muscles hurt his still-healing wound.

* * *

Cadet Hux had his bad habits; he smoked too much, hid liquor in his dorm room, got into fights with the other male cadets, and was full of anger like a super-heated cup of water. He maintained that his worst habit, by far, was the group of unconscious actions he performed when he saw Cadet Reader. Chest puffed, shoulders square, but his throat closed up in anxious anticipation and his palms became sweaty. At first he’d tried being cold and aloof, possibly even trying to scare her into shuffling away at the sight of him so he didn’t have to look at her. But she just smiled sweetly at him, spoke softly, and was funny in a weird and foreign way. She wasn’t a great beauty, she was plain and reserved, but it gave her a subtle charm. He would’ve considered her easy to talk to if he managed to say more than a few words to her at a time; most of their conversations passed in silence.

So, frustrated, he had to resort to actions instead of words. When he’d catch her watching him during physical training, he’d try especially hard to be the best of the other cadets. This usually had him too flustered to properly focus, but it didn’t matter because he would look up to find her talking to one of the other medical students. Cadet Hux would be especially quick and accurate in the classes they shared, but she was too focused on her own work to notice him. Once he’d tried to give her advice, only for his words to come out a little too harsh. Her face had been washed with shame when he corrected her, which didn’t help the twinge in his heart. He’d tried reading the medical student’s textbooks but without the previous years of study and practical assignments, he found himself stumbling his words when trying to convey a concept to her. She’d just smile and laugh, but not to make fun of him; that was the worst part, the fact that she didn’t aim to destroy him like the others. Instead of a ‘hah, you don’t even know such a simple concept’ she would say ‘don’t worry, I get confused too.’

His last course of action had been the one guide on the Corsairan language he could find in the databanks. Every night he poured over it, memorizing vocabulary and working through the grammar. Eventually he was confident enough to approach her while she was alone, studying in the library. Aneirin’s face lit up when she looked at him towering over her table.

“Hello, Cadet Hux.” A lump formed in his throat, but he was determined.

“ _I hate you._ ” Her face dropped and he became afraid she was going to burst into tears. 

Her voice was shaken with emotion. “I thought we were friends.”

“I don’t have friends.” Feeling rejected, he stormed back out of the library. At dinner he tried to avoid sitting with the part of his class that sat with the medical students. A shadow darkened his meal and he was surprised to see it was her with an amused look on her face.

“I’m not sure where you went wrong but… thank you for trying.” She dropped a large version of the cookies her mother sent her on his tray and walked away with a little wave. He tried to keep the blood from rushing to his face.

The cookie was delicious with his tea that night.

* * *

The doctor had become reserved again and Hux didn’t know if she was doing it consciously or if she was in a strange subcategory of one of her moods that he’d come to understand. Frankly both were logical possibilities and the combination of them would be what he placed his bets on. There were only small glimpses of her humor that he caught and he tried to not hold back his amusement like he would’ve on their ship out of professional decorum. The sun was just a distant orange crown on the sea’s horizon seen from the crest of the palatial hill and Hux took a moment to admire the purple and pink of the darkening sky above them as they exited the speeder. They were informed that the royal family had already dined and left the palace for some undetermined business, so he watched patiently as she insisted on making their meals herself and they sat at the island counter in the kitchen to eat in silence. For a moment there was the distinct chance that they might be sharing a room but when he returned to the one he’d used days before only his things had been immaculately placed on the end of the bed. 

Normally he would be unable to sleep but the effect of the submersion in bacta and the energy taken to heal, the General found sleep rather easily. When he’d awoken he was only slightly miffed about having to put on the same uniform two days in a row, but it wasn’t as if there was a fleet of service droids in the palace to have cleaned it in the middle of the night. A little stiffly he made his way downstairs, finding the home strangely devoid of life, even the servants. For once he was particularly hungry and he could find no excuse to ignore the impulse with nothing of true importance to do except their going back to the _Finalizer_. In the kitchen he found her at once eating at the island, breakfast already prepared as if she knew exactly when he would arrive and she produced a stool so he wouldn’t be on his feet too long. She even managed to find some tarine tea somewhere, the taste of it like a pleasant memory for him. 

It did not escape his attention that she was dressed in a uniform and neither the clothes he usually saw her in nor any Corsairan style. Burnished gold hair was pulled back tight in Doctor Reader’s trademark bun, the clip silver where it peeked out at the bottom. Her face was placid and her eyes reflected some inner contemplation as they looked at her coffee in her hands. After washing his hands and face he walked briskly into the front hall only to stop in his tracks. Aneirin stood by the grand set of doors, the white of her doctor’s coat just barely visible under the black gabberwool of the great drapes over her shoulders. Around her neck sparkled the Empress necklace and upon approach he saw the gold chain of his stepmother’s family crest pendant sit behind the shining silver. He took his own great coat from her with more reverence than necessary. With a nod she opened one of the doors and they stepped out into the morning light. 

Sunlight glinted off polished armor and sharpened ceremonial weaponry, black pistols and rifles hung in their holsters on hip and back respectively. Hux’s mind raced and he even involuntarily took a step back on the stone stairs. Was it a lie that they would be leaving this planet together? Had the strained familiarity between them been a mask over how much she actually hated him? He realized the voice echoing in his head was distinctly his own as he watched her back calmly move away down the cobbled path, a servant carrying the bag that the general had brought to the planet followed her some steps away. So he used his long strides to catch up and fall in step beside her, the sound of metal clanking behind him. He didn’t dare look over his shoulder, it was quite too obvious that the line of guards spread out along the path were creating a train. 

The cityscape was awash in flower arrangements and flags of the the various Corsairan regions flapped in the winds high above, the ones near the street swaying gently like the loose strands of his hair. Citizens looked different from just the day before; gone were what he assumed were modern fashions and around them stood a sea of people in a colorful array of traditional dress, some appearing more ready for battle than a simple procession. The street they’d walked down had been empty but as the two generals and their guard went past, citizens filed in behind to fill the void. Flower petals and loose grains had been thrown onto the flagstones before them and people, some hanging off their balconies and others waving brightly colored squares of cloth, cheered out in Corsairan as they passed. Hux wasn’t sure of the words but Aneirin curtly nodded periodically to either side of them. 

Upon reaching the large circular junction that connected the palace way, the avenue leading to the Magi’s Capital Temple, the street to the Historical district, and the road that had been made for access to the First Order Office and spaceport, they were met by the royal family, the Magi Order, and a menagerie of fantastical beasts the likes of which Hux had never seen before. Given that he’d been almost disemboweled by his love in the form of some shapeless shadow beast, it wasn’t really all that surprising. The family was dressed in their absolute best carrying their sheathed swords and other arms with confidence, the Magi Order encircling them with their plain robes and lightsabers on display hanging from their belts. The general recognized the boy that had passed him in the hallway, hair just as red as his own and his elbow raised to serve as a perch for a lizard with glittering gold scales and leathery wings that could’ve served as shades for several adult humans when extended. Other family members were idly paying some attention to other creatures, though what caught Hux’s attention as they became even with the crossroads was humanoids that ranged from just a few feet larger than a normal man to almost as tall as the buildings surrounding them. For a moment he reconsidered the possibility that he was about to be executed in front of the whole city but instead of relieving his blade of its scabbard, Duke Frederick Crath nodded in respect to them both, turned on his heel, and became the spearhead of the procession towards the starport. 

The two Generals walked behind the towering man, his thick cloak whirling around him, the light blinding where the jewels on his person glinted. Hux had always thought he walked tall and proud but the sight before him was inspirational. Beside Hux marched Heir Apparent Sebastian Crath looking the very vision of immaculate elegance and regal poise, though having caught his ogling the blond smirked and winked at him. He didn’t want to look around too much but he knew that beside Aneirin was the Duchess who forewent a flowing gown that her female relatives sported for an ensemble reminiscent of certain highly-esteemed women of history. 

It wasn’t an execution march.

It was a statement. 

In front of the starport stood all of the First Order officers and stationed stormtroopers, armed but looking nervous. Their retinue dispersed slightly to allow the two to pass and meet the captain who looked like this was the worst day of his life. The captain’s eyes flicked between his superiors and the crowd behind them. His attention turned to General Hux. “Sir, what is our… course of action?”

Hux opened his mouth but it wasn’t his voice that came, though it carried a similar tone. “You know that feeling you’re having? The one that tells you you’re on the edge of something dark and bottomless?” Hux turned his face towards the woman to his left with just as much awe as the captain in front of him. General Reader put on a mirthless smile. “Walk away from that.” 

The captain considered it before telling the men and women behind him to stand down. “What is it your people say? ‘Corsaira Stands?’”

“ _Corsaira Stands._ ”

 _Corsaira Stands._ The words that followed them down the palace way. 

The two youngest Generals of the First Order had just been at the head of an independence march.

The personal ship Hux had flown to Corsaira had remained mostly unmolested save for where someone had obviously come aboard to retrieve the coats he’d left behind. The small bag of their belongings was placed in the cockpit and Aneirin beat him to the pilot’s seat, leaving him to assist her though he’d flown the ship alone with no issue. Their clearance to lift away from the starport came over the comms and they started their ascent. Hux’s sensors went off with proximity alarms but the doctor was unconcerned. A group of ten aircraft of ancient Corsairan military origin flew from their sides to form a chevron in front of them on their gentle arc towards the upper atmosphere. From above the sun was blocked out as a massive creature glided on red leather wings. It flew with them, even as the aircraft dipped away to return back to the surface, and before it too would tilt away as they reached too high, a great plume of fire and billowing smoke erupted from its gigantic mouth. 

Among the stars they were alone and Hux finally let out the breath he was holding. His body flooded with an anxious energy and a manic laugh escaped his lips. “Now to take down the First Order.” 

The stars around them became streaks as she pushed them into hyperspace.

“Should be easy for you, General Armitage Hux.” 


	12. Fall of the First Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **The end of a long journey.**  
>  **Character(s):** Armitage Hux, Aneirin Reader (OFC), Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, Finn, Poe Dameron, Leia Organa  
>  **CW** (Brief Sexual Content towards the end)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed everyone, thank you for sticking with me!

_Dragons will fly, wounds will mend  
And thus all things come to an end._

* * *

**The return to the _Finalizer_ was quiet** and uneventful, other than the gloomy silence and General Reader’s brash piloting. General Hux was left to his own devices, using a disconnected datapad to make plans. The war was about to take a sharp left turn out of hyperdrive into a black hole, which in essence meant the upcoming events required finesse. Chiefly it required some way to keep everything hidden from the Supreme Leader and his prized pet Kylo Ren. So when they came out of hyperdrive and saw the _Supremacy_ maintaining formation with the _Finalizer_ , his blood ran cold. The comms light flickered and a voice he recognized from the dreadnought’s bridge came in over the speakers. “Craft AH-1729, report to bay 1.” 

A gloved hand shot out to smack the pilot’s hand away from the controls, earning him an annoyed twitch of facial muscles. Hux gave up fighting the inevitable and started contemplating how undignified his impending death would be. The personal craft landed on polished durasteel deckplates in a smooth motion and the absence of the engines was deafening. He fixed his appearance as best he could, took a deep breath, and marched out into the cavernous shuttlebay, followed shortly by his fellow general. 

The sight of Kylo Ren, unmasked and accompanied by his Knights, was the second point on the list of things Hux was dreading. Spine straight, chin tilted up, chest out, hands clasped behind his back as usual but also to hide their betrayal in the form of shaking and fidgeting. “Does the Supreme Leader believe I need to be escorted by you, Ren?”

“No, because the Supreme Leader is dead.” 

A pale face framed by red hair failed to contain its shock. His mind tried to fit the pieces together, come to grips with reality. Ren’s voice brought him back into the present, the man gesturing to something with a bob of his long nose. “Didn’t think you’d be coming back, Doctor.” 

“Seems we’re all full of surprises, Supreme Leader Ren.” 

Pieces clicked into place. Plans rewrite themselves. The floor wasn’t a bottomless pit anymore. 

“Yes, Supreme Leader, it seems we have much to discuss.” 

* * *

A great many things happened while General Hux was on his personal mission. Not only was Supreme Leader Snoke killed, supposedly by the scavenger girl from Jakku but he was unconvinced that was entirely accurate, an attack on the rebel base left General Organa in a coma. That slightly soured things but all was not lost, for Poe Dameron was put in temporary command. 

The hard part was finding enough like-minded people to weaken the First Order. 

With his master gone, Kylo Ren had no qualms about lending a hand in the autocannibalism of the very organization Hux had dedicated his life to. ‘I have no interest in this charade anymore,’ the Jedi Killer had said. He’d also seemed uncomfortable with all of the changes: the death of Snoke, assuming the role of Supreme Leader, and most visibly the change in the Doctor’s demeanor. For all Hux knew, there was some disturbance in the Force that he could not feel swaying his new superior’s decisions. 

Hux immediately folded his most loyal officers and subordinates into the plot to splinter and shatter the First Order. It came as no surprise that Captain Phasma stood by his side, gathering the support of the stormtroopers she’d trained over the years. The name of General Reader was a rallying cry, from stations to bases to entire planets. Wherever she went, seeds of trust and faith grew. Subtly crews were shifted and transferred and in the veil of Wild Space congregated a flotilla: their first ship the _Fury_ still under the command of now-Corporals Williams and CMO Takamura, the _Brittain_ whose Captain Toran she had stayed in contact with, and of course the _Eir_ and her contingent of guardian cruisers still doing its work with Captains Darys and Taipaw. The _Fulminatrix_ had been unfortunately destroyed but some smaller vessels gathered around the dreadnought and star destroyers like asteroids caught in gravitational pulls. 

Eventually the _Supremacy_ and the _Finalizer_ joined them. Those not invited spat the words ‘Last Order’ when their ranks were mentioned. There wasn’t exactly time or resources to make new insignia so they made do with keeping the uniforms and detaching the First Order emblems. From their trained sense of legion the stormtroopers did come up with their own solution to identifying themselves from their pasts. 

“Trooper, What is this?” General Hux, upon having seen several other symbols pass him, finally decided he could not determine the subject without asking. 

“General Reader called it an edelweiss.” A symbol of strength and resilience, the white flowers sprouted in formerly barren soil. They accompanied another testament to a break from their abandoned way of life: names. 

Among the troopers some distinguished themselves enough to receive nicknames, such as Phasma and Cardinal, some just receiving them for the humor of their designations, ‘Twos’ and ‘Nines’ to name a few. Doctor Reader had expressed her distaste for the alphanumeric ‘dehumanizing’ designations and she sometimes referred to troopers by random names she thought up. Now they were having their home planets revealed so they could pick names appropriate for their people, some picked randomly if there were no records for their culture in the computers. Names were then etched into their armor, started replacing designations in files and rosters. 

The death knell of the First Order: individuality. 

* * *

There was a nervous energy in the shuttle ride down to the surface of Naboo. The choice of planet was poetic but Hux tried not to place too much importance to histories when he was attempting to end the cycle. Beside him sat Kylo Ren who had shucked himself of the title of Supreme Leader seeing as they were no longer part of the First Order. Some officers insisted they needed a name, to replace the moniker in all the bits of data shuffled around. They needed to distinguish themselves, they couldn’t exactly just throw on the name of the Resistance or the Republic; they were outsiders. 

“Naboo air control, this is VDF shuttle AR-0120 requesting landing.”

Valkyrie Defense Force. Of all the programs and plans that bore the First Order’s seal, the Valkyrie Corps was possibly the only one worthy of praise in a humanitarian sense. This they named themselves as a shield, almost like a mercenary group, but they asked for no compensation. Save for possibly their lives. The shuttle was cleared to land and when Hux would try to remember the upcoming events at a later date he would swear he didn’t breathe after he felt the craft come to a rest. 

Ren was the first out into the sunshine, the redhead following him with the doctor trailing behind, Captain Phasma’s armor blinding with its mirror finish. Led into the state building, there was an air of uncertainty and suspicion radiating off of their Resistance guards. Who could blame them? It was almost surprising, admirable even, that they could restrain the urge to open fire. Although the supplicating group could easily have been a ruse, it would be foolish to turn away the splinter fleet they offered. 

Before them stood Commander Poe Dameron, another person high on the rebel totem pole, and a tense scav- Rey, the fledgling Jedi. To hear Kylo Ren say it, she was quite the formidable opponent. Hux liked anyone who could put the Sith in his place, but now they had to work together. The pilot-turned-temporary-leader gestured to a table at the center of the room. 

“What a bunch of familiar faces. Let’s get to business. But first…” as the group advanced the charming pilot specifically moved to greet Doctor Reader. “It is especially good to see you. Finn will show you to the medbay.” 

Having heard his name the ex-stormtrooper came out of whatever dark shadow he’d been hiding in. Aneirin perked up with recognition. “Finn, I guess that’s better than Eight-Seven.” 

He furrowed his brows and looked between the doctor and Dameron. “You remember me, Doctor Reader?” 

“Of course. FN-2187, born 11 ABY, pegged for officer training, requested transfer to the medical bay. Taken from the undocumented colony on Rakata Prime, origins un-“ she stopped when the young man took hold of her lapels, earning Phasma’s blaster raised level with his head and the sound of rebels getting ready to fire, but there was only desperation and urgency in his eyes. 

“You know where I came from?” A soft touch of her hand loosened his grip and he muttered an apology. 

“That planet is a strange thing. All I can tell you is that is where you were taken from. We can request your full record.” Weapons were lowered as the two continued on their way to wherever the comatose princess was being kept. Poe turned back to the visitors. 

“Ready to end a war, ladies and gentlemen?” 

* * *

After some deliberation most of the alliance had been formed and codified. As expected there was a lot of suspicion and distrust, but it seemed as if acting-Admiral Dameron was willing to bet the lives of the Resistance on their new friends being honest. 

“I am, however, curious.” Poe leaned back with a sense of ease, elbow draped over the back of his chair and his ankle crossed over the other knee. Hux’s face twitched with the memory of how the man had embarrassed him. Then he remembered that was the day he learned Doctor Reader had left the _Finalizer_ without his knowledge and the redhead bit back a retort. “Why would you suddenly change sides, Ben?”

“The First Order was constructed by an illusion and the illusion is gone.” Hux was surprised that the Jedi Killer let the subtle barb to his name and past slip by without a word or even a flinch.

* * *

It was deafening, like a blaster going off near ones ear. At first Ren was unsure of the source though its effects did not go unnoticed. For all his life there had been a sound, a background hum. Several times his mother took him to specialists but they all insisted that he did not have an auditory problem. No psychological impairments. Nothing.

Then a silence so startling he felt ill, as if he’d been ripped into the vacuum of space. The longer it prevailed the more he began to wonder if it was how normal people lived their lives. In sweet blissful silence. 

It was gone. Suddenly a rush of noise came back into his head and he felt himself become angry, lashing out. He wanted that silence back and no amount of meditation or battle-trance training helped. Rage was the only thing he could feel with the tumult of indistinct noise in every waking moment. 

Silence. 

Ren was sitting in a room with all the other high ranking officers and head personnel aboard the _Finalizer_. The lack of noise upon entering said room jarred him but his mask allowed him to diffuse his confusion with a hidden look. Sitting down he proceeded to ignore whatever it was they were speaking about, closed his eyes, and reached out with the Force. Washing over the inanimate features of the room he found nothing so he started to probe its occupants. Weak minds were easy to wheedle into and the galaxy was full of weak minds powerless to even his painful-to-admit apprentice-level skills. Kylo, in Snoke’s words, did not yet have the finesse of a Sith master in the arts of mind manipulation. He had invaded the minds of these people before but now he was met with further resistance, it took considerable effort to puncture their places in the stream of the Force. 

Until he came to the end of the table. 

There was a void. Dull but solid. From every direction Ren tried to penetrate it but it refused to yield. Sharp strikes and enveloping attempts to crush, all for nought. He let the Force caress its edges, looking for a defect or any deviation from the smooth shell. Moving on he found the stronger mind of General Hux and his assistant Lieutenant Mitaka, who he found near impossible to breach but he felt some give, which left- 

Behind his mask he peered at the woman at the end of the long mirror-polished table. She was unremarkable: short, not unattractive but plain, quiet, soft-spoken though with that expert’s confidence, and she looked at the redhead at the head of the table with more enthusiasm than Ren thought someone could muster. It reminded him of- 

Nevertheless, she was the source of the void. If she had noticed his prodding she didn’t let on and he didn’t feel an attempt at retaliation. It required further investigation. Ren began with determining the distance at which he could be in order to not be under whatever effect the woman had, including if she was aware of his presence or not. Her attention appeared to have no standing but he discovered the distance was not very far, a matter of meters. Eventually he was forced to face her and he prepared for there to be a confrontation on par with his less pleasant interactions with Supreme Leader Snoke.

It was the complete opposite of unpleasant. There was silence and her touch was almost calming. She was strong-willed but caring and compassionate. Compassion was a Jedi thing and for a moment he thought maybe there were more of them than just his uncle but she didn’t talk like a Jedi. There was warmth and emotion. No Jedi would allow themselves to be in unapologetic love. The doctor was the complete opposite from every other medical interaction he had ever been the subject of. Over time he would find she possessed a formidable mind, one that would complete anything it was set to. Good thing it is on my side, Ren thought, and good thing for our enemies that she is a charitable medical professional. Every time they would pass he would hear silence and found the people around them difficult to read. 

Then Snoke became even more terse and angry with him. Disappointed. Spiteful. 

The noise became louder. 

So loud that Doctor Reader’s little _trick_ no longer affected him. If he’d paid attention he would’ve noticed a shift in the ginger general’s attitude as well. 

Then he walked into that throne room and it was like a swarm of insects and flapping birds’ wings. 

Then Snoke was dead. 

Silence.

The doctor was nowhere to be found. Hux had left to find her like the madly in love fool he was. 

If she had been born like Ben Solo, Kylo Ren would’ve feared meeting her on the battlefield. 

* * *

“How better to spite the puppet master than for the puppet to leave the stage?” Hux’s mind turned its gears, absorbing the Sith’s story. Was it true? He didn’t recall ever saying a harsh word to the beloved doctor. 

“Yeah, she told me there was something off. Strikes me as a trustworthy person.” It occurred to the redhead that if he’d been controlled by the Supreme Leader, had his memory scrubbed of the cruelties, then the researching part of Aneirin’s mind would’ve hidden her suspicions from him. It wouldn’t do to muddy the waters, away his thoughts. “What about you, Hugs?”

He snarled. “I told you-“

“I know what your name is, I just like messing with you.” 

“That seems to be your prerogative.” Hux was suddenly aware of all the ears listening to him. “I lost something important because of _Starkiller Base_. This is the way to get it back.” 

“I don’t think they can make Hosnian Royals without Ho-“ Hux slammed his gloved palm on the table and Poe’s words died on his lips that remained open in surprise. 

“I’m not talking about my damn cigarettes.” He drummed his fingers on the table before pulling his hand back, eyes looked to them laced in his lap. “I didn’t even want to use _Starkiller_ , not on a whole system at least. An uninhabited planet or two. Show of force.”

“Yeah, Doc wouldn’t like that very much, would she?” Dameron expected more anger but he just saw the deepening sense of shame. “You’ll have to tell me the story of that one someday. After the war-“

“The General is awake!” 

* * *

“You really do remember me. I thought I’d be just another 6-digit alphanumeric to you.” Finn guided Aneirin through the state building and out into the open air of Naboo’s Capital Theed to find the hospital. She found it easier to keep up with his strides than her VDF compatriots which made for a pleasant stroll. 

“Of course, you were the leader of Phasma’s squad. You stood out.” Her voice remained impassive but the young man still found something in what she said humorous. 

“Yeah, I was too nice.”

“I think I am proof that there’s nothing wrong with that. I was considering your application very seriously given what would otherwise be called aberrant behavior for a stormtrooper.” 

“So then why wasn’t I transferred?” She didn’t answer for a few steps and her guide stopped in his tracks to turn to her. There was an elaborate fountain with some benches nearby, so she gestured to one. They sat down. 

“I had accepted the transfer. It was awaiting approval from High Command. Which also meant it had to be, in some sense, approved by Phasma. Who-“

“Wouldn’t have liked giving up her best trooper to be a doctor.” 

“In essence, yes. She was very cross with me, but to be fair, tensions were high at the time. I didn’t know it but a lot would happen in the wake of my signature on your file.” There was no sign of it but Aneirin vibrated with a nervous energy. Her companion caught onto it. 

“You seem different.” 

“I suppose.”

“Normally you’re smiling and calming, now you seem… empty.” Silence passed between them as she watched the fountain. “I guess more happened than I thought.” 

“It did, but it’s over now. In a way.” 

“Tell me something.” The turning of her head indicated to Finn that he could continue. “If we’re so alike… you must’ve been pretty mad, right?”

“Mad? No. But I was hurt. Deeply.” 

“I always thought it was strange, that someone like you would be with someone like him.” He watched her play with the pin on her lapel like she always did when in deep thought. 

“I know him probably better than he knows himself sometimes.” Aneirin stood up to continue their walk to the medical center. “Armitage is worth forgiving, even if it’s just by one person.”

Finn got to his feet as well to lead the way. “I take it you’re that person?” 

“We wouldn’t be talking right now if I didn’t forgive him.” 

The rest of their walk was quiet and uneventful. The former stormtrooper and a Republic physician watched as Doctor Reader assessed Leia’s condition. Despite the physician’s obvious distaste for the Academy-trained woman she was nothing but professional and explained everything as she did it. Having known the scope of their technology before she left the _Eir_ , she produced the formula for better bacta and had a canister of the strange goo delivered from their shuttle. 

The standard bacta had done most of the work but the new formula sped the process along. In the matter of a few hours, the sun not even set, they were able to wake the Princess. Tests were run to make sure there was no lasting damage but the older woman was as insistent as ever. While they sent word to the state building that she was recovered, she wanted to speak to the person who had helped her. 

“Seems I have a lot to thank you for.” They sat across from each other in a nice quiet waiting area of the medical center that overlooked a beautiful garden. Someone had brought tea and sweet biscuits, which were practically shoved into Aneirin’s mouth for her. 

“I am just doing the one thing that has never changed in my life.” 

“And what is that?”

“Helping people get better.” Leia smiled over the rim of her cup. Aneirin wasn’t bothered. 

“So, you bring my son back, bring me back, bring half of my enemy’s fleet. The supporting cry of a disruptive number of planets along with bolstering the confidence of the Republic.” She let the information hang in the air. “What do you get in return?”

“I want to finally be able to go home.” A silvery eyebrow was raised, beckoning her to continue. “And I want Armitage to be able to go with me.” 

“That’s a tall order.” 

“I think we can come to a reasonable agreement.” 

“Well,” Dameron’s voice called from a connecting hallway, “I’m hoping we’ve at least mostly reached a suitable agreement.” 

Leia have a suffering sigh, rolled her eyes, and gave Aneirin an expression of female camaraderie. “Do you ever have to deal with this?”

“Have you ever been in a room full of doctors?” The princess laughed and there was a faint hint of a smile on the other woman’s face. She watched as the older General stood up and made her way over to the group who’d come to see her. Kylo attempted to look unaffected by his mother’s presence, remaining tall and brooding. Until a hand grabbed one of his large ears, tugging him to bend at the waist down to her level. Several onlookers attempted to hide their laughter behind hands, Hux barely containing his. 

“Ben, I love you, but what in the hell am I supposed to say to you?” 

“I think I can explain, mother, if you’d-“

“Oh, Ben, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Leia released her hold on her son. “I’m offended, Ben. You won’t listen to your own mother but here you are because of a girl.” 

“Mother-“

“Though I have to admit I’m impressed you’d pick the compassionate route.” She muscled last the gaggle of people waiting to talk to her. “Come on, we have a war to win!”

* * *

There was more debate about the nature of the alliance but it wasn’t long before the combined fleet zeroed in on the last of the First Order. The change in titles seemed entirely unnecessary but Hux would admit to himself that being called ‘Vice Admiral’ while he was at last in command of the _Supremacy_ , something he’d always dreamed of, was exhilarating. The _Finalizer_ , which he was still a bit attached to, was left in the hands of newly-minted Captain Mitaka. Admiral Reader barged her way into the _Supremacy_ ’s main medical bay after the former Chief Medical Officer was removed, leaving the _Eir_ still in the very capable hands of its normal Captains. Kylo Ren and the scavenger girl Rey had butted heads about who would pilot the _Millenium Falcon_ , it had been somehow determined that Ren would be at the helm during the firefight and subsequent landing. Captain Phasma and her old favorite soldier Finn formed the spearhead of the ground troops. 

With half their forces gone, a crumbling leadership all they had to cling to, the First Order didn’t stand much of a chance. There were Resistance losses but they didn’t nearly match those of their enemies; there were far more blank Stormtrooper chestplates on the ground than ones emblazoned with edelweisses and names. The medical bays were not as hectic as their crew expected in the final battle of a war. 

There remained one last thing as the enemy ships were cleared from the system’s space, the first part of their plan complete.

Armitage Hux, former General of the First Order, Vice Admiral of the Valkyrie Defense Force, Commander of the _Supremacy_ , stood on his bridge, barking orders and watching the military installation be bombarded from orbit. It was the last bastion of the First Order, a crippled shadow of the Galactic Empire, a husk of the Galactic Republic from the days of the Jedi, when Palpatine was Senator and not Emperor. Once he’d dreamed of restoring the galaxy to that former glory, saw himself one day sitting in a chair of immeasurable power with people at his mercy. The whole galaxy his to control and put in its place. 

“Stage 2 of Operation Kickass complete, requesting VDF cease planetary bombardment.” Commander Poe Dameron had once been a thorn in his side, had been a source of embarrassment, and while he continued to be a hotheaded pilot, Hux had to admit he was good at what he did. 

“Dameron, we’re still not calling it that, stop being such a pill.” General Leia Organa had been in constant contact with the _Supremacy_ and it had taken a while for Vice Admiral Hux to get used to it. He still gave the order for the bombardment to be put on hold so that smaller attack crafts could take low sweeps. The _Falcon_ and other personnel carriers would bring ground troops closer to the base to capture or eliminate any remaining forces. When all-clears came in from Ren, Phasma, Rey, and Finn, Leia announced the end of the war like a doctor calling a patient’s time of death.

“It’s not truly over, though, is it?” Admiral Reader’s sudden presence had Hux jumping slightly, his heartbeat quickening from fright. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly between his lips. 

“No, there is still much to do.” The First Order has come from a splintered Empire, the remnants given room and time to build back up. The New Republic couldn’t afford to let that happen again. 

He was watching the fighters come away from the planet to rejoin their parent starships when he felt something touch his gloved hand by his side. Realizing it was a small hand his fingers curled around it, glad for the first real contact since before _Starkiller Base_ ’s use and subsequent destruction. Without a word his body was turned and he found himself face-to-face with the Admiral. Her other hand, bare and still warm because they were always warm, touched his cheek. Vice Admiral Hux leaned down, green eyes staring into blue, lips hovering above the other pair, waiting to be told no. When she pressed back, his hand instinctively went to the small of her back to pull her into an embrace and deepen the kiss. The few officers he’d brought over from the _Finalizer_ clapped and whistled, but most were cheering and celebrating the end of the war. 

* * *

The Valkyrie Defense Force and the Republic Navy were tasked with snuffing out any remaining First Order forces or sympathizers. The Navy remained closer to loyal Republic planets while the stronger VDF combed the outer regions, rendering aid where it was needed in wake of the war. The weeks and sometimes months where the _Supremacy_ was separated from the _Eir_ and her guardians were difficult on Vice Admiral Armitage Hux, so he cherished when the two ships would come together. 

Admiral Aneirin Reader was sitting on his blue sofa, brought over from the _Finalizer_ that was now permanently under the command of Captain Dopheld Mitaka, drinking tea with a mess of red hair in her lap. She stroked his back absentmindedly, receiving periodic deep sighs of relaxation and impending need for sleep. He didn’t sleep well while she was gone, but it was better than when she refused to occupy the same private space with him. His new quarters held some of her personal belongings, most of her things taken back to the _Eir_ where she resumed her research and command of the ship, Captain-Doctor Taipaw having become Chief Medical Officer of the _Supremacy_. 

“When did you know you liked me?” Her short fingers combed through his hair to keep him awake. “You’ve had plenty of other people.”

“I don’t know if you really want to hear that story.” His voice was dark and deep. She chuckled.

“Humor me.”

* * *

After a long day of classes, Cadet Armitage Hux decided to take a moment to lie down on his bed and enjoy some silence. At first it seemed innocent enough, his mind filtering through the day’s events, until he started replaying the one little moment he’d caught sight of Cadet Reader from behind in the stairwell. Over and over again the little scene distracted him, noticing the way she stepped with the big uniform boots or how tight the fabric of her slacks were against an ample backside and the strong thighs that supported it. The thought of it stirred some inner desires that he usually had the power to control, but the more it insisted itself the less he was able to think of anything other than the shape of her lips or the way blue eyes sparkled when she looked at him.

Eventually Hux resigned himself to freeing his erection from the fabric prison of his own uniform and started to firmly stroke himself. As the touch excited him more he thought more about the curve of her breasts under her cotton shirt or the way her laugh made his stomach flip. He transitioned from memories of her to fantasies. Slowly taking off her uniform. The softness of her lips against his and how she would look with his cock in her mouth. His pace quickened as he thought about sliding his fingers into her, watching her squirm with pleasure, the sound of her moaning his name. It was time for him to be Aneirin’s first lover and he teased her by rubbing her clit with the head of his cock, her breath hitching with the sensation.

He imagined whispering encouraging words as he slowly accommodated the smaller cadet to his size, letting her dig her perfectly cleaned fingernails into his skin. He would drown her moans in his mouth as he slowly rocked back and forth, making sure to roll his hips to provide just the right amount of friction. His name on her lips like it’s the only word she knew and he quickened his pace as she pleaded for him to give her more. Her muscles clench around him, sealing his fate and he removes himself in time to finish his orgasm on her bare stomach, a trail of white ending with a glob on her cheek from how forceful the spasming of his muscles would be.

In reality he was in his moment of pure ecstasy, speaking Aneirin’s name into the air.

* * *

“I caught you, you know.” The new information had Hux sitting up quickly, nearly causing her to spill her tea and the sudden movement making him lightheaded. 

“What?” His face turned bright red once the blood came back to his head, even his ears turned red.

“I came to give you a book, the door was unlocked and I had heard you say my name. It was like a mid-flight collision, I couldn’t look away while you finished yourself off. I dropped it on your table and rushed out.” She laughed as her partner looked ready to crawl into an asteroid crater to die. “Okay, tell me something else.”

“Haven’t I been punished enough?” Aneirin tucked some of his loose hair back behind his ear where it was getting a bit long. 

“How about when you knew you loved me?” There was a moment of silence but a smile spread over his face.

“That night I saved you from jumping off the dormitory roof. I knew that if you were gone I would be empty.” Sadness tinged his voice at the memory and she pressed a soothing kiss to his lips. 

“You barely knew me then.” Hux shook his head. 

“I knew even then. I was never so sure of something in my life.”

* * *

It took a long time to sweep an entire galaxy. It was just as well, because as part of their agreement to not be imprisoned for war crimes, the former First Order members were assigned a certain amount of time in service to the Valkyrie Defence Force in accordance with whatever they would’ve been found guilty of. Many volunteered their time past their ‘sentence’ and they even picked some new crews up as they went around. Admiral Reader, along with many medical crews and the more ‘labor’ crewmembers, were given little required time, while Vice Admiral Hux was given until the age of 55. Some had considered 20 years light, but given his essential function in forming the VDF, his part in the final battle, the good word of one certain ‘war hero’, and the consideration of potential outside influences, Princess Organa convinced the council in charge of ‘community service’ to the two decades of service if he was also contained to the Corsaira system once retired.

Every day Armitage worried that Aneirin would quit suddenly to go back to her home world. Worried that she didn’t want to wait around 20 years for him to be relatively free. It filled him with an anxiety he should’ve been used to after all of his years as a First Order officer. Nothing about her attitude or communications implied any of his worries were justified but he decided to act anyways.

The ceremony hadn’t been grand- Hux performed it while they were both sitting on the sofa in his quarters on the _Supremacy_ and it was the most romantic thing to the meek doctor. It was just like their time together; quiet and intimate. When the Admirals finished their exchange of words Aneirin thought that they would just go back to their reports, but he got up on his long legs and walked over to the record player that she’d gifted him. She recognized the song he chose as one they’d danced to the night of the graduation gala; he must’ve looked for it beforehand to have found the album and song so quickly. It made her realize he’d planned this and she smiled.

She put down her datapad once again and he pulled her to her feet with a gentle tug of his hand. The two of them danced in little circles around the den; he laughed and it made her stomach flip. His green eyes shined as he watched her intently. “You were such a horrid dancer.”

“Shush, I was nervous. The handsome Cadet Hux, asking me to dance.” He squeezed her hand and she blushed; Aneirin could see the color brighten in his cheeks under the faint freckles. “We were very dumb back then.”

“I was the dumb one. I shouldn’t have cared about what other people thought.” She tilted her head, a silent question. “I had to seem cold and uninterested in such useless emotions. I also didn’t want father to use you against me.” She hummed her agreement, not having realized he’d never asked her to be special to him because of other people. “I wish I’d kissed you all of those times we were so close.”

“I always thought you just wanted to be my friend and that you were bad at telling me.” Aneirin always knew him to hold his emotions close to his chest, trying to appear emotionless and calculating.

“I did want to be your friend… and then I wanted to be more.” He looked briefly away, a look of guilt on his face. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you in the past. I regret driving you away with _Starkiller_ -“ 

Aneirin stopped dancing to get on her toes to silence him with a kiss. “I know.” 

“I love you, very much. If I had been asked to choose between the First Order and you, I’d have choose you in a heartbeat.”

“Well, good news,” she smiled up at him, “I love you too, and only 18 more years before you can come home with me.”

“Home,” Armitage said to himself, a soft smile spreading on his own lips, “it’ll be nice to finally have a place to call a real home.”

* * *

“So we sit. And wait to catch something?”

“We also get drunk and enjoy the outside.”

“You know I like at least one of those things.” Hux had actually gotten used to laughing in Aneirin’s presence, it was something he had to learn but as soon as it felt natural it was easy. Retirement forced him to learn how to do a lot of things; be centered to one place, not having reports to do, and hearing the sounds of nature instead of the steady hum of air recyclers. There was no one to order around, no tasks to make sure got done properly, not even droids to avoid getting under foot or even making sure his uniforms were properly cleaned and pressed. Living in the two-story house surrounded by trees that lulled him to sleep with their gentle rustling in the wind was probably the exact opposite of being an Admiral on a star destroyer.

It was like a story from the children’s book he’d had as a young child, the one his father had burned when he’d found young Armitage reading it to himself in the closet by the light of a flashlight. In the name of love, Admiral Hux ended the war and the Republic won. For years they swept the galaxy, snuffing out the remaining loyalists and bringing aid to planets ravaged by the predatory actions of the First Order High Command. Together they’d stood and watched the last bastion of their former masters burn in a bright blaze. All because at the age of 18, two cadets fell in love without the other knowing. It seemed like fate and only fitting for them to retire to her home planet where he’d come to retrieve her after the _Starkiller Base_ incident, where he felt the full weight of guilt for destroying the Hosnian System. Despite being cleansed of the crime, he still bore it like a black mark on his soul.

At first it was difficult. Old habits were hard to break. Getting ready in the morning was roughly the same; shower, shave, get dressed. But now his clothes were button-down shirts and black straight-leg slacks secured with a simple leather belt. He traded in the standard issue boots for the rugged waterproof ones that Corsairans favored, but the gabberwool great coat, sans its decorations, still hung in the front hall closet, next to her own, for the colder months. Eventually he stopped styling his hair after he noticed she played with it more while it laid naturally against his head; he enjoyed the attention so he did away with the affectation and found that over time this felt just as comfortable. Then came the addition of the loose-fitting soft plaid shirts that his loving wife favored, a stark contrast to the prim uniform. So that’s how he looked sitting at the back of the wooden fishing boat that had supposedly been in her family for generations; flannel shirt unbuttoned to reveal the black simple shirt underneath, a pair of thick blue cotton pants, and those comfortable boots. With the neatly trimmed beard and wind-blown hair all peppered with grey among the copper strands, none of his former acquaintances would’ve recognized him. He took a sip from the bottle of Corsairan whisky they shared and puffed on his hand-rolled cigarette as their hands held on to each other’s, both watching the waves as they lapped around them.

Military life hadn’t allowed him to develop hobbies and he didn’t know what to do with himself with nowhere to be or nothing in particular to do, so Ani had to introduce him to a host of possible activities. It was hit or miss and it led to a few angry storm-offs that had him apologizing profusely at dinner with a bunch of wildflowers. Trial and error revealed that he actually enjoyed day-hikes through the mountains and rolling green hills, though his favorite part was listening to her talk about everything they passed because he could listen to her read a dictionary. He enjoyed his solitude from time to time, as did she, and he was thankful for her understanding when he needed space just as much as he needed to be around her. During those times he would find a book in her massive library and read by a fire or in the garden under the shade of an old apple tree. Or he would take a small walk on his own, reminded of the trek he took to her village years before. He visited the Home of the Mountain Mothers once a month to place flowers on his mother’s grave, wishing he could speak to her just once instead of relying on her meager material possessions to feel like he had a connection. On his way back he would find his wife pulling the weeds growing around her parents’ stones and they would walk home together.

Hux had also gotten into gardening, something that every Corsairan seemed to enjoy in some form or another. In their backyard was a large plot for vegetables that he was very rigorous about taking care of once he learned the ins and outs of proper garden maintenance. Their property was also home to berry bushes, fruit and nut trees, a flower garden, and six hens. It had taken a lot of time for the normally image- and cleanliness-obsessed former Admiral to be okay with getting his hands and clothes dirty, but now he almost loved the feeling and smell of soil. Even in their fifties he was feeling almost better than he did in his thirties, and he owed it, he surmised, to the open air, sunlight, and wonderful cooking. There was probably something to be said about his lowered intake of tobacco and alcohol, or the reduction in stress, or the fact that he smiled and laughed more than he ever did in his entire life. Eventually he started sleeping in until Ani got up and made breakfast and he found that lying around in bed was just as appealing as any other activity sometimes.

On occasion Armitage was called into the capital or another major city to talk about himself, he wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be a punishment to speak to children about who he used to be. He however found them more curious about how good he was at certain games, his engineering interests, and the romance between the two retired admirals. A young man once asked him ‘after all this time are you still in love?’ “I’ll tell you that last week she left for Malarra to speak at a medical conference and I practically waited at the door for her to come back.”

While technically retired, Aneirin was still young enough that being active in the medical community wasn’t out of the question. There were times when her other half was consulted on recycling and repurposing efforts or advancements in efficiency of their technology. Sometimes he went with her on her trips without something to do planned, to explore the cities or outlying villages. Once he got to meet up close the dragon that had seen them off of the planet more than two decades prior and a visit to the capital allowed him to see the difference that time made to the one Ewan Crath was in charge of keeping. Armitage met a plethora of creatures that managed to take his breath away every time. 

Over time, he grew into the pleasant simple life that he’d once thought would be the death of him. He enjoyed canning their harvests and it even brought a smile to his face sharing their extras with people who could use it. At his insistence they’d gotten a pair of horses to ride for pleasure and taking longer trips. There of course was one of the four-wheeled electric transports sitting in their garage but he had a hard time being the passenger when Ani drove in any vehicle and the animals offered more personality. A group of cats had moved into their barn and he of course fell in love with them. Hux had even fallen in love with his wife’s herd of rescued canines that followed her around or lounged in laziness. There was almost nothing he didn’t enjoy about his new life, not even Kylo Ren’s infrequent visits proved to ruin his mood. The man came around to the planet sometimes to speak with Corsaira’s Force Users, the Magi, and dropped in to visit with the good doctor at some point before leaving. Hux realized that it had never really registered in his mind that the two had become something like friends after the initial harshness of their first months on the _Finalizer_ together had worn away. At the time it had confused the then-General why the Knight-Commander decided to aid in ending the war by turning on the Order after the death of Supreme Leader Snoke, but now he realized what a powerful bond friendship could be.

“Frack!” He shouted as he felt the strong vibration from something large snagging the hook on his pole. They’d gone fishing before many times on rivers and in lakes, but he had never been on the ocean. His wife cheered as she helped him pull it in and he marveled at the size of it, longer than him and probably weighed almost as much. He watched as she put it out of its misery after deciding it would be perfect to take back home and shoved it into a recessed bin full of ice along with the smaller one she’d caught earlier while he was in his reverie. Her smile was infectious.

“Pretty fun, right? The village will be excited. Ready to go home, Admiral?” He leaned down and placed a tender kiss to her sweaty brow.

“When I’m with you, I’m always home.” He grinned as she laughed.

“You’re such a sap, but I wouldn’t have you any other way. Love you, Armie.”

“Love you too, Ani.”

### The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make horrible jokes and don't expect anyone to get them
> 
>  _Craft AH-1729_ : Obvious AH = Armitage Hux, but 1729 is the Hardy-Ramanujan number, or the smallest number expressible as the sum of two cubes in two different ways. For the sake of a joke Aneirin is born in '1729 A.H.' (A.H. = Anno Heredis) according to the Corsairan date system. 
> 
> _VDF Shuttle AR-0120_ : Why yes AR = Aneirin Reader, but also 120 is the number 15 in trinary so 'AR-15' (yes the assault rifle)
> 
>  _Rakata Prime_ : I loved Knights of the Old Republic so this was kind of a little made-up nod to the final planet in the first game!
> 
> The intention of the use of the edelweiss was a reference to the _Edelweiss Pirates_ , an anti-Nazi youth group during the Third Reich. (and yes I do not it was also used by the Nazis but it has been a symbol for many cultures and people in the region long before them, I can see the misunderstanding.)


	13. Supplement A: Mauerbauertraurigkeit [Armitage Hux]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into the chaotic mind of Armitage Hux during his time in Arkanis Academy and his parting words to Doctor Reader on Station Gamma-Five.

Mauerbauertraurigkeit \- _The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like._

* * *

## Supplement A.1: Arkanis Academy

  
_You’re fucking garbage. Pretend you’re not garbage. Pretend until you’re no longer garbage._

  
_It’s not working, you’re definitely worthless. Father was right, useless useless useless, should’ve thrown you off a cliff, shoved you through an airlock._

**Oh, look, one of the medical students. Wow, I’ve never seen someone so short. Or pretty.**

  
_No, idiot, no one would ever want you, scrawny fuckface._

**Holy shit she’s smiling. She’s smiling at me. Stars, I’m making someone smile.**

  
_Self-centered asshole, she’s just being nice._

**Nice? Nice. She’s being nice. To me. Someone is being nice to me. Nice. Kind. Soft. Gentle.**

  
_You don’t deserve it, you pale bean pole. She’s sucking up, she knows who your father is._

**Oh, where did she go? She was nice. Pretty. I want to see her again.**

  
_Shut up, bastard, she’s too good for you. You don’t deserve love. That’s why Father hates you. That’s why mother abandoned you._

**But Cecilia is nice. Sometimes. She’s better than father. When she bumps into me she apologizes. She gave me candy when she got drunk on cheap wine. I don’t like sweets but she was nice. Cecilia is nice.**

  
_No she isn’t, she hates you, you’re proof of your father’s infidelity. She hates him and she hates you. You’re awful and terrible just like your father. You_

  
_Pale_

  
_Red-haired_

  
_Scrawny_

  
_Useless_

  
_Weak_

**Oh she’s looking at me again. She sees me. I’m real. That’s right, I’m a person. Real. Here.**

  
_She’s making fun of you with her friends. You don’t deserve friends. You’re worthless. You_

**What is she doing? What’s that supposed to mean? Oh. Drink water. Right, it’s hot, I’m exerting myself, I should drink water. She’s so kind, reminding me to take care of myself. She can take care of me. She**

  
_You deserved that hit. You’ve deserved every hit. Your father is right to punish you. How dare you ask him for a favor. How dare you_

**She smells so nice. She’s so gentle. She’s so smart, making something on her own. She’s so sweet, making this for me. For me. She’s helping me. Taking care of me. I want to kiss her. I want to**

  
**Love**

  
**Me**

  
**Please**

  
_Why do you keep giving her things? She won’t love you. You’re disgusting. She is an angel and you’re just a little worm. You’re nothing but a_

**She’s so beautiful. I don’t even care she’s stepping on my toes. If she wanted to I’d let her step on me. But she wouldn’t because she’s sweet and kind. I can’t believe I’m dancing with her. Holding her. She smells so nice. This music is nice, I wonder what it’s about. Are they love songs? Does she think about me? Did she talk to her family about me? Would her father like me? I’m going to miss her. I should kiss her.**

**Kiss her.**

**Kiss her.**

**Kiss**

**Her**

  
_You can’t even fucking_

  
**KISS**

  
**HER**

**_KISSHERKISSHERKISSHERKI_ **

  
_Worthless fucking idiot bastard cunt useless slip of paper no one will ever love you you piece of_

**She’s looking at me. She’s looking at me. We’re on the same ship. It’s fate, we’re meant to be together. I’m going to tell her how I feel. I’m going to do it. I’m going to tell her that**

  
**_I’m nothing._**

**Without her.**

  
**_I’m an idiot._**

  
_Because **I love her.**_

  
**I love her.**

  
**Love**

  
**Me**

  
**Please**

  
**I**

  
**Am**

#### 

_**Broken** _

* * *

## Supplement A.2: _Station Gamma-Five_

“It hurt to read, your father deserves nothing better than—“

  
_This is it, she knows your horrible secret. She knows you’re weak and frail and_

“I don’t need your sympathy, Doctor.”

 **Yes I do.**

“I’m sorry, I just—“

  
_‘I just want to crush you under my boot like a bug.’_

“You deserve this station.”

 **You deserve love and happiness and I cannot give that to you.**

“Please, let me explain.”

  
_She just wants to wrap you around her finger like the pathetic piece of trash you are._

“No matter your excuse, it doesn’t change anything between us. Goodbye.”

 **No, not goodbye. Please not goodbye. Why did I say that? Stay! STAY!**

_G_ **STAY** _O!_

  
_Finally you realize you’re nothing more than a loyal pet to be ordered around._

“I care about you. I know you care about me.”

 **Stars she cares about me? She really does? This isn’t a dream? This**

  
_Is your fucking nightmare. Run away, coward. Run away like you always dude. There’s nothing for you here._

“I can help. Just talk to me.”

 **Yes, please, please help me. Please**

  
_You can’t be helped. You can’t be fixed. You are nothing._

“I can’t believe you’ve made it this far.”

 **No no no she is so strong**

“What a disgrace to the First Order.”

 **NO! She is better than all of us! She**

  
_Doesn’t care about you, useless child._

**Nonononono you’re a LIAR you**

“We need each other, we work great together.”

 **We do, we really do, we**

  
_Are walking away. You don’t deserve happiness._

“Don’t leave me in this manner…”

 **I don’t want to, I want to stay, I want to hold you, I want to kiss you, I**

“There’s nothing you could say that would make me stay. You’re a liability.”

  
_You’re the liability. You’re weak. You can’t protect her. She’ll die. Rebels will destroy her. They’ll paint themselves with her pretty red blood. You’ll have killed her._

**I have to protect her. From me.**

  
**_From us_ **

  
_From me_

**I love her. I love her so I have to leave. This is what’s best for her.**

**For us**

  
_For me_

“You came to me, obviously wanting something between us, and now you don’t even want to be friends? Someday we might end up on the same assignment or we’d-“

 **I can’t be with her. I can only walk away. I have to walk away. This is best. I have to do what is best. I love her and I have to walk away. I can’t protect her. This is what’s best.**

  
_That means that_

  
**_We have to be better._**

**I’ll come back. I promise. Everything I do from here on out will be for her. I will always love her.**

**Always.**


	14. Supplement B: Positive Reinforcement [Kylo Ren]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into the relationship between Knight Commander Kylo Ren and Doctor General Aneirin Reader, featuring General Armitage Hux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ren actually becomes introspective and thoughtful. Hux and Ren manage to be friends. They laugh, it's scary.

_If evil should rear its head, a knight in you it will find;_   
_If a friend should you be blessed, a guardian in you they will cherish;_   
_If the earth and the sky should whisper to you; a listener you must be;_   
_For to ignore your heart is foolishness indeed._

* * *

Kylo Ren didn’t like their new Chief Medical Officer any more than he liked the last one; actually, he could say with certainty that he hated her. She was willful, stubborn, nice, and she made him feel weird. He couldn’t read her at all and that annoyed him to no end, so whenever he saw her his displeasure was made known by use of the Force. He had to hand it to her, she managed to get back up every time and brush herself off before moving on. Normally everyone cowered at the sight of him, practically fled if they could when he entered a room, but she stood with all the height that the Force had granted her and made her presence solid so he had no choice but to acknowledge that she existed.

She’d been too sweet when he finally submitted to her prodding after being harassed and finally rendered unable to do anything, even outsmarted into surrendering. Doctor Reader had been concerned about his comfort as he was subjected to her infernal vaccines, apologizing for the sharp sting of the needles sinking into his fleshy bicep. The Force would protect him, she didn’t understand that. “Just imagine this is for when the Force decides not to protect you anymore, Kylo.” 

He did not like the thought of the Force suddenly deciding to cast him aside. If such a day came, he would lose his strength and become… _useless_. Ren refused to be useless, powerless, or else he’d be cast aside, unwanted. 

While he was displeased by her calm kindness, the way she softly smiled at him and talked evenly when they had to speak was even more irritating. It wasn’t her intention, but it mocked him. General Hux was always telling him to calm down, to not be such a brat, and here was this new general being a prime example of the model officer behavior. Kylo knew that the medical officer had been requested and it didn’t take a large mental leap to think she’d been chosen to be that example. 

He inwardly groaned when the turbolift he summoned opened to reveal Doctor Reader already inside and not stepping off. The Force was not forgiving and she spoke up. “Congratulations, Ren.”

“Excuse me?” His vocoder usually added a menacing tone to his voice but she’d never seemed very affected. Of course he couldn’t read even just her surface thoughts to see if she was ever afraid, he had to rely on reading her body language instead. She merely smiled at him. Genuinely. 

“I saw in the training room logs that you beat a personal best. It is very difficult to reach and overcome our limitations.” There was a pause. Under his helmet his eyebrows drew down in confusion. “I am proud of you. Your dedication is admirable.” 

The turbolift stopped and she left. Ren expected himself to sigh in relief, but underneath the mask he was… smiling. 

It apparently did not take much for his spirits to be uplifted. Normally buried in a pit of hate and despair, he expected to never be truly happy, but that was acceptable as true power came from focusing one’s anger and pain. The small amount of praise was just as potent, the words playing over in his mind the next time he was in the training room. He pushed and pushed, ignored pain and the crying out of a body fatigued, all because he wanted to hear new praise. 

“Overextended yourself, huh?” Kylo grumbled his displeasure as Doctor Reader worked. He’d somehow managed to separate a muscle from its bone, which had hurt like a bitch. “Must have taken a lot of effort, I’m impressed. But I would really appreciate it if you try not to do this again, okay?”

It wasn’t exactly praise. Well, she did say she was impressed. This time it was the warning, said with concern and care instead of like a parent scolding their child. True concern for his well being. He mattered, was an essential part of the universe. The concept was normally laughable. “I will try.” 

“Thank you, Kylo. As happy as I am to fix you up, I would feel better knowing you’ll take care of yourself too.” She finished binding the injury, told him to see her in a couple of days, and smiled at him as he left. 

Of course if he was called upon for a mission then he would be expected to disregard her advice, a man as powerful as him couldn’t sit around waiting for such minor wounds to heal. He didn’t lose faith in the Force so much as he gained a new respect for the people it did not manifest in. Though it still bothered him how flippant the doctor was about its all-powerful use while she remained immune to his mental prodding and convincing. Kylo for once found himself hoping that his master didn’t call upon him until the injury was healed, if only to avoid disappointing the small general by not doing what was in his body’s best interest.

* * *

It had come as much surprise for his quarters to be visited. No one came there, no one dared to press the call button on the security panel in the hallway. When he probed out with the Force he felt the familiar-but-unnerving blunt wall he’d come to know as the Chief Medical Officer. With a heavy sigh he got off the floor where he’d been working some more on his lightsaber, always trying to fix it, and made his way to open the door. Doctor Reader was stubborn and foolish enough to put in her security override, he might as well cut out the middle man. Looking down he saw her holding a container. Faintly he smelled something other than her usual sterile and slightly fruity scent. 

“Sorry to disturb you, Ren, but I made this and I’m afraid I made too much. It’s a very high-protein composition that I think would fit well with your strenuous ha-“ 

Kylo took the container into his much larger hands, the sudden act silencing his harasser, and he opened the lid. It smelled and looked amazing. He hadn’t bothered with a hand-made meal in years. “It will be acceptable.” 

Her face lit up and he was thankful he had a superior control over his body’s more useless functions, such as blushing. Actually, he didn’t have such good control as he thought, as color did rise in his cheeks and his lips squirmed. Maybe being taken care of a little wouldn’t be so bad. One less thing to worry about. “I hope you enjoy it. Good night, Ren.”

“Good night, Doctor.”

* * *

As much as he disliked having an audience, he hadn’t made any argument when the Chief Medical Officer sat in on his training. She’d offered no comment, which was a relief, but her presence was still a little too distracting for comfort. _Fine,_ he thought to himself, _just think of it as another part of your training._

When the last training droid fell and he took a moment to catch his breath, the doctor took up a round of applause. He was about to huff his way past her, feeling ridiculed, but Aneirin spoke up. “I’ve noticed your gait is abnormal, does it not bother you?” 

“I’m fine.” His attempt to intimidate her was unsuccessful. 

“I imagine it would be painful after sustained motion, and possibly make fighting more difficult than necessary.” 

“I said I am fine. I don’t need you fixing things for me, that is what the Force is for.” He thought he’d finally gotten her to stop but she spoke up again. 

“What if the Force brought us together in order for me to fix things for you?” Her face was hopeful and Ren was thankful it wasn’t smug when he realized he’d been cornered or else he might have slammed her against a wall. His sigh of defeat prompted her to break into a grin. “When you have time, I want to see you in my office so I can make your life a little easier.”

* * *

Meditation was a decidedly Jedi thing, the Sith and other darksiders forewent the calm and serenity in favor of bathing in the intensity of emotions. However, Ren’s emotions were often chaotic and nebulous, lending themselves to great but unfocused power. Thus he sought meditation to not squash his emotions but to harness them, bend them to his will. That practice left a disgusting taste in his mouth, the memory of having to sit still under Uncle Luke’s watchful eye an unhappy one. Sometimes Kylo would sit with the other knights but for the most part he would be alone in his chambers. After a light exercise he walked through the rec-deck to return to said rooms, but he stopped in front of a door at the sight of a familiar small blonde. 

The room was dimly lit by the warm glow of candles, filled with the scent of lavender, and the sound of steady rain came softly over a speaker. Doctor Reader was stretching, transitioning from pose to pose in fluid motions and holding them for regular amounts of time. Ren entered on quiet feet, though he regretted it when she opened her eyes, saw his reflection in the transparisteel viewport, and shrieked in surprise. Gulping down breaths and clutching the cloth over her chest, she squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to calm herself before breaking into laughter. “Stars almighty you know how to sneak up on somebody.”

“It wasn’t my intention.” Kylo made to leave, to run away from the situation. 

“Did you want to join me?” His feet stopped their retreat. 

Somehow he ended up on the floor, the unlikely pair facing each other so that he could mimic her forms. The combination of candles, background noise, and increased atmospheric heat made Kylo more relaxed than he’d ever been. He also wouldn’t complain about about the pleasant sensation their stretches induced. “What is your reason for doing this, Doctor?”

“To empty my mind. Relax. Those sorts of things.” She straightened her back into her next pose and was bold enough to look directly into his eyes. “What is your reason, Master Ren?”

“I seek to focus my anger.” 

“We differ greatly.” Ren followed her next transition, finding himself on his back. “In the moment I must only be thinking about my patient and everything I’ve learned. My hands must be quick and my mind sharp. There’s no room for emotion. When shield and spear fail, I am the last defense against death.”

“You would have made a good Jedi.” He wasn’t sure why he said it, let alone thought it. He did not admire the Jedi. It still came out as a compliment.

She chuckled. “I’m not sure about that. When everything slows down and I can take a breath… it hits me, all at once. The people I lose are each nails in my heart, their faces and names becoming characters in my dreams…”

“That is a great burden to bear. For someone like you.” They weren’t close enough for him to share the names and faces he was haunted by, the very few of his kills that meant much more. He was suddenly aware that they were just lying on the floor, no longer continuing a sequence of motions but instead… sitting in each other’s company. 

“This helps, sometimes. Sometimes nothing does. Sometimes I eat too much or too little. Sleep all day or not at all.” There was a pause of silence. “Given my profession I am of course not a proponent of killing, except in the case of self-defense and… difficult moral conundrums. But that aside, I admire that you can bear and shrug off the burden. My ancestors were fierce warriors, I had always looked up to them, envied them… I do not understand the Force, the line between the dark and the light. But I am sure that even you must make difficult decisions, maybe even do things you do not agree with because of a high power’s advisement.” 

Kylo could not vocalize neither his agreement nor disagreements, instead his mind turning over this source of light’s apparent belief in the shifting nature of the dark powers within him. “You do not despise me?”

“No. Despise is strong, unchangeable. You have made decisions I do not agree with, ones I find amoral. But I do not believe the darkside makes one inherently evil and wicked. Many forces have been painted as such, but… isn’t it the person wielding that power, that determines its alignment?” The Doctor got to her feet and went around the room snuffing the candles and turned off the speaker making the rain sounds. Ren remained on the floor, staring at the black durasteel ceiling. “I do this every other day, same time, if you want to join me again.”

* * *

The two generals were spending too much time together for Kylo’s comfort. He caught them talking about matters that did not concern the ship or even the First Order at all, not that he entirely cared about the organization beyond its role as the plow that cleared his way to ultimate power. Once he even saw the red-haired man smile and laugh, it boiled the Knight’s blood. They exchanged looks that he remembered his father and mother having once upon a time. He didn’t like what that meant. 

“Why do you like that slimy radroach?” Kylo had been regularly sitting in on the doctor’s relaxation sessions, when he didn’t have something else he was supposed to be doing, and sometimes he even gave her some insight into his own techniques. It didn’t take ten minutes before he couldn’t take it any longer. 

She turned to him, her expression hurt. His anger just slightly won out against his regret. “I don’t know who that is supposed to mean, but I don’t really like you talking like that about someone.”

“The general,” he growled through gritted teeth. Her face became complicated as she no doubt formulated her response, a slight rise in offense pushed into submission by something else, something Kylo would come to think of as… beautiful. 

“When I left home and went to Academy… he was my only real friend. He made me feel like I wasn’t alone, even if he was a little harsh sometimes, a little cold…” A faint smile graced her lips and even in the dim light he could see color bloom on her cheeks. “He saved me. I lost all confidence in myself, in life… He could’ve let me fall, I’m sure a lot of those cadets would have… But he pulled me away and he said something that’s been with me ever since. ‘You’re still here, that’s all that matters.’ He didn’t say it, but I felt like I mattered to him.”

Had any other person regaled such stories of tenderness and compassion, Kylo would have used them to paint General Hux even more of a weakling. Somehow the medium had changed the message. Everyone thought of the ginger bastard as disloyal, a paranoid who would stab anyone in the back so he could step on their necks to get higher up. At least one Knight now saw a man trying to guide and bolster those who would succeed, who needed just a little push. Who would offer his own neck to be stepped on to the right person. 

That didn’t exactly mean Ren was going to like him. 

“You’ve ruined the whole blasted thing! I’m beginning to think you like irritating me and ruining my missions!” It was easy for that pale thin face to turn red with anger. He even stamped his foot. This had Ren so annoyed he reached out, clawed his gloved fingers, and he relished in the sight of those shiny boots just barely touching the floor. 

“Kylo!” The terrified shout had him dropping the man suddenly and he watched as a white coat sailed by to help the general find his balance. The commander didn’t wait around to be scolded further, he merely stomped off in the direction of the rec-deck. He was about twenty minutes into slicing up training droids when the door opened and he nearly cleaved the intruder in two. He would’ve probably gone mad with contrition if he hadn’t stopped himself. Blue eyes, just a little startled, shined red with the glow of his lightsaber, which he extinguished. “Master Ren, I-“

“I am a child throwing a tantrum, I need to grow up and act right, I know.” He was angry, but it wasn’t focused on any one identifiable thing. The way she called him ‘Master Ren,’ the thought that she would talk to him the way everyone else who deigned to control him does, or the way she’d looked at him with fear. When his eyes met hers again they were not fearful, but instead soft and kind, a little sad. 

“Armitage shouldn’t have talked to you like that, it wasn’t constructive.” Kylo couldn’t believe she was defending him against her best friend. “But your reaction was also uncalled for. Please don’t do that again.”

“It isn’t constructive.” His heart warmed to see her smile break through her discomfort.

“No, it isn’t.” Doctor Reader giggled. “And Armitage is a big baby when he gets hurt.”

“He just wants you to care about him.” She made an expression of feigned ignorance before breaking into a mischievous smirk. 

“I’m proud of you for coming here to take out your frustration. It’s healthier than throwing around ensigns and destroying comm panels. Hopefully my talk with Armitage means you might have a few less frustrations in the future.” Ren nodded his understanding and he expected her to go, but she did not. He lifted a black eyebrow in question. “He talks to you that way because…”

“Please continue, Doctor.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes so she might organize her thoughts into clearer paths. 

“You’re different. You’re not one of ‘us.’ He doesn’t understand you, the Force and all of what you’re working towards. Frankly no one really does, and it can be frightening.” _And yet some still seek to use people like me for their own gain,_ he thought to himself. “The ways you need to improve… are not things he can help you with. You don’t fit into his mold and he wants you to, but obviously you’re not an officer. His only option left is… the method he’d been given his entire life. To yell, to belittle you, to treat you as less than you are. He would do it to me, sometimes… He…”

“I have the feeling you are trying to tell me something very important.” Ren watched as she turned her thoughts over in her head.

“He is impressed by you, wants to be your co-commander more than either of you thinks he does. I think you two could work well together. You both just need to… heal some of your own cracks.” She got close enough to put a hand on his arm. “If there’s anything I can do, please tell me. I just want to help.” 

He watched her go, his mind reeling with the conversation. None of it made much sense, it didn’t align with how he perceived the world and all its stupid little pieces. In that moment, however, when her hand touched him, Ren had felt a clarity of mind that he’d never known before. 

He wanted to feel it again.

* * *

“Maybe you aren’t so useless after all, Ren.” 

The comment was both scathing and praising, the former bringing hot anger up into the Knight’s throat, the latter pushing that anger back down. He had a comeback, but it died on his tongue. It would just encourage another remark, one which might break their silent truce. Ren shed himself of the general’s presence, instead marching off to the medbay. There he walked in to Doctor Reader’s office, finding her scribbling furiously in a notebook with an intensity in her eyes he’d never seen before. 

He decided that he had enough patience to wait for her to find a suitable stopping point, no doubt formulating some new treatment or chronicling some event in the life of the _Finalizer_. An entire wall of her office was lined with bookcases of a beautiful dark wood, tastefully arranged were cultural artifacts, photographs and holoimages, and what struck his interest were books. Real paper, real- though printed- ink, and bindings both leather and buckram. Ren slid his gloved hands over their spines, unable to read their titles. 

“That grey one on the third shelf, on the left, might be interesting.” While her voice had startled him he managed to not show it. Carefully he removed said tome from its place and started flicking through it. The text offered no insight to him, but the images that began to take up the pages were another story. They clearly depicted Jedi or Sith, Force Users at the very least, in various stages and styles of combat. Some were possibly meditation techniques, and others integrated supposedly normal civilians, perhaps a guide on how to interact with them according to the teachings of whatever temple the book had originated from. Ren found it curious that in some instances a Jedi, at least someone whose lightsaber was not red, would be facing a Sith, while in others they would appear to be working together. 

“What can I help you with, Kylo?” The smile on her face was soft and gentle, much like the rest of her. The knight submitted himself to the doctor’s care for his wounds from the mission. Her hands were warm through the thin examination gloves. “Thank you for coming to see me, instead of trying to take care of it on your own.”

“I find it is quicker and more secure when you do it.” It would be too humiliating to admit that he found some comfort in her presence, a soothing silence in her touch. She hummed her agreement, finishing her bandaging as she did so. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“You’re quite welcome, commander.” 

Later that week Ren found himself in possession of an impressive number of manuals and histories regarding the Force, as well as a few comprehensive translation guides. The datapads and books had been neatly stacked on a table in his quarters, a note tucked under one cover. _‘I thought these might interest you. Let me know if you need a native speaker. I hope they are useful. -AR’_

* * *

“I told her not to go with them!” The redhead had called Ren to the bridge and as soon as the knight arrived the general stomped into his office. It became obvious that it was to hide how upset he was from his bridge crew. He paced around the room like a caged lothcat, was centimeters away from knocking off what little was on his tidy desk. If this had been a different situation, Ren would’ve tossed it in the man’s face that _he_ was the one acting like a child. 

“The doctor _is_ the one with the most experience with Corellian Fever outbreaks.” A muscle under Hux’s eye twitched at the sound of the vocoder. The knight felt the surface of the general’s thoughts. Anger. White-hot rage. A fear so massive it was ready to collapse upon itself. _I want to cry and I don’t know if it’s from frustration or sorrow._ The image of the general crying was laughable, but knowing how the doctor had reacted when Ren unexpectedly broke down into tears during one of their relaxation sessions, the image was sweet and tender. Ren was unsure of how he felt with this change in how he perceived the people and events around him. 

“And now she’s captured! I know she can handle herself in a fight but not-“ he cut himself off, but Ren could still hear his thoughts. _But not while tied up, those rebel scum doing Maker knows what to her. The rebellion will regret taking her from me._ There was emotional vibration in the air, the last amount of the ginger’s strength being used to hold back tears. The knight expected the door to the office to be locked after him once he left. “Retrieve her and destroy anyone responsible for her capture. She is a great asset that we cannot let fall into their hands.”

Kylo bit back the retort on his tongue, now wasn’t the time to strike at the man who’d been such a thorn in his side for years. “I will return with Doctor Reader.”

Just as he suspected, he heard the door lock as soon as it closed behind him. He didn’t know why he did, but he felt back into the room with the Force. Crumpled on the floor, long legs tangled beneath him, General Hux covered his face with his gloved hands and sobbed out his distress in big gulps of air until his throat was raw. _What would I be without her?_

Commander Ren’s anger only flared. 

It continued to flare until blood slicked the floors of the rebel hideout, scorch marks painting the walls. Sparks flew and the lights pulsed red with urgency, but if his senses were correct then there was no one left to heed them. Reigniting his lightsaber he burned out the lock on the only occupied cell. In the center of it was something that vaguely passed for the doctor, hair caked to her face with blood and greatcoat haphazardly tossed over her to thwart the bone-chilling cold pervading the base. Ren knelt and tentatively pulled the hair away from her face; he knew that at the very least she was alive, could hear the raspy sound of breathing with a partially collapsed lung, but he needed to check that she was conscious. 

“Ky… lo…” The disgusting mess of blood, sweat, and hair removed from her face, he could see that the sticky red liquid had come from not only her broken nose but several cuts that had dried up. She was cold to the touch. 

“I will take you back to the _Finalizer_ , Doctor.” Her weight was almost nonexistent to him as he lifted her, one arm secured under her knees and the other supporting her back. Her head weakly bobbed against his shoulder. The knight wished he could use the Force to send her into a calm sleep, to save her more pain and suffering. 

“Am I… bad?” At first Ren thought she was inquiring about her condition, but it stood to reason she was well aware that her condition was poor, burgeoning on dire. 

The other option sucked the rage out of his chest, leaving a cold cavern whose jagged stalactites sank into his flesh like daggers. 

“No,” he said definitively, with purpose. “You are not bad.” 

The commander delivered her to the small medsuite in the small commandeered cargo ship they’d used to slip into rebel space undetected. The medical droid began its assessment and subsequent treatment, Kylo leaving it to give the order to return to the First Order planet where they left the command shuttle that would take them back to the _Finalizer_. When the doctor was stabilized he finally had the courage to go back to the medsuite, sitting by her bedside. 

“How are you?” Aneirin’s voice was weak but at least she didn’t sound on the verge of death. She still felt cold, so he removed his cowl and as best he could covered her with it. 

Kylo’s head was hung, his normally full hair stuck to his face and scalp with sweat. “I should be asking you that question. I am uninjured.”

“You look exhausted. Make sure you drink something.” It was just like her, to be the one confined to a bed and giving out advice. “How is Armitage?”

“I am sure he will be relieved when the communique reaches him.” He paused. “He wasn’t taking it well.” 

“I’m sure I’ll get an earful.” A small pale hand, palm up, moved into his vision. It was almost sad how much his engulfed it. “Thank you, Ren.”

Weakly she squeezed his hand and a soft smile illuminated her otherwise bandaged face. He took a deep breath and his mouth became a thin line. “You can call me Ben. If you want.” 

Her soft smile turned into a broad grin. “Ben. I knew a Ben. He was quite the troublemaker, too.”

* * *

“Stars, I’m so happy to see you.” Actually the general’s heart was aching to see his companion so damaged, but he was certainly bright with relief and joy to lay his eyes on her again. Kylo watched from the other side of the observation window as Hux kissed every exposed inch of skin on the woman’s face and held one of her hands to his cheek. They exchanged a conversation that the knight didn’t pay attention to, his mind elsewhere but nowhere. The general stood up from his seat by the bed, placed a tender kiss to a split lip, and the Sith’s mind found where to go. 

_‘Ew! Gross!’ Ben gagged for extra effect at the sight of his parents exchanging a kiss. His father had just come back from some mission that the little boy with the big ears had begged to go on, but of course he had to stay with his mother._

_‘Look again, sonny, it’s gonna happen again.’ The boy screeched and fled the room as Han dipped Leia for another kiss._

Ren had managed to make it halfway to his quarters before General Hux caught up to him. “Ren.”

Their heels clicked against the deckplates as they came to face each other. The redhead looked nervous, though the Sith could tell he was convincing himself to be bold. “Yes?”

“Thank you. I appreciate what you’ve done.” Kylo hadn’t expected the words, especially not the way they made a pleasant warmth bloom in his guts. He was thankful he’d put his helmet back on so his no doubt confused expression didn’t show. “I am in your debt.”

“I would have done it anyways. However,” he took a step forward, Hux swallowed his anxiety but remained firm, “you could have asked nicely, General.”

It was his co-commander’s turn to be taken off guard. The look on his face pleased Ren almost as much as when he made the man angry or scared. His own mouth pulled into an amused smirk as the general laughed. They continued to walk together until they came to the hallway that had all of their quarters. 

“I suspect there will be a happy union of the generals sometime soon.” Hux was as surprised about the sudden topic of conversation as the man who started it, but he shut his dropped jaw all the same. 

“Eventually. If she’ll have me.” This was possibly the complete opposite of every conversation they had ever had. The ginger became bright and hopeful. “Why, did she say something? Or were you sticking your fingers in her brain?”

“No, I can’t read her. I just… had the feeling.” 

Hux crosses his arms and he looked at the floor in thought. “Interesting. That would’ve been good to know.”

Underneath the mask Ren raised an eyebrow. “For plots?” 

“Possibly. But it doesn’t matter.” 

“I tried convincing her to have you discharged.” Hux barked a laugh. 

“Obviously did you no good.”

“Gonna have kids?” The question was so abrupt that it almost gave the general whiplash. 

He cleared his throat. “No. She doesn’t want them and I… wouldn’t be a suitable father. We’ve come to the conclusion that we could have a bigger effect on the galaxy through our work.”

“Good, the galaxy doesn’t need anymore of you two. I mean, how many wars and plagues can there be that need fixing?” 

For the second time Ren heard Hux laugh mirthfully before they separated.

* * *

“You are distracted.” The deep base of the Supreme Leader’s voice reverberated in the audience chamber. “I am disappointed in you both.” 

Ren was forced to his knees, but the general could not offer as much resistance and so his whole body made a loud sick sound as it hit the deckplates. Blood dripped down his face from the break in his nose and split in his lip. From the corner of his downcast eyes the knight could see him hesitantly push himself to his own knees, red hair, knocked loose from its styling, shading his eyes. _I have never felt him be so afraid,_ Ren thought to himself after skimming his co-commander’s thoughts, _yet I’ve also never felt him so enraged._

The Supreme Leader continued to chastise them and as he did so the apprentice felt the slow encroachment of darkness in his mind, sharp claws digging in to attach itself to him. He’d felt it as a child and he did not welcome the feeling as he did then. The promise of power no longer interested him, he knew now that it was empty. Snoke would never give up control, would never let his prized pet out of the cage. 

So slowly they both lost control. Ren just was a little more aware of it than before. 

All contact with the good doctor was avoided and in moments of rare clarity he skimmed the general’s mind only to find it a confusing maelstrom of negative emotions attempting to squash the one bright light in his life. It wasn’t his issue, not is concern, the knight had better things to do. 

When finally Doctor Reader gained the courage to approach him, looking scared and timid, distaste rose in his throat. 

“I don’t know what to do, I feel like everyone is pushing me away, even Armitage.” Maybe once it would’ve made him feel good that she was coming to him for advice, comfort. Companionship. Friendship. “What is going on, Ben?”

“Do not call me that!” Like a surge of electricity Ren’s rage flared and a clawed leather-bound hand was extended in the doctor’s direction. Her breath died as if sucked through a breach in the hull and her face was the image of terror and betrayal. Unlike the others she did not reach for her throat in a useless attempt to to free themselves, but instead clutched the pendant that hung around her neck. Tears formed and fell down her cheeks as her skin started to change color. 

“I thought… we were friends…” 

“I have no use for you. Friends are a _distraction_.” 

“Master Ren, please…” 

A small part of him was ecstatic to see her beg for her life. Another was hurt to hear his title on her discolored lips, seeing the fear in her blue eyes. Just like when his parents finally decided he needed to go be trained by his Uncle Luke. _To be made submissive and weak,_ a voice that was not his own echoed in his mind. Ren broke his control of the Force and watched Aneirin collapse onto the cold hard floor. “Know your place, _doctor._ ”

As he walked away he felt a disturbance in the Force, a crackling in the air.

* * *

The memory was vague, blurred as if he had viewed it through water. He remembered her voice, not really speaking to him; it was panicked and shrill, not the way he usually heard it. It sounded as if she was about to shriek like a cornered animal one second from doing whatever it could to free itself. 

For a moment they were alone and even in his semi-conscious state he could feel it. Despair. Grief. Horror. _Isolation._

_Her._

“You’ll be okay, they’ll finish taking care of you. I can’t stay here. I have to go.” He was distinctly aware of something warm firmly pressed against his uninjured cheek. The contact brought an instance of peace, a second of tranquility in a raging storm. _A goodbye kiss._ “I’m sorry, Ben. I’m so sorry.”

The Jedi believed that strength came from emptying their mind of emotions and preoccupations in order to let the Force more freely move them from one moment to the next, a perfect union of body and energy. The Sith used their hatred and anger to intensify and bend the Force to their wills, using it for their own power and gain. 

The Magi lived in a realm in between and it was there that Kylo sought to put himself. _Emotions are signposts, the local villager guiding you through the dark wood. They are the sword, the shield, and the embrace. They are how the Earthbond speaks to us, teaches us. It is the goal of a Magus to know how to interpret their feelings, to know when to be knight, guardian, and listener._

In the calm of the bactatank, he had time to parse the words, to find meaning in his emotions. The ones forced upon him tasted like ash and felt like razors cutting cracks into his skin. The ones he forced upon himself were acrid and bitter, leaving his mouth sore and his insides raw, his head hurting and lips dry as if dehydrated. Those that came to him were sweet and soothing, sunshine and gentle breezes, the smell of woodfire and the sound of rain, even when he was angry or scared, sad and lonely. 

Kylo knew he needed to trust his emotions, they would tell him what to do. Maybe if he’d gone to live with the Magi on that peaceful little orb at the edge of the galaxy things would’ve been different. 

So when he awoke and Hux left the _Finalizer_ to find that little ball of light, the apprentice took the opportunity afforded to him by the lack of distractions to make sure only he and the natural Force that flowed through everyone and everything would be in control of his emotions, his signposts and warnings. He was always the knight, now he would be the guardian, and one day he may be the listener. 

The satisfaction from Snoke’s death told him he’d done a good deed, that he was his own person once again. 

Now Kylo needed to figure out what that meant. 

Seeing the doctor in the shuttlebay of the _Supremacy_ filled him with sadness. What was once an impenetrable shape where the mind was supposed to be had become a void that his power pierced without resistance. The man beside her was vibrating with the stress of keeping himself together, just in the edge of breaking into a thousand pieces. Hux would offer up the entire story, even show the new Supreme Leader his healing wound. 

“I’m impressed,” Kylo mumbled, though not disingenuous. The ginger’s chest puffed just a bit. The knight was slowly learning how to be a listener; he had a good teacher.

“Thank you,” Hux’s voice wavered just slightly. _He just needed a compliment, some confidence,_ the Supreme Leader thought, _and it means more coming from someone like me._ How interesting it was, to be emotionally important. “I am sure it took great strength and guile to defeat Snoke.”

“I just waited for him to get distracted with lording himself over me. That seems to be the way all Sith get killed by their apprentices.” There hadn’t been much humor in it, but they still took up a startling round of laughter. 

“Let’s get this awful war over with.” 

“Agreed.”

* * *

Without master or war, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. For a while he stayed with his mother Leia, acting as her guardian and shadow as she built up the Republic once more in a quest to unify the galaxy, to repair the damage of the civil war. Every now and again he acted as her sword and on occasion those missions saw him reunited with his old co-commanders. 

“Married life seems to suit you, Admiral Hux.” It was actually a little fun to see how excited Armitage got to hear himself referred to by his new title, so the knight made sure to bring it up as often as he could. Technically the Republican Valkyrie Defense Force was a punishment, but it seemed the only downside to it for the ginger was being separated from his wife from time to time as their ships carried out different missions. Currently the two ships were making the same route and the Doctor Admiral would be joining them for dinner. 

“I didn’t think it would feel any different but…” A smile broke out on the normally stern face, Hux laughed under his breath. “You seem to have…”

“Calmed down?” They shared a brief bout of chuckling. A few years ago it would’ve sounded like a bad weird dream. “I suppose. The galaxy is a much different place now.” 

The admiral nodded solemnly, shifting his datapad in his grip as if it had significant weight. _Psychologically heavy._ “Very different.”

“Aneirin once asked me if she was a bad person.” 

“Oh?” Armitage went from leaning on his right foot to his left foot. He rubbed a spot on his abdomen where the former Supreme Leader knew there was a scar that bothered him when he became upset. 

“I told her she wasn’t.” Armitage nodded. “You’re not either. Maybe a little.” There was a sharp intake of breath. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I could have refused to give the other.” 

“You weren’t capable of it.”

“I should have tried harder-“ A large gloved hand gripped the admiral’s bicep before the man could fall apart. Brown eyes stared into startled green ones intently, with purpose.

“You’re still here, that’s all that matters.” Muscles relaxed, ragged breaths evened out. “You can’t change the past, only the future. That’s why you’re here.”

Since the two men had the opportunity to catch up before their dinner, afterwards the doctor and their guest passenger sat alone while Armitage saw to some ship matters. “We never really got to talk about your father.”

“I was hoping it would go away, but it hasn’t.”

“I miss my father every day. All of my family, really.” Aneirin took a sip of her liquor. “Of course, that’s not the same.” 

“Now you have a new family.” The older woman nodded silently. He began to cry. “I miss him.”

She wrapped her arms around him after putting down her glass, his head buried in her shoulder. “It’s okay, I know he misses you too.” 

When his sadness subsided they went back to calmly sitting side-by-side. “I heard they moved you up the Magus ladder.”

“Yes, it was quite the honor. Apparently someone put in a good word for me.” Aneirin elbowed him playfully. 

“I guess I have to start calling you Master Solo, then.” 

“Don’t let it get to my head.”

“Whatever you say, Master Solo.”

* * *

As the galaxy quieted down and new people began to take the place of Princess Leia Organa, Master Ben Solo found more time to seek out the history of the Force and take more opportunities to visit Corsaira. The Magi had welcomed him and his willingness to change his ways, admired his curiosity and dedication. When he was visiting the capitol temple he always stopped to see his friends. 

“Ben!” She may have been older and her hair starting to grey, but Aneirin still managed to run to greet him. Smiles bright the tall figured bent like a tree in a storm to allow the small woman to wrap her arms around his neck. He knew she got a thrill from being lifted into the air, too worried about her husband’s back to let him do it, so he did so just to hear her excitedly shriek. Setting her back down, they proceeded to walk around the home to the pleasant garden out back. “It’s so good to see you.”

“It is good to see you as well.” Ben looked around, expecting to see the ginger either reading or tending to a piece of the garden. “Where is Armitage?”

“Oh, he went off on a hike by himself this morning. I think he just needed some alone time.” She stepped into the kitchen, which gave access to the garden, just long enough to retrieve a pitcher of something cold and sweet and two glasses. The Magus Master always had a secret sweet tooth. 

“Sounds about right.” Ben dipped the drink, letting the sugar wash over his tongue. It was the hemisphere’s autumn, the trees looking as if they were set on fire and frozen still. A gentle breeze sent leaves scattering and the smell of wood fires filled his nose. It was much better than starships or the capitol planet of Coruscant. It was even better than Naboo where his mother retired to in the Lake District. “There are probably quite a few people who would be upset if they knew you two got to enjoy this place.”

Over time he’d become sensitive to how the Remnant’s mind affected the Force; while she was generally untouchable, the close bond they shared allowed him a special look behind the curtain. His comment sent a shiver of regret and shame down her spine. “I just wanted to come home and to share it with the man I love.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” He watched the falling leaves drift into the pond and twirl like ice skaters on its surface. “No one can fix everything that is wrong in the galaxy, problems have been there for millennia. But you can still feel the ripple of change. Even here. You deserve some peace and quiet. Let those young people you’ve inspired and taught do the work.” 

“When did Ben Solo become so wise?” There had been the sound of the kitchen door quietly opening and shutting but for whatever reason it still came as a surprise to hear the retired admiral speak up. Ben got to his feet to greet the other man with an embrace. Taking the slighter pair of shoulders into his huge hands, the master held Armitage out to take in his appearance. 

“You grew a beard!” The redhead laughed and combed his long fingers through the mentioned affectation. 

“Please, is it any surprise I’ve let myself go?”

It was the brunette’s turn to chuckle. “Actually, you look really good. Considering you’re ancient.” 

“Only four more years closer to death than you, Master Solo.” Aneirin had come to join them and Armitage leaned down to kiss her hello. “But I am under very good care.” 

“It’s been years, but it’s still like watching two parents kiss.” 

“Then don’t think about what we’ll be doing later.”

“Armitage, why are you like this?” His wife playfully pinched his arm and he overexaggerated how much pain it had caused him. 

“Making up for lost time.” 

Ben cleared his throat. “Is one of you going to feed me or should I just start taking things?”


End file.
